[Dare81]

I had a really good weekend with myfriends after feeling horrible for the past week!... Ive decided im just gonna go to her house and just tell her how i feel so i can get it all out im not going to seem desperate or needy i just want to express the way i feel and let her make a decision im not going to beg for her to come back to me im going to say if you want to give things a try again im here but im not going to be waiting around. The main part what gets me is that she gave up on me so fast.... i understand this is her first real good relationship! all of her other boyfriends used her and treated her like sh.t! and her other relationships only lasted about a month at max. This was her longest one and her first love which was just about a year long.

This is not going to work out.How are you going to ask her to come back without acting desperate and needy? If you find a way do let me know.It doesn't matter it this was her first real good relationship, in by the way she doesn't think it was her first good relationship, if she did why would she then break up with you.Move on.

[neverme]

im not going to seem desperate or needy

Yes, yes you will. You won't mean to, but you will come across that way. I'd nearly promise it.

Sorry to tell you buddy, but from someone that has been on both the giving and receiving side of desperate, you will.

[DJ28]

Honestly man just stop and chill a sec, leave her alone. All you are going to do is push her away more and more every time you do this. Just leave it and move on. If she really wants you she will come back to you but let her be the one that takes the initiative.
Because all your doing is setting yourself up for some major heartache, more then you have now. Because once you have totally scared her off she will never come back. Then you totally lost her for good. And never have a chance again.

[heartbroke]

I did the same thing man, it will put pressure on her and she won't like it. If you give a girl an ultimatem, they will always pick the one you didn't want to piss you off and show you she's independent. Your going to look needy, don't do it

[Empty Cans]

The only thing that you can do to make her want to come back is... do nothing. You trying to convince her to get back together with you will backfire spectacularly.

Its very very counter-intuitive... but it's the way it is. If you want her back, leave her alone, and let her make that decision on her own. And while you are leaving her alone, move along with your life, that way if she decides she doesn't want to get back together, you will be far enough down the track that you won't care either way.

[jmw0713]

She sounds very immature. You were her longest relationship and it was only for a year?

How old are you two?

She definitely has to figure herself out. If all of her relationships have only been for a few months to a year, she doesn't know what she wants relationship wise. She still has a lot of growing to do.

You need to leave her alone and figure out what exactly you want in a woman, because it sounds like you have a lot growing to do as well. Continue to go out, have fun, and not worry about anything right now.

[JTS31708]

I decided not to go but now I'm stuck with a $50 teddy bear and I don't have the receipt lol Im going to give her time for a while!

[jmw0713]

Give it to a little sister, niece, or cousin. They will love it I bet.

[JTS31708]

Today I went over like she told me to then blew me off and didn't give me the time of day to express the way I feel so I can let everything out and move on with my life! I ended up going over(she wasn't home) her mom and I talked and it made me feel a lot better and I gave her stuff that was at my house and a teddy bear that I was going to give her for valentines day there was no need in keeping it so I gave it and left I cried in the car for about 10 min but after wards I felt a lot better and now I feel so much better and am ready to move on with my life if she tries to talk to me again it probably won't happen... if I ever decide to let it work again things will go very very slowly but for right now I feel great or at least better then last week!

[ka1]

Everyone on here is right, read people's posts and stories on here about their "breaks" and you will see they are like yours. She does love you, you always will love someone you loved before just less than before and not in a romantic way but she needs to go out and live her life and she chose without you. Now you need to do the same, go NC with her and rebuild your own life without her.

I will bet you that if you end up going to dinner on Valentine's Day you will follow it up with a post on the forum about what does this mean, or what does that mean. You are going to end up worse than what you are now.

You know I've never gotten this whole they just love in a different way now. It's like saying a bird is not a bird any more. It seems nonsensical to me. If they love you, really love you, then they should always love in that way. If they don't then it seems to me, either they never did, or they have associated love with the emotional feeling that we see in the movies, but that is not real love. Trust... people married for 30 years do not love each other (the emotional kind) at the same level. It goes up and down over the years.

[JTS31708]

Just asking but the girl that I recently got dumped by a week ago is already flirting with some other guy (event though I don't care now). I finally feel a lot better getting out everything I needed to say to her. She and I were going out for about a year and it was the best relationship we have both ever had! I did everything I could for I was always there for her and now since we broke up she thinks I'm annoying because all her friends or people that know her said she made a mistake. She told me to come over today so I can talk to her and she blew me off and didn't give me the time of day and left. I drove to her house and me and her mom had a talk and she thinks that she isn't thinking straight and all. She called and I picked up and I told her on the phone how I felt I didn't argue or anything and she got mad because of everyone saying how big of a mistake she made and she told me "F**k you"and hung up on me I replieed back(text) saying one day you'll understand and appreciate everything I did for you and was always there by your side and if you ever want to give us another chance then call me. Bye. How long will it take this girl to realize "Damn I made a mistake and I miss the stuff he did for me.

Just wondering by the way ever since I wrote that and left a big teddy bear on her bed and talked to her mom I feel a lot better and not stressed one bit.

[tabslongs89]

From a past experience, it took him about 2 months. And that's what people told me. That he'll realize what he did and come back to you wanting you to take him back if I just gave it a few months. But, don't rely on that. She may take much longer or never at all. If she's not willing to give you the time of day, I say to maybe do a little dating in the time being... you know... don't wait for just one person to change.

[JTS31708]

I agree with what you say I just wish people would realize all the good things you do for them and were always there for them. But for now I'm taking it slow and not rushing into a relationship for a while until I feel ready to do so because at times my heart still hurts knowing I lost someone I loved very much.

[_Someone_]

Nobody in the world can predict if she will ever regret her decision.she may or she may not.she regrets it or not, its not your duty to think about this or you are not going to move on. Focus on yourself and start your healing process which means No Contact. Time is the best medicine. There is an expression "they may forget what you said to them, but they will never forget how you made them feel".so don't worry. She will never forget a such nice guy like you.if she is clever enough she will come back. If she isn't, its her problem.You just move on. Go NC and don't wait for her.you are not losing her.she lost you.

[Romefalls19]

You know I've never gotten this whole they just love in a different way now. It's like saying a bird is not a bird any more. It seems nonsensical to me. If they love you, really love you, then they should always love in that way. If they don't then it seems to me, either they never did, or they have associated love with the emotional feeling that we see in the movies, but that is not real love. Trust...people married for 30 years do not love each other (the emotional kind) at the same level. it goes up and down over the years.

OK, now you are just being naïve. I have broken my far share of hearts, as well as had my heart broken a few times and I still love each and everyone of the girls I said "I love you" too, just not in the emotional way I used too. Each girl will hold a special place in my heart because of the time we shared together. Just because someone's feelings change and the love on a relationship level is gone does NOT mean they never loved you or misunderstood their emotion. I understand you are hurt but don't start posting advice with a clouded mind or anger on other people's posts as it is not helpful. You ask anyone on this forum, who has been around and healed, they will say they do believe their ex loved them but their feelings changed. I don't blame my ex for her feelings changing, it was something she made a decision to live with.

[kctiger]

To capitalize on what Rome said, as I concur, this is life. You cannot predict it and some Hollywood director isn't sitting behind a desk writing your "love" story for you. Feelings change, like the weather, they really do. To think that by falling in love that it stays that way for ever is just extremely blind and naïve emotions clouding the way you feel. That is almost having the self pity syndrome, where everything revolves around you... heaven forbid someone NOT be in love with you for the rest of their lives, and if their feelings do change, then apparently they never did really love you. GARBAGE!

You really only have two options in life:

1. Make the most of what you have
2. Wallow in self pity, and eventually die of shame

Which one would you prefer?

[ka1]

You both miss my point I'm afraid. Focus on what I said about married couples. In 20, 30, 40 yrs do you really think the emotional feeling part we tak about so much has not changed? Of course it has. It has gone up and down. Been stronger and weaker, BUT THEY ARE STILL MARRIED. If you felt enough to get married, or say yes to getting married then you should be able to hold on to that person when the feelings wane a bit. They will, and then they will come back, especially if you realize that you are as responsible for them as anything else. Meaning when you put love into it, you get it back. But I think Lolo and many others hit that spot where things are low in the emotional side and then just leave. And make some silly excuse about not meant to be, or some other such nonsense. If you say that 1 person is not the person, and you will find someone who is, think about that statement. Do you really think that you will be on some emotional high for 30yrs when you get that"right person" NO! You have to decide to stay put. That's my point. If you loved enough to go there, that love does not just go away and will resurface stronger.

If I'm wrong then, LOLA and the rest of you ask yourself and tell me, how have people that are married stayed married for 25,30, and 40+ years

[slapshot_oi]

I used to take her out all the time anywhere she wanted to go we went. Anytime she needed me i was there for her!

Did you guys ever do what you wanted, or was she always calling the shots? I could see that as being unexciting.

You know I've never gotten this whole they just love in a different way now. It's like saying a bird is not a bird any more.

I agree. All the girls I said "I love you to" was a lie. Every time it was pure lust.

To think that by falling in love that it stays that way for ever is just extremely blind and naive emotions clouding the way you feel.

That's a pretty depressing thought man. Life doesn't have to be that way. I don't want to go through life with the thought in my brain that my future wife might fall out of love; I'd always be on the defense. I used to think like this too, and then I realized it's because I still had issues from my past relationship that I had to deal with.

[kctiger]

So you want to stay in a relationship, no matter how bad it is, because you feel the love will come back? Are you serious? Quit comparing people who are married for a long amount of time to every relationship. MOST relationships END, period. MOST people are not right for each other, period. That is the most naïve statement or post I have read in a long time.

Fact: People fall out of love! It happens. Anyone blind to that fact clearly needs to re-evaluate their stance.

[jmw0713]

I don't know if I agree or disagree with what was said in the last few posts.

When people first fall in love (new love/lust) they can't get enough of each other. They are with each other all the time. They f like rabbits and so on.

As the years (2 years or more) go by, the lust wanes. This is when the mature/real loves takes over. This is when you are there for each other. You help each other out and you care for one another. You communicate and make compromise to make things continue to work. Sex is not AS important at this stage, but still required for a healthy relationship.

Finally after many years together, I would say 10 years or more, you start to get to the attachment phase, where both people are so entrenched in each other thoughts, emotions, and lives, that if one where to leave, or god forbid die, it is a real emotional and physical shock to the other person.

Look at all of the old couples in the world, who have been together for 30,40,50 years. They still love and care for each other. Many of them refer to there partners as their lovers AND best friends. When one person looses the other, the partner still living usually follows close behind. Why? I believe that after being with someone for that long, your body actually needs that person to live. Ever hear of someone dying from a "broken heart"? It happens all the time. I'm not saying that this is the case for all couples... but it is interesting to think about.

I think to say you will always loose love for your partner after a while is false. I believe the love is always there, but it matures from new love/lust to attachment. It doesn't change, it just grows, like a baby into an adult. To say that it doesn't change is wrong. However, to say it always dies, or goes away at the drop of a hat is wrong as well.

BTW, we should take this to another thread... we kind of hijacked JT's thread here. :D