[deronette97]

I want to know your opinion on my first book "Don't be racist" here is a sample:
I get up holding on to anything near me and throw my pillow and blanket back on my bed, grab my towel and head for the shower. I scrunch my nose and quickly grab the febreeze to spray away the funk from my older brothers. Even after they take a shower they make the bathroom smell bad. Ugh, I need my own bathroom for real now. I rush quickly to Mr. Marc’s new history debate class, my first period. Right when I step foot into the class, the bell rings. I am so happy I have quick feet. “Welcome Mrs. Davis you’re just in time. The history debate today is about racism between white and black people. Go take a seat and we will begin.” I took a seat next to my home girl, Jayda. We both nodded a “what’s up” to each other. I set down my tote and looked at Mr. Marc who was waiting patiently.

[Wondergirl]

I want to know your opinion on my first book "Don't be racist" here is a sample:
I get up holding on to anything near me and throw my pillow and blanket back on my bed, grab my towel and head for the shower. I scrunch my nose and quickly grab the febreeze to spray away the funk from my older brothers. Even after they take a shower they make the bathroom smell bad. Ugh, I need my own bathroom for real now. I rush quickly to Mr. Marc's new history debate class, my first period. Right when I step foot into the class, the bell rings. I am so happy I have quick feet. “Welcome Mrs. Davis you're just in time. The history debate today is about racism between white and black people. Go take a seat and we will begin.” I took a seat next to my home girl, Jayda. We both nodded a “what's up” to each other. I set down my tote and looked at Mr. Marc who was waiting patiently.

I like it! I'd start a new paragraph with "I rush quickly....," put commas around "Mrs. Davis," and capitalize "fabreeze," but otherwise, it's good, real good!

Are you "Mrs. Davis"? If so, why are you living with older brothers?

[methefabulous]

Nyc starting... but what exactly is the story about.. I mean what exactly is happening

[deronette97]

Amari lives in a town full of her kind and hispanic people, which which she is used to. But when she hears the news about having to move to "a town full of white folks" Amari feels angry and depressed she skips school for a few days. When she gets back she tells her friends the bad news and starts to cry very softly.When she moves to the town, she heaers of a school that gladly has some black people there. When she asks her parents to bring her there instead of an all white school, they tell her its to far a way and that its not in our zone. Reluctanly, Amari goes to the school having to deal with kids saying and doing racist and cruel things to her until she meets one white girl named Anna who is against racism ''and stuff" at first Amari doesn't think she's telling the truth about it, especially because she's slightly goth. After awhile they agree to start a website and an essay about how ignorant racism is. At first, what she does causes some kids in her neighborhood to threaten her about it. When she tells her best friends Deidra and Anya about it, straight from the ghetto Deidra tells her "Don't fret 'bout 'dem white folks, let'em know--verbally not physically--who's boss girl, I thought we knew you better then that girl. I'm 'bout to trip on'em". Amari decides to take her advice and continue her stuff no matter how many threats she and her parents receive. When she is done with her essay and has enough votes on her website. She decides to show her whole school during an assebly how much racism is wrong and what African-Americans go through. At the end of it most of the kids were convinced but a few cold-hearted 7th and 8th graders decided to care less about it and continue the cruel racism. That's when she says something that totally shocks everyone that she is actually interviewed a few weeks later. Soon the issue is heard in all of United States that, the government decides to help her family's money problems and builds them a new house gladly back in Florida where everyone is happy to see her. But before she left, with her artistic talent, she drew a mural of the schools mascot (Tiger) and wrote at the top "Every Tiger can make a difference" and she left her old school and town known as " ghetto hero"

[Wondergirl]

What have you posted for us -- the beginning of the story? Do you want critiques?