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Bentley2012 · Nov 30, 2012, 09:01 AM

I have been in a relationship for a few months with someone who I feel I seriously hit it off with... in the beginning he wanted to spend every spare minute with me... now he seems to want to see me, but less often.. but wants an exclusive relationship... he has many female friends... and seems to need constant attention when I am with him.. which makes me feel like he needs that on a constant basis.. and sometimes me giving him attention isn't enough.. and he needs to seek it elsewhere. I do not think he cheats.. but I do feel he is dishonest about some of the things he is doing... for fear of disappointing me.
There is a fine line between people who like to be controlling and people who just want what they want... I wonder if he has a controlling personality, and is either trying to keep me at a distance at times to see my reactions.. because it is flattery.. or if he is trying to claim his independence. It is so confusing... because I don't understand... Can anyone help?

xIrishGirlx · Nov 30, 2012, 09:39 AM

I've been in your shoes and I can tell you, this isn't going to be a happy relationship.

If you guys were to develop a more serious relationship, his seeking out the attention of girls will eventually become a bigger problem. His indirectness (dodging the truth or hiding anything from you) is also a huge red flag.

People do not change. Nine times out of ten, their habits only escalate or remain bothersome. But if they aren't confronted, they won't cease.

Bentley2012 · Nov 30, 2012, 11:17 AM

I agree.. and ironically enough, I have confronted him. He tells me I have nothing to worry about.. I am starting to see it as he may be control hungry...
He likes to predict whether he makes me happy or sad.. because it is empowering... almost like an experiment... He laughs at my reactions... ect...
And always tries to get reactions... I just am not sure.. what is going on here...

xIrishGirlx · Nov 30, 2012, 11:29 AM

Originally Posted by Bentley2012

I agree..and ironically enough, I have confronted him. He tells me I have nothing to worry about ..I am starting to see it as he may be control hungry...
He likes to predict whether he makes me happy or sad..because it is empowering...almost like an experiment...He laughs at my reactions...ect...
and always tries to get reactions...I just am not sure..what is going on here...

Craving power and control comes from insecurity and jealousy. He probably has a lot of past issues he hasn't dealt with, and he expresses them in a way that put him on the pedastal, put him in a position of power. I've been in a relationship where my partner would cheat, lie, and control, simply because he feared that I was going to eventually do it to him.

Bentley2012 · Nov 30, 2012, 01:00 PM

Originally Posted by xIrishGirlx

Craving power and control comes from insecurity and jealousy. He probably has a lot of past issues he hasn't dealt with, and he expresses them in a way that put him on the pedastal, put him in a position of power. I've been in a relationship where my partner would cheat, lie, and control, simply because he feared that I was going to eventually do it to him.

How did you figure out that was the going on?

xIrishGirlx · Nov 30, 2012, 01:10 PM

Originally Posted by Bentley2012

How did you figure out that was the going on?

He gave me his Facebook password to view a friend's profile, there was something funny on there I couldn't see because I blocked that person.

Inbox pops up, out of curiousity I read it. And then I open up the message tab and it's full of... well, slime-y grime-y evidence.

Bentley2012 · Nov 30, 2012, 01:15 PM

[QUOTE=xIrishGirlx;3336877]He gave me his Facebook password to view a friend's profile, there was something funny on there I couldn't see because I blocked that person.

Inbox pops up, out of curiousity I read it. And then I open up the message tab and it's full of... well, slime-y grime-y evidence.[/QUO

Do you feel he planted that, to get a reaction out of you?

xIrishGirlx · Nov 30, 2012, 01:17 PM

[QUOTE=Bentley2012;3336880]

Originally Posted by xIrishGirlx

He gave me his Facebook password to view a friend's profile, there was something funny on there I couldn't see because I blocked that person.

Inbox pops up, out of curiousity I read it. And then I open up the message tab and it's full of... well, slime-y grime-y evidence.[/QUO

Do you feel he planted that, to get a reaction out of you?

No, because the following morning I called him and casually asked, "Who's Natasha?" and he said he'd never met a Natasha. I explained the message content to him. He was silent for a few minutes, and then started tripping over messy explanations. He also lied quite a bit to make himself seem... better. He made a lot of outrageous claims and then whined that I didn't trust him when I called him out on it.

Bentley2012 · Nov 30, 2012, 01:43 PM

[QUOTE=xIrishGirlx;3336882][QUOTE=Bentley2012;3336880]

No, because the following morning I called him and casually asked, "Who's Natasha?" and he said he'd never met a Natasha. I explained the message content to him. He was silent for a few minutes, and then started tripping over messy explanations. He also lied quite a bit to make himself seem... better. He made a lot of outrageous claims and then whined that I didn't trust him when I called him out on it.[/QUOT

I am glad your found your way out of that mess... all too often, people are ignorant, because they choose to be... which is very sad... and what's worse is when they just keep repeating the same mistakes... It's so easy to see when you are on the outside looking in.. but from the inside looking out... when it is actually you... its a different story... I hope I am not in denial... and just keep my eyes open enough to not let my heart blind side my gut!

xIrishGirlx · Nov 30, 2012, 02:41 PM

I am glad your found your way out of that mess... all too often, people are ignorant, because they choose to be... which is very sad... and what's worse is when they just keep repeating the same mistakes... It's so easy to see when you are on the outside looking in.. but from the inside looking out... when it is actually you... its a different story... I hope I am not in denial... and just keep my eyes open enough to not let my heart blind side my gut!

Exactly. Feelings tend to overshadow logic when you love someone, or even like someone. At the end of the day, the person you really need to be taking care of is yourself. You're all you have sometimes. Trust your instinct and respect your decisions. :)