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andy2905 · Jun 1, 2010, 11:52 AM

Recently my wife and I were at an after party, my wife was quite drunk (and a knockout. ). She is in sales so she is very outgoing which is taken the wrong way with certain men. One guy I caught a number of times running his hand down her back and on to her butt. After a few dirty looks it slowed but didn't seem to stop altogether. This is a friend of my wife's that she knows (Friends only - there is no past between them). What's the best way to make this stop short of making a scene (or a fist). Right now I feel I never want to go back to that house because I never want to be put in that situation again. I don't feel it's jealousy but such a huge lack of respect towards my wife and I since I know the guy is married (and his wife was at the party as well).

pinkangelgirl · Jun 3, 2010, 07:00 PM

It's understandable why this would bother you. Did you talk to your wife about it and tell her how you feel? It's disrespectful to you and your wife as well as the guys wife. Has something like this happened before? Why didn't your wife do or say something to the guy?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 3, 2010, 07:17 PM

And why did she not tell him, or slap him, or walk away,

And since it appears everyone was drinking, surprised you did not sock him in the nose.

I would have at the least, told him off very loud and publicly, and most likely did about the same to wife for not stoping it also

andy2905 · Jun 4, 2010, 04:50 AM

Andy2905 here - I have an Irish temper and yes it did cross my mind to drop him, I did have words with the guy when we were leaving, I know he got the message..! I not a wimp. Just looking for some ideas of how to make this type of guy aware sooner rather than later before I break his F#%$ arm..! My wife has slapped guys before. Just looking for a better offense.

JoeCanada76 · Jun 4, 2010, 04:53 AM

It is not really up to you, you should be more pissed off at your wife then the guy. What was she doing? She did not think anything was wrong with it?

Nor the guys wife , etc..?

andy2905 · Jun 4, 2010, 05:10 AM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper1976

It is not really up to you, you should be more pissed off at your wife then the guy. What was she doing? She did not think anything was wrong with it?

Nor the guys wife and etc... ???

I don't have a problem with a friend of my wife's hugging or putting a friendly arm around her (I do it to other women but with respect to her and her husband), it's when it goes over the line and becomes inappropriate that's when I have a problem with it. My wife was really drunk and I know that's really the problem, this doesn't happen when she's not drunk and will say and do something if it happens, I did ask her but she says the night was pretty foggy. Like always too much booze and overconfidence happens with the wrong guy (Usually only one in the crowd). It's this type of guy I will give a warning to at the start of the party (or first sign). I was trying to source out a non-conflict resolution but I guess I'll just have to go with my old ways and give one warning, if that doesn't do it then pound the F*&^#.

J_9 · Jun 4, 2010, 05:39 AM

How about you and your wife not drinking? That will stop the actions before they ever start.

andy2905 · Jun 4, 2010, 05:48 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

How about you and your wife not drinking? That will stop the actions before they ever start.

Yep - Too much booze equals liquid courage for some guys... It was the case for a lot of people at this party, no one else tried this buy one guy. Booze is definitely the evil. We don't go out like this very often, and it's rare that this happens.

cindychick06 · Jun 4, 2010, 05:54 AM

Umm yea I'd be talking to your wife bud! I absolutely hate it when people blame actions on alcohol, drunk or not drunk your wife still knows she's married, she clearly knew he was married, and I'm sorry but if I was a party with my husband and some guy grabbed my I would be pissed and would for sure voice my anger. And I would expect my husband to do the same. That was completely inappropriate friend or not friend that is wrong! And if you don't feel comfortable confronting him, confront his wife! Because she deserves to know that he husband is grabbing another woman's as well...

jmjoseph · Jun 4, 2010, 06:21 AM

I can't help but wonder what would have happened if you were not there to stop it. I mean, she was wasted, he was groping her, where does it stop?

It sounds to me that alcohol might be causing some other problems in your lives, so why not cut back a little? Or quit. I did.

Back to "Mr. Hands". I would have walked up to him, looked him straight in the eye, and whispered to him that you know that he's drunk, but if he feels the need to grab an a$$, he should grab his own. Because the next time that he touches your wife in an innappropriate way, you are going to have to knock him out of his shoes. Like a mule kick. Just let the conversation be between you two. No need to make him feel that he has to show off in front of the other guests. He'll get the hint.

It's a matter of respect. Your wife's, yours, HIS wife's,.

andy2905 · Jun 4, 2010, 10:34 AM

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

I can't help but wonder what would have happened if you were not there to stop it. I mean, she was wasted, he was groping her, where does it stop?

It sounds to me that alcohol might be causing some other problems in your lives, so why not cut back a little? Or quit. I did.

Back to "Mr. Hands". I would have walked up to him, looked him straight in the eye, and whispered to him that you know that he's drunk, but if he feels the need to grab an a$$, he should grab his own. Because the next time that he touches your wife in an innappropriate way, you are going to have to knock him out of his shoes. Like a mule kick. Just let the conversation be between you two. No need to make him feel that he has to show off in front of the other guests. He'll get the hint.

It's a matter of respect. Your wife's, yours, HIS wife's,....

I agree - It's "Mr. Hands" And too much booze, bad combo. I did have words with the guy after and he did get the point, but I guess I'm pissed at myself for leaving it as long as I did. This guy being a "Friend" of my wife I let my guard down. That was a mistake. Won't happen again, and yes I also agree with your comment about taking him aside and whispering something to him. My Wife hardly ever get's this hammered and only when I'm around. Thanks for your comment.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 4, 2010, 01:30 PM

If your wife only gets this way when you're around maybe she thinks you will keep things in order.

I'll bet the wife of that man set him straight, but you should have put him in his place that night, right then.
Have a talk with your wife about getting so plastered he allows another man to put his hands on her. She needs to know that if she has so little control, she needs to not drink like that.
I think my husband would have exchanged words with the guy and taken me home.
You were way too kind and passive.

Jake2008 · Jun 5, 2010, 01:08 AM

Your wife allowing another man, to run his hand down her back and onto her a**, has nothing to do with alcohol, except as an excuse to allow it to happen.

I would be asking her why she likes that kind of attention, and why she doesn't stop it.

When you notice her getting 'very drunk' next time, leave the party early before you find her under the bushes in somebody's back yard with another dude.

Catsmine · Jun 5, 2010, 05:26 PM

Get your wife a first aid text opened to "broken knuckles." Explain to her that she'll have to do the doctoring next time she allows that type of behavior. The prop will keep it from being a fight between you and her.