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confused2345 · Jun 27, 2008, 10:05 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. The past year has been rough. We have been on and off throughout the year. I can say its been miserable. My problem is that I feel he has lost interest in me. It hurts me deeply to think that. He told me we don't talk often, but I told him that he has to call me in order for us to talk. I try to call him but he doesn't respond back most of the time. It hasn't been a normal relationship. I asked him if he wanted to explore other options and he said its not that. I'm confused and I feel he is too. He is scared of committing to me as well. I'm not a bad person, I don't know how to get him to realize that its okay to open his heart to me. What can I do? How can I save this relationship?

starlite1 · Jun 27, 2008, 12:24 PM

Hi Confused,

From reading your post, it seems like you both need to really sit down and communicate. He seems like he is afraid of commitment, but why? Also, you mentioned that you have been on and off throughout the year. Again, I ask why? What transpired between you that you guys would be on and off? This may hold the key as to what is going on.

chuff · Jun 27, 2008, 12:59 PM

I'm a little confused how he could be afraid of commitment after 2 years? That being said, I sense something is wrong with him that he either doesn't want to tell you or is afraid to tell you. Also, why are you two calling each other to talk... after two years shouldn't you be talking in person? As Starlite points out I get the impression there is more to this story then you are letting on, if you want some more in depth answers you need to express the entire story. But I think you two both seem to be walking on egg shells and sometimes you just have to crack the eggs and I suggest you start a conversation by saying you are not trying to insult him but you are going to ask some real questions that need a response and ask him what's going on.

xxrangerxx · Jun 27, 2008, 01:59 PM

Sounds like to me that you're both waiting on the other to make some sort of decision? I don't know..

Either way it may have got to the point where there's no turning back and it's best if you both parted ways. I mean, you've been together for 2yrs and this is the phase of your relationship? Phone calls that he picks and chooses to answer or call you back on? Hm... red flag

Fr_Chuck · Jun 27, 2008, 02:05 PM

Or he has other tihngs going on and is happy with the limited relationship he is having with you.

confused2345 · Jun 27, 2008, 03:30 PM

We have been on and off due to his inability to commit and act like he's a boyfriend to me. He never called. I felt like I was the only one putting in effort in this relationship. I would stop contacting him so he can do it when he pleases and we would go weeks without speaking. Now he tells me that we don't talk, but he doesn't realize why. He would end up breaking up with me over little arguments. After few weeks he would come back to me telling me he likes me a lot. I love him and I don't want to lose him. This relationship hurts me a lot and its taking a toll on me. I just want him to be a boyfriend/partner to me. That's all.

Distantlove · Jun 27, 2008, 03:36 PM

I agree with fr_chuck also, there is the possibility of him being fine with it that way, especially as its been like that for a year now. Maybe your right, he's decided after a year he doesn't want to have too much of an intense relationship, and he'de rather take it easy. However, there is also a strong possibility that you two don't communicate enough and that can cause assumptions. You need to sit him down and really find out what is wrong and what's going on. We're humans, you can't sense exactly what he is thinking/feeling unless you have psychic powers, so why not TALK and find out? That is the only way in 'saving' this, for better or worse. Be supportive, just tell him to not be afraid to open his heart to you, make him feel comfortable and make him feel ready to tell you what's up. Goodluck.

confused2345 · Jun 27, 2008, 03:39 PM

He isn't happy with the way it is because he told me that it doesn't feel like we are in a relationship. I told him that we need to talk to each other. I hope I can get him to communicate with me more. He seems so closed off. I feel that he's not interested in me anymore. I get mixed signals.

CheekyChop20 · Jun 27, 2008, 03:43 PM

Seems to me as though he sees you as low maintenance to the point where he doesn't have to lift a finger with regards to your relationship or making you happy. You can't make him be a better boyfriend to you. I think you should seriously let him know how you feel and if he doesn't actively try to do better by you at least you'll know what you mean to him.

confused2345 · Jun 27, 2008, 03:48 PM

I realize that I am more emotionally involved than he is in this relationship. I have been low maintenance. When I try to be hard to get, he comes back to me and I give in. I'm in love with him and it hurts so much.

Distantlove · Jun 27, 2008, 03:52 PM

I know how you feel to feel like your boyfriend isn't on the same level as you and isn't as interested as you are in the relationship. I'v felt like that a lot this year and it made me miserable and trapped. But the only way to try and sort it out is to try and get him to communicate, tell him how its making YOU feel, and if he cared he would make effort to communicate with you also. Best of luck.

ylaira · Jun 27, 2008, 03:57 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Or he has other tihngs going on and is happy with the limited relationship he is having with you.

I couldnt agree more

confused2345 · Jun 27, 2008, 03:59 PM

How can I get him to communicate? Its so hard getting him to give me a call.

I'm so miserable.

Distantlove · Jun 27, 2008, 04:04 PM

It's definitely best to talk in person. That way you can look at each other and support each other more. Definitely in person. Sit him down with you, with juice or some tea or whatever and simply ask him how he's been recently. Then tell him how you've been feeling, saying you've been feeling miserable because you feel like he doesn't want to talk or he's not as interested, say its upsetting you and you really want to know why because you don't want to be left thinking to yourself and making assumptions. Remind him that's its OK to open up to you and you'de respect everything he says. He should communicate this way if you show it has been upsetting you. As a boyfriend, he should be telling you what's up if you approach him in this way. Whatever you do, don't raise your voice or get agitated or too disagreeable (if that makes sense), just stay calm and act understanding, then tell him what you think and what could be done etc. It's a two way thing, so always ask each other questions. I hope this works for you :)

talaniman · Jun 27, 2008, 06:43 PM

Confused2345, He isn't happy with the way it is because he told me that it doesn't feel like we are in a relationship.

Bingo, this isn't a relationship, its you hoping for one.

I told him that we need to talk to each other. I hope I can get him to communicate with me more.

After two years that is wishful thinking.

He seems so closed off. I feel that he's not interested in me anymore. I get mixed signals.

]
I see the part where he isn't interested, I don't see any interest on his part at all. There are no mixed signals, he doesn't care.
If you want a relationship, find a man who wants one too. Please don't take him back.