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lostwoman1023 · Jul 5, 2012, 11:26 PM

Here is my story...
I have been dating my boyfriend for a year. He is 58 and I am 46. We are very much in love, pretty much soulmates. Only one problem... we have not had sex. I want to and he shys away from it. Sure I get quick kisses and hugs but I want more. We have discussed our problem. I have come to the conclusion that he has low libido and erectile dysfunction. His doctor provided a prescription for e.d. pills but he didn't fill it. He reasoned that he has health issues so doesn't want to take them. He then told me that he was the victim of child sexual abuse. He also takes effexor for depression. I have tried so hard to be compassionate to his myriad of issues but I am so frustrated. I feel that this is an impossible situation. What can I do? I am beginning to think he is never going to want to be intimate.

Zooster545 · Jul 6, 2012, 05:33 PM

I think you should have a sit down with him and talk to him. Tell him that if something doesn't change that you might have to move on. A relationship at your age without sex is pretty ridiculous. Intimacy is a very big part of a relationship once the relationship reaches that level. If he has any health concerns he should have mentioned them to the doctor when he was getting the prescription in the first place. I would talk to him and maybe suggest counseling for his problems and talk to his doctor about his depression/ "health concerns". If he really isn't willing to do anything and continues to avoid being intimate with you, I wouldn't stay with him but that is up to you.

smoothy · Jul 7, 2012, 03:08 PM

He's 58... its not ridiculous, between the anti-depressive meds.. and other age related problems he very well might NOT be able to do it... and that is very embarrassing to a man.

Popping a blue pill isn't without risk... particularly if he has borderline cardiac issues.

Any woman can just lay back and say have at it even if she's really not feeling it... but try doing something with a soggy noodle from a guys perspective if he CAN'T rise to the occasion... even if he wants to.

The spirit might be willing but if the body isn't able..

Wondergirl · Jul 7, 2012, 03:23 PM

There's a lot more to life and love and a relationship than sex. If he is really your soul mate, you will be especially willing to set the sexual part of your lives on the back porch and concentrate on what really matters -- the day-to-day stuff such as good communication, sharing adventures, nonsexual contact. Of course, if you cannot fathom living life without sexual intercourse, this is possibly not the guy for you. Probably the best thing to do is both of you, or at least you, see a counselor for a few sessions to get your ducks in a row and figure out if this relationship has a future.

JudyKayTee · Jul 7, 2012, 04:03 PM

Originally Posted by lostwoman1023

Here is my story...
I have been dating my boyfriend for a year. He is 58 and i am 46. We are very much in love, pretty much soulmates. Only one problem...we have not had sex. I want to and he shys away from it. Sure i get quick kisses and hugs but i want more. We have discussed our problem. I have come to the conclusion that he has low libido and erectile dysfunction. His doctor provided a prescription for e.d. pills but he didn't fill it. He reasoned that he has health issues so doesn't want to take them. He then told me that he was the victim of child sexual abuse. He also takes effexor for depression. I have tried so hard to be compassionate to his myriad of issues but i am so frustrated. I feel that this is an impossible situation. What can i do? I am beginning to think he is never going to want to be intimate.

Effexor will affect his sex drive in a negative way.

I don't understand the "soul mate" part if this is a big issue in your relationship.

I agree with Smoothy - I can't imagine how embarrassed he is.

If you need an active sex life, this "soul mate" is not for you. Your "myriad of issues" comment leads me to believe that you already know this.