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arezupir · Mar 16, 2012, 12:56 PM

My daughter is 16 and she is seeing a boy that is 17. They seemed to be good friends. However, recently I came across her text messages and found out they were sexting. We approached her and she said nothing has happened and she will never do it again.

However, now I really don't trust her and I still see pictures of them together on Facebook. I don't want to be too restrictive to the point that she would rebel, but I really don't want this relationship to continue. I would really like some opinions.

JudyKayTee · Mar 16, 2012, 01:20 PM

You're the parent. You presumably call the shots.

I'd sit her down and tell her your concerns. She's tested your confidence in her. Unless you have reason not to believe her, I would believe her.

But I would check her cell phone. In my house she wouldn't have her cell phone for a while.

interlock1985 · Mar 16, 2012, 01:30 PM

Well, see that you're her mom like Judy said you're the one that makes the decisions in the house, who you let her see and be with well that's a different story if your daughter wants to truly be with this guy it will either be to your knowledge or behind your back, my opinion I would sit them both down and have a talk with both of them about it. Maybe ull scare him off :)

arezupir · Mar 16, 2012, 01:47 PM

Originally Posted by interlock1985

Well, see that your her mom like Judy said your the one that makes the decisions in the house, who you let her see and be with well thats a different story if your daughter wants to truly be with this guy it will either be to your knowledge or behind your back, my opinion i would sit them both down and have a talk with both of them about it. maybe ull scare him off :)

Do you think it is wise to sit with his parents as well and talk to all of them?

Do you think I should discuss this with his parents as well?

interlock1985 · Mar 16, 2012, 01:50 PM

Most deffintly I would...

JudyKayTee · Mar 16, 2012, 05:54 PM

No. The only person you can control is your daughter. You tell her what behavior you expect from her and then enforce the rules.

Let his parents control him. If they know, fine. If they don't, okay, too.

I don't think it's your job to sort of police him. Her? Yes. I realize you are afraid she is going to rebel. I think she's rebeling now - or else you would know what she's doing. She appears to be keeping secrets!

Fr_Chuck · Mar 16, 2012, 06:59 PM

The issue here is, that as her parent, you should know that they are together ( not see photos of it on face book) So you would know where she is going, when she is there and more.

Alty · Mar 16, 2012, 07:09 PM

You are her parent. She is not an adult. As a child, you are responsible for what she does, who she sees, etc. etc. If you don't want her talking to or seeing this boy, then you take a stand.

You cannot tell his parents what to do, but you can control what you allow your daughter to do. At least until she turns 18. After that, she can decide who to date, what to text, and what to post on fb.

talaniman · Mar 18, 2012, 01:12 AM

I would watch her closer just to be sure she deserves your confidence, and trust back. I would also keep talking to her, and asking questions, and listening very carefully. Maybe get some insights why she behaved this way, but do NOT over react, I think that does more harm than good, and maybe its time to not only know this boy better, but her friends as well.

I think the best way to put the fear of god in a teens heart, is to always be there, and have them expecting you to always be very close no matter what they do, or where they are. If after you find this boy is no good and not to be trusted, then you come down and forbid it.

Having real facts to back you up is the difference. Right now, all you know is that they seem to be face book friends. You need to know more. MUCH MORE.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 18, 2012, 06:39 AM

My son is younger, but I have a phone location system on his phone, I can look at my phone and it shows me a map of where that phone is. He has no idea it is on it.

JudyKayTee · Mar 18, 2012, 06:59 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

My son is younger, but I have a phone location system on his phone, I can look at my phone and it shows me a map of where that phone is. He has no idea it is on it.

I have heard of these tracking systems but have never known anyone who uses one. I recently worked on a matrimonial matter and the wife had a tracking device on the husband's car. I didn't know these things existed. Probably the phone tracking device is similar when there is a child driving a parent's car. Good idea.

ScottGem · Mar 18, 2012, 11:37 AM

Can I ask the extent of the sexting? There are two levels; one is talking about sex, the other involves pictures. If the extent was on the first level, I wouldn't be as concerned. I would however, make sure they never got to be alone together. If it extended to the other level, then it is a more serious issue.

How, long were they dating?

tickle · Mar 18, 2012, 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by arezupir

Do you think it is wise to sit with his parents as well and talk to all of them??

Do you think I should discuss this with his parents as well?

I think you should all sit down together, but first talk to his parents and let them know what is going on and what you want to discuss amongst the lot of you.

talaniman · Mar 19, 2012, 05:05 AM

This may be a wake up call to pay a lot closer attention.

smoothy · Mar 19, 2012, 05:10 AM

You do know they could potientially end up on the sex offenders registry for the rest of their lives. Its happened before.

Sexting Laws | LegalMatch Law Library

'Sexting' lands teen on sex offender list - CNN

This isn't without serious risk and consequences. So its not like coming home late.

needalilbithelp · Apr 1, 2012, 01:16 PM

She's 16, you shouldn't be looking at her texts! She won't trust you now, and that's the exact opposite to what you want, you want her to be able to tell you when she's thinking of doing "stuff" or hang sex, right?

ScottGem · Apr 1, 2012, 01:53 PM

Originally Posted by needalilbithelp

She's 16, you shouldn't be looking at her texts!! She won't trust you now, and thats the exact opposite to what you want, you want her to be able to tell you when she's thinking of doing "stuff" or hang sex, right?

She's 16 she is still the responsibility of her parents. We don't know the circumstances in which the OP "came across" her texts. What about the trust she betrayed by doing this? Obviously she didn't tell them about doing stuff.

JudyKayTee · Apr 1, 2012, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by needalilbithelp

She's 16, you shouldn't be looking at her texts!! She won't trust you now, and thats the exact opposite to what you want, you want her to be able to tell you when she's thinking of doing "stuff" or hang sex, right?

I notice you continue to give "advice" about going behind parents' backs, not checking up on your children, allowing 16-year old sexting children to have adult privileges. I have no idea what "hang" sex is, by the way. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/childr...ml#post3072009

Am I right in "assuming" that you are a child yourself?

needalilbithelp · Apr 8, 2012, 05:40 AM

Originally Posted by needalilbithelp

She's 16, you shouldn't be looking at her texts!! She won't trust you now, and thats the exact opposite to what you want, you want her to be able to tell you when she's thinking of doing "stuff" or hang sex, right?

Well were I like, in the UK, its legal to have sex at 16, and I think parents should be giving credit to their kids if they haven't.. Its none of their business if they are though. Obviously a parent wants to look out for their kid, but they should be discussing safe sex, not forbidding it.. teenagers rebel, that's just what we do.
You're saying my post is inaccurate, but how can a opinion be inaccurate? I'm giving you it from the point of a teen, I'm 2 years older, which I know is slightly different, and I agree that 16 year olds shouldn't be having sex, but they should be allowed to explore new things.. And again, sexting wouldn't be my thing, may not be hers either, but if she wants to try it then why should she be stopped. She's 16, sex is interesting to her whether you like it or not.

If you want to suppress her of this interest, something that most teens do and that's completely natural, then go for it, but you're messing with her head and that can affect her for a long time. She's not a young child anymore. Yes she's in your care still, but you shouldn't control everything about her.