Check out some similar questions!

johncold · Jun 27, 2008, 03:13 AM

Hey, answer me this question. Is it possible for a single guy of 28 to have a very close friendship and platonic relationship with a woman of 31yrs but who just happens to be married?
I’ve known her now for over 4yrs and we work together. I’ve always thought of her as a very close friend and nothing more, but there are times I do think of her on a much deeper level then friendship. I’ve a lot of personal issues at the moment and she has helped me out a lot, getting me through the difficult things.
For a while now I’ve had no girlfriend but do you think I could be hiding behind her because I don’t have to try for a girlfriend myself because I have her I don’t need to try because she understands me, even better than my own parents. Do I think of her as my girlfriend in that we can talk to each other about everything and get on great with each other?
Both of us know so much about each other is it possible for us to have that platonic relationship from my side? Should I talk to her about this and she what she thinks about it all?

N0help4u · Jun 27, 2008, 05:11 AM

In my 20's I had a lot of really good married guy friends. They treated me like a sister, even called me kid sister and I was a couple years older than them. If you are feeling like there is more there than there should be though you may need to back off.
I wouldn't talk to her about your relationship possibly being the hold back on you finding a girlfriend but maybe talk to her about girlfriend relationships in general. Like, "I would like to find a good girlfriend for me but I just don't know where to begin!"

xxrangerxx · Jun 27, 2008, 06:34 AM

It's totally natural to sometimes think about a real good friend of the opposite sex as being possibly "more than a friend". I have a really really good female friend that I've known since college and I as well have thought at times what it'd be like to be together. But other than those few times it's just been strictly friends. We've never kissed, never done anything to hurt any significant others that we have been with, and it's been good.

Having someone of the opposite sex as a real good friend is great. I'm going through a hard break up and it's nice to talk to her and get some advice from female's perspective. Where as my guy friends would never offer any real advice except to, "forget her and do other women" or stuff like that.

But really... since you've got other things going on in your life right now, your mind just seems to be racing and your psyching yourself out it seems. Just need to get in control of everything else first... and see how you start feeling!

talaniman · Jun 28, 2008, 08:06 AM

I have many female friends, and they are also our family friends. As long as things are above board, and you honor and respect her life, and stay within the boundaries of friendship, the rewards are great. It would help to be friends with her husband also, if not you could cause many problems, and its just not worth it.

N0help4u · Jun 28, 2008, 08:08 AM

One thing I do if I want to hang out with my friends is invite my boyfriend along if he didn't want to that was on him. As Talaniman said as long as everything is above board...

JBeaucaire · Jun 28, 2008, 02:51 PM

This issue isn't about whether WE can have a platonic relationship, the issue is can YOU.

You've already admitted you've had inappropriate attraction feelings for this friend. So, you are the one at the crossroads. If you're mature enough to ignore natural attractions to others that are inappropriate, then you're fine.

BUT... then you ask if you should talk to her about. Well, there you have it, you clearly are ready to NOT IGNORE these feelings and introduce them to your relationship, endangering her marriage and your friendship.

Based on your message alone, I'd say, "no, you aren't going to be able to have a platonic relationship."

For me to be wrong, you have to keep quiet about it forever... and continue developing your love life with others.