[deb_751]

After escaping from an emotionally abusive marriage with my three teenage children, three years ago I did really well. I got myself a job, a house and felt like I was progressing amazingly well. These last few weeks I've started to feel drained mentally. I have an average wage coming in but am finding it increasingly difficult to manage financially without dipping into my overdraft at the end of the month and have found myself resorting to my credit card (which I obtained for emergencies only) to cover everyday expenses such as food as it is increasing my debt - this is worrying me. I feel like I am living to just pay bills and support the kids, I have no spare money and don't get out a lot other than to work. My ex husband doesn't help out financially, nor does he spend much time with the kids so I care for them 24/7 and feel totally drained with it all after a solid 3 years of it. It's causing me to feel very low and sometimes I don't even want to face the day. I know I made the choice to get out of the marriage and I thought I could cope with it all. The kids are 14,15 and 19, eldest is working and pays his way. I have been on anti depressants about 5 years ago when I was married but I don't want to resort to them again as I believe its my situation that needs attending to but don't know how to try and change anything. Thanks

[Andrew916]

Its sounds like you're in a self defeating pattern here. Perhaps the best thing to do would be to go back on the anti depressants and go from there. Maybe if your mood would somehow improve your drive would too

[redhed35]

Getting some sound financial advice will ease your worries.

You could start by talking to the bank, usually some have a free advice service,talk to the credit card company about minimum payments you can make.

How's your household budget? Where can you cut back?

Saving 5 pounds/dollars/euro a week will add up! Even for a night out or a day trip for you and the kids.

You have done really well so far,and although its cold comfort there are a lot of people in the same boat...

Why does your ex not help out? Is he paying maintence? If not why not? Can you seek legal advice on this? Citizens advice maybe?

Worrying is no good to you,it won't help your mental state nor your emotional state,taking action will!

If you really feel you can't cope do talk to your doctor.

Getting out and about will also help lift your mood,meeting new people,laughing and feeling apart of your commuity.

How can you do that?
Volunteer at a local nursing home,at an animal shelter,join a support group,gather a group of neighbours to go for a walk every evening or twice a week,get healthy and talk! you may be surprise how much you can help other people from your experience.

[deb_751]

Myex doesn't pay any maintenance, he throws £20 at me every now and then towards bus fares for them. I tried to go through CSA and he threatened me, You can maybe understand why I left in the first place and it it were up to me I would never set eyes on him again - very very nasty individual with no morals. He wouldn't care if I was struggling and would say it's my own fault for walking away from the marriage. I have spoken to the credit card company and I can afford the repayments but I owe £4000 so it is going to take me years even if I don't spend on it, and had to get my car through an MOT last week which meant me spending a further £500 on it. It's scaring me, I've never been in this much debt before. I did make a promise to myself to try and get out, I joined an inexpensive gym and started exercising but after a day at work it's hard to drag myself off there after making tea and clearing up etc. I think part ofmy problem is that I think about things too much instead of just doing it! Thanks for the answers, this really does help and give me a chance to voice my feelings and open up other possible options .

[d61fxc]

I think you should try and contact Child Maintenance Options on 0800 988 0988, they are an award winning organisation and will give you all the advice you need in order to receive Child Maintenance and also give advice or signpost you to specific domestic violence organisations who can give further advice on that matter.

Your ex-partner is legally responsible for the financial wellbeing of his children regardless of whether he wants to or not.