[linds03]

Just wondering if you guys think that you can really be friends with someone you've dated and loved after 5 years? Does this really work out? I still want this person in my life... it didn't end terribly or anything. Just not sure if I could handle seeing him with someone else... you know? Has anyone had success with this? Thanks!

[wonderingirlfriend]

Just wondering if you guys think that you can really be friends with someone you've dated and loved after 5 years?? Does this really work out? I still want this person in my life...it didn't end terribly or anything. Just not sure if I could handle seeing him with someone else...you know? Has anyone had success with this?? Thanks!

Hey there I've been dating this guy for 5 years now and we've been on and off for the past 5 years the longest was 3 months broken up and yes I've stayed friends with him but it never really worked out for me because I truly loved him and I still do and yes we got back together but I have tones of ex boyfriends that I'm still friends with as long as you know you only like him as a friend then it will work out as just friends but if in your heart you know you still truly love this guy then no most likely it won't work out but I hope it works out for you

[Stringer]

No not really, it seems each time that even if we really tried something got in the way. Usually it was a new girlfriend or their new boyfriends.

The only limited success was with my ex-wife and that I credit to us having 2 children, and that was a very limited and necessary relationship.

I have tried to do this many times over the years but with no success. In some instances I was very disappointed that it didn't work. Things change too much and people move on with their lives (not a bad thing).

On several occasions with different women we had even tried to get back together after a period apart. One lasted about six months but withered away, most of the old connections we had deteriorated and we both agreed it was better to part. Even that relationship which I thought could continue as a friendship didn't work out.

And only a couple of these relationships ended "terribly."

If you think you would have a problem seeing him with someone else and you still love him then I think you should try again. If only to see if it is still love that you both have for each other. Or possibly other feelings and emotions; jealously, feeling of ownership, loneliness, most people do like change. This is one of the reasons that many cling to old feelings.

I wish you luck in discovering which you are feeling,
Stringer

[grammadidi]

If the reason for your friendship is because you hope that one day you two will work things out and come back together, then I really doubt it would work in the long run. If the reason for your friendship is that you genuinely like this person and can see you being friends with him without the romantic, jealous feelings, then, by all means, it can work.

My guess is that you are NOT a true friend if you can't handle seeing him with someone else - you'd just be an ex-girlfriend subjecting herself to a lot of pain. If you were a friend, you would be happy for him for finding someone he loves and/or cares about.

Hope this all makes sense. :)

Hugs, Didi

[little firefly]

Well, I've had it work out both ways. With my ex husband we had found ourselves drifting apart and ended up divorced after 15 years together. We came out of it the very best of friends and still spend holidays together with my family. He's still very much a part of my life and he always will be, even when he decides to be with someone else. In fact, it would thrill me to death if I would see him happy with someone.

With my recent ex boyfriend however, even though things didn't end badly and he still wants to be friends, I can't be friends with him. I'm still in love with him and he is now with someone else. The thought of seeing him with his new girl breaks my heart, and even though I miss him in my life, I know that it would just prolong my heartache. I want so much to be happy for him, but my heart just won't let me. I actually ran into him and his new love a couple of months ago. It hurt so bad that I ended up in tears for about two days.

[linds03]

"I'm still in love with him and he is now with someone else. The thought of seeing him with his new girl breaks my heart, and even though i miss him in my life, i know that it would just prolong my heartache. I want so much to be happy for him, but my heart just won't let me." yeah, I totally agree. I feel like a hypocrite because I want him to be happy, but I want him to be happy with ME... selfish, I know. I can't let him go and it hurts like nothing else I've ever experienced. How in the world did you get over your ex husband of 15 years?? I can't imagine that... seriously. If 5 years is a killer I don't want to know what 15 feels like. If we still love each other (he loves me just as much) should I try to work on this being 4 hours away? We still call each other all the time and it always ends with "I love you, bye". HARD HARD HARD. Let me know what you think and more about your experiences with this... it does help! Thanks so much. Lindsey

[little firefly]

Well, with me and my ex hubby it happened over many years of just growing apart. We still love each other very much but it's a different kind of love. It was actually his shoulder that I cried on when my ex boyfriend broke up with me back in April. The way that I see it, if the love is still there then there is always a chance of falling in love again with each other. Right now I don't see it happening with us but you never know what could happen down the road. So many people envy the fact that we've been able to stay friends after being a couple for so long. I really don't know how we've made it work out that way, but I'm so thankful that we have.

With my ex BF however, I still can't let go, and I, like you have the feeling of if you want to be happy then why can't it be with me. I know it's selfish, but we can't help how we feel. Knowing that he is with someone else hurts more than I can describe.

If you want to keep him in your life, then by all means try to do it. Just be sure to be cautious with your heart. You don't want to cause yourself any more hurt, especially if he would ever be with someone else. Being in love with an ex who has someone new is a pain that I would never wish on anyone.

[linds03]

Thanks so much for your insight, Firefly... I need it and take it to heart. Hearing about your experiences lets me take a deeper look into my own.