[xdarkninja]

Hey guys/ladies,

I'm new to this but I've been reading a lot and I just really need some help. Here is the situation, This girl and I been together for 6 months and everything is going great. It's a long distance relationship but I planned on going up to see her over the summer but all this stuff happened before hand. Anyway, everything is going great and like few weeks ago (been kind of stretching it out) that she told me she started to like this guy but she doesn't want to and she is confused and all. I understand all that cause of the distance things and plus she broke up with me cause she wanted to "experiance" things like date around 1 or 2 guys max (from what she said) but not take it far like having smex. But then next day, I guess she felt really bad hurting me and asked me back and I took her back without any question cause I thought it was just a mistake she made, but than I felt the change in her like she was getting obsessed with this guy... and yet, she doesn't know how this guy feels about her and they've been hanging out a lot from what her friend told me. Nothing is official between them yet and she knows I love her deeply and care for her a lot. And I've been trying to get her back but like the no contact thing, I haven't tried all I've done for the moment is limit the communication and last night we finally talked.. like a friend and I'm having a feeling she is telling me the truth but yet stretching it. My problem is I really love this girl and I know she is putting me on hold and I need to move on with my life but my question is; if I stop all contact going from 1 or 2 text throughout the day to no text at all... would she finally realize all this and move on? Or would she come back to me? Cause I broke it off with her just to make her life choice easier but she still seems down at times about it. She told me once before that I'm one of a kind and she is very lucky cause God gived me her and all that... it's a long story. But I just don't know how a feeling would change just like that.. cause of one guy... and so am I even doing the right thing? Texting her one to 2 times a day and than now starting to kill all contact cause during the text we didn't say much and last night when I did talk to her we talked for abit but I ended the conversation... so any suggestion would be appreciated XD. I really want her back but I don't know how to get her back or it's too late already.

I talked to her friends and they said they tried to make her realize what she about to lose but she is way obsessed with this guy. She told me that guy reminded her of me so much and that's the reason why she is falling for this guy, but the problem is... I'm me.. and only I can be me... he is just another guy.

She hasn't said anything like I don't love you or don't want to be with you. I asked her before where do I stand in her life? She replyed A good friend. Than I asked her if she is hooked up with this guy and she said no and also asked if she is waiting on him to ask her out and she said she isn't expecting it. And another thing is that I asked her if she thinks we'll have another shot at it together? And she replyed "idk"... so I'm sure she is just confused and that's what she been telling me but she felt aweful breaking it up with me so she came back and like 2 or 3 weeks later I ended it cause I felt she was suffering so I made it easier for her. I still do love her and care a lot about her, but does this mean.. her and I are completely over for good or do I still have another shot at this? And is it worth it? Cause I'm about to cut all contact from her and only reply if she contact me but ill make her wait abit until I'm done with what I'm doing. I was stubborn for trying to keep her for myself when she was feeling this way but like 2 or 3 weeks later from that I ended it but I didn't really tell her why... cause she was just having a hard time choosing so I just end it and hope one day she will realize everything. So what exactly do I have to do??

[BMI]

She might as well just say to you "hold off a bit while I see if this other guy likes me". Also, she's only met ONE of you but is falling for some guy cause he's EXACTLY like you?? Yeah, makes a lot of sense.

It's easy for me to say tell her to hit the road but seriuosly, tell her to hit the road. Never mind the whole moving away slowly thing, just up and leave.

Play this situation back when your thinking straight and you'll see that she's basically interviewing other guy's and having you waitit out. You can do a lot better than her and she is not giving you HALF the thought you are giving her. Why would you even want a girl that would put you through this, she's obviously B.Sing you.

[xdarkninja]

Yea I understand so that's probable what I'm doing. One of her close friend told me that she is just confused, but she doesn't like this guy. It's just that the distance is getting to her... and that now if I leave, she is stuck without me and not knowing how this guy feels about her... (that's if there not together). Like I'm not that hurt so much anymore cause I saw this coming so I was preparing myself. It's what confuses me is if I go up and see her friends and maybe her, will her feelings change or will she come to her sense before than? And like all her friends tells me she truly loves me but why this.. is what I don't get. And I told her I was happy for her and all and all and all she could say is "sigh"... :\ and like when we broke up pretty much she told me that ever since we broke up this kid has been there for her and they've gotten really really close... I'm sure they are already together in a way. But it doesn't matter now lol I think its best to let it go and who knows if she'll come back right?

[BMI]

If she comes back than great (if it is great at all) but seriously do not contact her or do anything if you've made up your mind to let this go. There are too many question marks as to what she could be up to based on her behaviour, questions which you will never really be able to answer. Move on and let the cards fall where they may.

[xdarkninja]

Yea man, Thanks for all the help. I'm going to just live the way I should and let the card fall in it's place, but I'm not going to give up on her yet. No point of thinking too much since like u said, "which you will never really be able to answer." So thinking about all this will just gimme a headache and might make it worst so I'm not going to think anymore. Yea, I guess I'm easy to talk too in a way cause I got my priority straight after the death in the family and all. (Just too much to worry at the moment. I guess I was just in over my head with being depressed and she hates it when I'm like that). So maybe she just wants a break cause of the way I've been... so many question and no answers. Ek.. hum... I'll just take your advice for now but still contact her once in awhile to check up on her so she knows I'm still around. Cause after all, I'm me and I care for the people I love and giving up is the last thing on Earth ill do. At least being a friend is better than nothing at all, and if she comes back that's great like u said, but if she doesn't than its just friends for life. At least she knows she has someone to care about her and be there for her always.

"If you truly love him/her, let him/her go and if he/she comes back than it's meant to be. If not, than it's not meant to be." I guess living by this quote is true after all. Only a way to see if it's all true...

I just got a gut feeling that I'll be seeing her again. But thanks man XD I really appreciate you replying to me. Cause I've been thinking a lot but I can never get any answers and it's just driving me nuts. But you do have some points to look at cause I didn't think of it that way, so I'll take all that into consideration and see how life is and how everything is placed. ^^ Thanks a bunch.

[I wish]

Another thing we should add is that you risk or are already her backup guy.

Sounds like she wants to experiment. If it's not this current guy, it could be another guy. You might not want to hear this, but another reason she's fallen for another guy is because she's not entirely sure about how she feels about you.

You said it yourself, she's really curious about this other guy. So if she's curious, it means she doesn't really know him that well and wants to find out more. So what's stopping her from experimenting with a third guy or fourth guy?

She's putting you on hold because she's not sure it will work out with this new guy or any other new guys. So by keeping her cards close, she is not letting you go, just it case everyone else rejects her or doesn't work out. Then she's got you as her safety net.

That's not the type of girl you want. Because you like her so much, you got to keep up the no contact. Let her sort out her feelings. Maybe you're right, it's just a one time thing and she will realize what she's losing and come back to you. Or maybe it's the beginning of the end of your relationship.

So during this time out, focus on making yourself stronger and be prepared that she might never come back to you. Furthermore, you might not even want her back because of how easily she can fall for another guy while already in a supposedly stable relationship.

[xdarkninja]

True on that as well, I might be just a backup guy to her or just being string along. (maybe or maybe not, no one knows for sure). Yea it hurts like no tomorrow, but I believe that everything happens for a reason; just like how all of us guys/girls are here trying to figure all this out and try to help each other out. I do believe any of us could be a better person and by doing so facing reality and our situation instead of running away. This is why I choose to still stick around and be there for her, with or without me. Everyone needs a friend in this world and close one is what we all wish for. I've taught her a lot about life experience just because I see things completely differently, but there is always improvements in life.

Yea maybe it's a one time thing, maybe it won't be... but even so at the end, fate will decide for us... If I end up with someone else than its destine to be that way and it's her lost for not seeing how truly I feel for her when I could promise her forever and kept my word. I guess sometimes people won't realize what "true love" really is until they lost it. I've been trying and trying to make her realize everything but she can't seem to see it. Experience > Me... I guess

I believe some of us that are on here should try to face the problem instead of just "no contact" cause we all desperate want our love ones to come back to us but we can't force them to love us and come back. But having said, "no contact is to let her sort her feelings out" yet there is a chance she will never come back cause of lack of communication and that gives them time to either miss you or leave you. It's a 50-50 shot, but as I said before it's best to be there for her and let her know you'll always be there for her. Cause at the end, you know you did the right thing because you're always there for her as a friend and she might respect that now and future but it'll make her regret for life that she has given up a great guy and she can watch you're life move on to greater things and she only hopes that she is with you.

After a long thinking and getting advice on the way y'all see things, it's really gotten easier on my part cause I know I can speak my mind and feelings here. In my own perspective and what I've gone through with family and her... I'd suggest that who ever read this post understand that "no contact" might work but might not but I'm sure all of us here are way better than that and we could offer a friendship to the girl/guy we love instead of cutting them completely off... because we are alike in one way and that is to be someone unique and someone better. Usually what happens everyday is we just cut off contact and pretend that person never exist.. wouldn't that consider running away? Looking for an easy way out? Why not just try another approach, instead of cutting her off completely; just be her friend even though its hard as heck... but at the end when you're with someone else, that person will feel the lost and would probable do anything to get you back after seeing how you handle a "breakup or a break." Even as much pain you're going through, you still have the heart to pick yourself up and be who you are while maybe holding on but letting go at the same time. I think that's how a person can be even stronger... so either way it's more of a win win situation or solution... you be there for her even if things don't work out, it doesn't mean you have to accept her back when she finally decides cause you might not feel the same way. But one thing that the person will never forget is You've always been there for him/her even as much pain as he/she put you through. Just a suggestion... what do y'all think? Am I just over my head? :\ lol

You're right about "focus on making yourself stronger and be prepared that she might never come back to you." It's all a 50-50 shot... but like what BMI said "There are too many question marks"... so at the end, we still don't really know what the answer is.

[xdarkninja]

Threads merged

Hey guys/ladies,

One thing I don't understand is that this whole forum is about NC. Let's just say we want to get our ex's back, whether it's a he or she that left or you left he/she. By doing NC doesn't it mean to just let everything go, no fighting chance, no 2nd chances... it's just to give up everything and move on. So has anyone ever done NC and later on like a month or 2... the ex comes back looking for you after being with someone else? Or after starting the NC... he/she is just basically gone for good...

And what if it's a mutual breakup... are we still doing the NC thing? Or being friends and hope everything would come back?

My case is that I was with this girl (long distance) for 6 months... and was planning to meet her in 2 months ( first time ever) but she first broke up with me cause she claim that she wanted to explore and experience around (not doing that stuff) than next day she came back to me and I didn't think too much and took her back but after awhile... after my grandfather's death and knowing all this I couldn't handle it and I broke up with her. I still love her deeply and miss her but after the break up, this guy (her friend I suppose) started hanging with her a lot and all that and I guess people are trying to hook them up and she already likes this guy... so 3 weeks later, he asked her out and she said yes and I'm guessing it's cause of rebound but either way... I needed time to pick myself up and she can "explore and expierance" I guess... so I made the choice to break up with her. Problem is she never message me or talk to me anymore unless I do but it felt like she still care and have feeling but yet she is scaried to talk to me... now I'm doing NC and I've only talked to her like 2 or 3 times in a month for less than 10 min. So... should I still go up and see her cause I plan on hanging out with her and her friends or I should just forget it? And keep going with NC.. keep in mind I'm trying to get her back because it's a mutual break up. ( I think ) I tried asking her to come back but she said "i'm really sorry" and than after a week when I had the chance to confess to her about why I broke up... she said "so you're okay with us being friends and life moves on?" I'm taking that as it's over for good or am I just over thinking it? And now that guy and her are together and one of her friends and her sis thinks they won't make it... so I don't know... Just sort of lost on what is right to do. I guess she is confused so is it best to just wait it out but still amend myself and keep on living and doing the things I want too and when she is ready, she'll talk to me? Is this the right way?

I asked by doing NC would make an ex come back (under few standard) or he/she is gone for good is cause I don't want to loose this girl and I know I love her deeply enough to make the best choice for both of us and hopefully get back together one day. I broke up cause I didn't want to bring her down with me cause I was so depressed and also she wanted to explore the world cause she still young and I can understand why and than finding out she starting to like this guy cause he is almost like me (from what she said)... but it just doesn't seem that she is intrigued with this guy now cause I have her on my Facebook and she didn't even put up pic of them and when we talk, I never bring up anything about relationship or us.. (it's just trying to bring back the trust) and start over again and also she never talk about this guy so I don't know... I'm not really hurting that much but only sometimes but deep down I feel like we'll definitely see each other and get together again. So now I'm confused as well... any advice please. I've been living my life so that keeps me busy all the time... and also by doing NC is she ever going to forget about the feelings she has for me? Or is a lost cause for me and should just forget everything?

Thank you and sorry for the disorganization.

[snow124]

You haven't even met the girl. She didn't think you were worth waiting for. Why still meet her?

[mudweiser]

Having no contact isn't about leaving your ex behind.

It's about:
•Getting a reality check on your relationship; sometimes you can't see the massive pile of BS until you step back and your out of it.
•Getting your priorities straight
•Finding who you are
•Bettering yourself.

If this is "true" love- whatever that means- then I'm sure things would be able to work out in the later future when both of you are able to make the relationship work.

Sarah

[xdarkninja]

We've seen each other on webcam and all and I made plans to see her so it could be count as offiicial and everything. Like meeting her parents and all... so that's why I plan on going up there to see what's up.

Like sarah said... it might work out in the future cause once I meet her and all things might change? She could just end it with that guy there cause when I was with her all this time, I was always there for her and talk to her through things and when I broke it off.. she pretty much was left alone so I'm thinking this is why she said yes to this guy but now maybe realizing he isn't what she expected (its just a assumption which I'm not going to make this an excuse)

[I wish]

Harshness warning

In your situation, I doubt it will work out any time soon. It might be possible that you find each other again one day. But consider the following:

First of you, in any relationship, if you want things to work out, you would continue to try and not break up. When you are still a couple, you are continuing to give each other chances. The fact that you broke up, means that you were ready to give up all those chances and make a fresh start.

In your situation, this isn't a question of no contact and giving her time and space to figure things out. She found a new guy in her life. Whether it was a rebound or not, it doesn't matter, the fact is, she allowed herself to fall for another guy, which means she's ready to let you go or already let you go.

You need to go into no contact because you need to let her go and move on with your life.

You had your chance with her when you were together. You should have tried to worked things out while you were together. The fact that you broke up means that you wanted to move on. After you break up one time, the trust is heavily shaken in a relationship, because who knows when's the next time you guys will break up. So she doesn't want to put herself through that emotional rollar-coaster anymore.

She already made it clear that she just wants to be friends. If you can't handle a friendship only, then stop talking to her until you've moved on, then you can maybe be friends one day.

[xdarkninja]

Do you think there will be another chance for us though? Cause when your grandfather pass away, family dramatized, and than having your g/f telling you she is liking this other guy and giving you some cold shoulder at times... like every few min on phone to tell you to hold so she could text... Is kind of hard to deal with all of these? I finally picked myself up from the ditch and I needed this fresh start to finally find myself again.

The vib I was getting from her is she really want to see what her and this guy relationship will be like.

[liz28]

How in the world was you always there for this girl you don't know? Yes, you talked to her via the net and chatting through webcam for 6 months--thats all. You never met her nor had any interactions with her but you love her? Come again!

Then you go on to say she has a boyfriend (which she picked over you) and some how you think you still have a chance?

Then your checking her Facebook page and all because you don't see a photo posted of them two you think you still have a chance.

NC is about you not your ex. It is for you heal and start moving on. If you talk to someone your trying to get over how do you expect to heal and be able to move on? Doing this will only leave you stuck and keep you holding on to false hope that will come back and kick you in the a$$.

You can't never, I mean never, get someone back that doesn't want you back. You can beg and plead, apologize over and over again, bargin with them, waste your money on flowers or cards or gifts, and you can even wasted your money on these e-books flowing around on how to get your ex back. However, the fact remains that in the end your only wasting time, money and energy and prolonging your healing for a big fat no.

It is time for you to get off the internet and get out there and start meeting females in your town so you can interact with them in person instead
Of the internet.

The choice is yours because after all it is your life.

[mudweiser]

Your really killing yourself here. Really. Your self-torturing.

You really need to try the no contact rule, and find other things to do besides mope. Here is a thread with a gazillion ideas on what to do after a break-up: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html


Sarah

[xdarkninja]

I do meet people around here, its just I don't click with them like I do with her. And like I said I wanted to see her that's why I planned on going up there. And yea I'm just trying to figure this whole thing out

[xdarkninja]

I do parkour and have summer classes for college so I'm already packed... that is what's getting me through this without much pain.

[liz28]

I do meet people around here, its just i don't click with them like i do with her. And like i said i wanted to see her thats why i planned on going up there. And yea im just trying to figure this whole thing out

You should change your plans. This girl is involved with someone and if you think going to see will make her want to be with you then your sadly mistaken.

[xdarkninja]

It's really not going up there to win her back or w/e. It's more of making a connection that we finally saw each other and know each other in a way... but friendship must be there first and I know some of her friends as well and we're pretty tight so this is a chance to meet more new people from all over since I love to travel and it gives me a chance to explore. Either way if she comes back or not it's all up to her cause like what liz said u can't force anyone to come back. I guess no one really knows what's going to happen in the future... only way is to make a step forward and seek it through?? One step at a time and maybe things will turn out right. If not, than it's never meant to be... right?

[snow124]

All of her actions so far show that she doesn't want it to be. I say stop rationalizing with excuses to still meet her and cut off all ties.