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BeeYotch · Oct 19, 2008, 02:09 PM

Hello, this is my dilema I have a son who I did everything for his whole life, right down to the wedding day,any thing they needed except, I didn't get invited to the rehearsal,didn't get flowers at the church they forgot, the usher was late so I didn't know where to sit,didn't get invited for pictures ,set up the honeymoon night got called for a ride and not invited to the gift opening and there wondering why I am upset? What would you do? I haven't spoke yo them in 5 months? The daughter in law is just a ?

Thanks for listening,

liz28 · Oct 19, 2008, 03:49 PM

How was your relationship with your son and daughter in law before the wedding?

scottishdrunk23 · Oct 19, 2008, 04:33 PM

First off don't say anything about the wife. Your son is happy with her so don't yank that chain unless its necessary.on your son though I completely agree that that wasn't right but what's done is done, just try and improve the relationship with them (invite them over,go over there for a barbecue,etc.) and honestly hope for the best

BeeYotch · Oct 19, 2008, 07:02 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

How was your relationship with your son and daughter in law before the wedding?

It was Great right up until the wedding, His father gave them 5000 for his wedding and I only gave 4000 so I was told.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 19, 2008, 07:17 PM

Sorry, you are looking at "things" those come, those go,
You seem to be the one with most of the issues, why don't you just go see them, invite them over and start healing.

BeeYotch · Oct 19, 2008, 07:20 PM

Nope,that won't happen from me after embarrassing in front of 300 people and no apology.But I do understand what you are saying for the healing process.

simoneaugie · Oct 19, 2008, 10:08 PM

Does your son know just how you feel? You can't assume that he knows. Try writing him a letter, or several. The first few may need to be burned. Burning is good, healing. Let your anger and past embarrassment go up with the smoke. Then, when you have the final draft ready, have a level-headed friend go over it to be sure that it's exactly what you want to say.

Yes, leave his wife out of this. Your son dropped the ball. He got caught up in the wedding frenzy and forgot about one of the most important participants in his life. He still loves you. You love him but detest the way things turned out. He needs your support and forgiveness, whether he knows it or not.

sylvan_1998 · Oct 20, 2008, 07:18 AM

And the truth is he can not go back and undo what was done. Whether intentional or not, don't give them the power to hurt you. From this point on don't expect anything and if you want to be included, tell them. This way you can insure no more misunderstandings.

But I would not harbor this resentment. It will grow into a monster. A mediator might be nice to work through these issues.

NeedKarma · Oct 20, 2008, 07:29 AM

You guys gave $9000 for the wedding and you're on the groom's side? How expensive was this wedding??

BeeYotch · Oct 20, 2008, 03:38 PM

The wedding was really expensive the decorater and decorations was 4000, The hall 500 ,the food,the drinks,photographer and all the rest of it.

DoulaLC · Oct 20, 2008, 03:59 PM

Ok... forgetting one thing or another is one thing (which would still seem odd since you are the groom's mother) but how they didn't notice you weren't at the rehearsal dinner or there for pictures is beyond me... especially if you say you had a great relationship up until the wedding. Apparently they didn't think quite the same way.

I would certainly let them know how you feel, the ball will be in their court then. Again, if your relationship was great, why haven't they contacted you in the last five months? Was it "great" just since the engagement and preparing for the wedding?

If you can, take the high road... offer the olive branch, and try to move passed it.

BeeYotch · Oct 20, 2008, 05:56 PM

I let them know how I felt and that's probably why they haven't contacted me.

DoulaLC · Oct 21, 2008, 03:22 AM

Then you will have to decide whether you are going to make the next move or wait and see if they will. Unless you want things to continue as they are, someone will.
It may not seem right and it may not seem "fair", but since it is bothering you, be the one to try again. It will only fester and you will feel worse the longer it goes.
Maybe write to them again, express your hurt, that you don't understand how or why it happened, but also let them know that you want to leave that in the past. Maybe it was simply some gross oversight on their part... would be nice if they apologized, but don't count on it if they haven't already. They may be too embarrassed to do so.
Invite them over, if they live close by... stay in contact if they don't. I hope you are able to get it sorted out and you can build a new relationship with them.