[ohsohappy]

Here's the issue. I really care about Nicholas. I can honestly see myself with him in the future. Right now though, I'm just so bored with the way things are. We're both in school and he's three hours away most of the time. We sort of talk on the phone but usually he just wants to go play videogames or hang out with his friends. My friends are usually busy. I sit at home and do nothing a lot of the time. Something just feels so off. I don't even care if I talk to him sometimes. Not only that, but I'm REALLY starting to notice other guys. There's this guy in my English class that I have a hard time taking my eyes off. But I don't want to ruin my relationship for a fling. I guess I just want some fun. Nick and I have been together for about 3 years now. He says he's happy with our relationship, but I am not. I told him. "when we see eachother, we need to do something exciting together, I want romance." I want to be pursued. I want to feel excited when I see him rather than indifferent. I just feel so bad because I DO love him so much, but I feel like the fizzy soda of a relationship just turned flat. I want the fizz back. How do we get that?

[I wish]

If you're not happy, then do things to make yourself happy. Don't continue to suck it up.

Though he may not see any problems with the relationship, but you do want to rekindle some spark and there's nothing wrong with that. Explain to him exactly what you told us and see how he responds.

You're obviously looking for something that he can't provide. Though you may love him, healthy relationship don't operate only on love, it also takes compatibility and happiness when around each other.

But if you want something, go get it, don't expect it to fall on your lap.

[ohsohappy]

I'm not sure how to approach it. I try to tell him how I'm feeling but I'm not sure he understands. I don't know where to go from here.

[I wish]

That's a massive problem if he can't understand.

I suggest you continue to try to explain, but explain it differently to help him understand. For example, ask him to re-explain what he thinks you're saying and help him along the way to understand.

Both of you need to be patient with each other. You need to be patient with him because he's having trouble understanding. But he also needs to be patient with you as you try to explain yourself.

If one of you loses patience on the other person, then you have a bigger problem. The person who loses patience is almost giving up on the relationship, in which case you need to reconsider whether the relationship for the two for you.

[ohsohappy]

The things is that he's happy. He thinks I'm just depressed but it's more than that. I feel like I'm just sort of there but not. I told him I don't feel right. He tries to make me feel better. But I think he's in denial that I'm unhappy or soemthing. Part of me just wants to take some time off from it and come back to it, but I'm not sure that would be a good idea or be worth it. And there's no way of saying that to him without hurting him.

[I wish]

He's not the one who's confused, you're the one who's confused. Time off can be a good idea. The problem is that you're the one who's suffering, so you need to find a way to make yourself feel better.

I understand that you feel that you're going to hurt him by asking for a break, but the point is, you've tried to get through to him, but he doesn't seem to think that there's anything that he can do. If he can't help you, then you need to help yourself.

If he really cared about you, he would respect your space.

[ohsohappy]

I do want to be with him, I just don't think this is the right time. I feel like I need to sort myself out. But I'm worried that if we take a break then I won't get him back. I love him so much, it's just hard for me to feel much anything else. I don't feel passion or excitement or attraction or anything. All I know is that these feelings are contradictory And I'm not sure how to tell him that.

[I wish]

Space would be good for you so that you can clear your mind so that you can approach your relationship more objectively.

If the relationship can't survive a few days or a week of break, then the relationship is already very fragile and it's going to end sooner or later.

Think about it this way, it's not healthy for anyone to drag out the current state of the relationship. The current state needs to be improved upon and you believe that take a few steps back to get a fresh perspective would do some good, then do it!

If he can't even wait for you to clear your head so that you can come back stronger for the sake of the relationship, then I don't think he really cares. If he doesn't really care about you, then this relationship is going to end sooner or later, whether you take the break or not.

[talaniman]

That spark you so desperately miss is within yourself. That's where it started before, and that's where you look to find it again. Many who are looking for that spark to come back, think its supposed to come from your partner, toward you, and are disappointed when they don't get it. That's because they look in all the wrong places.

That spark ALWAYS starts with you being happy with yourself, and your life, and what you are doing. Stop and think about it, when you are happy with yourself, you share that happiness, and right now, you have nothing to share. Heck, you don't even care to share, but see this as a challenge to start rebuilding yourself, to be happy with yourself, so you can be good to yourself, even without your partner.

He may understand you are not happy but won't know why, and you think if he acts a certain way, or do certain things that everything will be all better, and that well may work for a while, but no one can realistically give another that kind of constant attention to make them feel better, or better about themselves. That's impossible. Take responsibility for your own happiness without him, or anyone else for that matter, and I guarantee, you will find that spark again, and be able to share it.

Your boyfriends presence may do wonders for you, but you have to do things for yourself also, and it starts with being healthy, and willing to do for yourself when there is no one else.

So start there and look deep within yourself, and find that spark again, and have it all shined up and ready to go when he gets back. That's the best way out of that rut you are in. Ask me how I know!

How is it your friends are busy, and you are not?

[amicon]

Why do you sit at home and do nothing a lot of the time?
That's the pattern that I would break if I were you.

Go out with your friends,get involved with a new hobby-do things actively to make yourself feel better about who you are.

When we're bored with ourselves,we tend to be bored with the people in our lives as well.

Nobody can change that but you.

[dwidrick]

@Talaniman... love that perspective on the situation, makes perfect sense and I have never really looked at situations like these in that way.

@ohsohappy... I am currently in the opposite side of this dilemma. My girlfriend of 2 years and I are currently on a break because she is having similar problems as you seem to be having and that Talaniman has eluded to. We both can see each other in one another's future but she needs to become happy with herself and her life again to in turn make our relationship healthy again. I will say from a guys perspective that it will hurt your boyfriend to do this break but as Talaniman stated you have to be happy with yourself so that happiness can be put back into the relationship.
As much as I hate the break we are in now and how much it hurt, knowing that I could potentially get her back the way she was before, when we were happy and she was happy with herself, will make it all worth it and will make us stronger because of it.
Also what you may not realize is that a break may be the kind of kick start your partner needs to evaluate his devotion to you and may help him for the better as well.

I understand where you are coming... good luck with whatever path you decide to take.