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playerp3 · Jun 10, 2009, 02:36 PM

Ok, this is my first post ever and I have a real dilemma on my hands. Although feelings and emotions can't be explained through words I'll try my best to explain my situation and take all the answers with a grain of salt. Thank you in advance for helping my out in such a tough time.

All right I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for about 3 ½ years so far and it has been a great time. We are both 21 and also go to college together with one year left until we graduate. Her parents don’t speak fluent English so all the burden goes on her because she has to translate, do all the finances, etcetera. Currently her parents are moving to another state and she has all the pressure on her to try to sell the house, do all the contacting with agents, getting the house ready, and more. Lately since January I have been jobless and we have been taking things easy trying to stay in, cook, doing things that don’t take that much money. With her parents moving to another state she decided to stay to finish college here and we found a 2bdr apt near campus to include her, my cousin, and me that we are moving in the next month. For the past two weeks she went to a youth group for the weekend and the next week she had to drive down with her parents to prepare the new house they will be living in. She says she has been tired lately and needs time to herself. So two days ago she says that we need to take a break. She explained to me that she only wants to be with herself and doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anybody right now. After talking with her she keeps saying the same thing that she’s sorry she has to do this and knows how I’m feeling but she says it will be better for us in the long run. She said if we were meant to be then God will bring us together no matter what.
So me being a jealous guy as I am have been checking her Facebook like crazy and she basically has deleted everything about me and in her info page at the bottom it says, “I am learning to let go”. So I don’t know what's going on because I assume a lot of things and I see every statement she makes pertaining to me I have no idea what to do. We are moving in together in the same apartment with a lease of one year starting next month and I have no idea what to expect. The last time I talked to her I asked how long this would go on for and she said she doesn’t know. So being hard for me being in a relationship for this long and this happening all of a sudden is killing me. So I promised her that I will remain faithful to her and she promised the same being on this break. She continually says that she wants to be alone and doesn’t want to be with anybody right now. As far as the apartment she said she still wants me to move in but I have no idea what to do anymore.
So what should I expect relationship wise and what should I do about moving in with her in the next month?

playerp3 · Jun 10, 2009, 02:40 PM

BTW, she said also that hopefully we will both be better off with this break that we have been arguing a lot lately because we have been together most of the time. She says hopefully this will make us miss each other more. But she also says I have been boring lately so maybe that may have sparked the break as well?

talaniman · Jun 10, 2009, 02:52 PM

So what should I expect relationship wise and what should I do about moving in with her in the next month?

No way do I count on her coming back, or sharing an apartment. I would be out doing my thing and as she put it, learning to let go.

I would take a lot of convincing to even talk to her ever again.

wontgohomewou · Jun 10, 2009, 03:00 PM

She said if we were meant to be then God will bring us together no matter what.

The one line that means I don't want you anymore. My ex said the same thing, what she really meant was "I don't love you anymore".

playerp3 · Jun 19, 2009, 11:32 PM

Ok, here is an update to the whole situation.

Here's a quick gist of what's going on. We're moving in a 2bdr apt with my cousin near school for our last year of college. She has to help her parents move to Florida and she will be down there from early July to mid-August when we go back to school. So we will be one month without each other.

Ok well after about a week and a half of the break she actually called me this morning wanting to tell me something important. What she told me was that not only was the break intended to be for being a more independent person but she also wanted to be truthfully honest with me. She told me that there is this guy that she has been talking to and asked her if it was anything has gotten serious and she said no. I continued to ask serious questions about him like where does he live, what have you talked about, and etcetera. I started assuming the worst and was saying so what if I move in with you and you start fooling around with this guy? She said you know me I wouldn't do those type of things and I've been honest with you from the start, I'm not going to keep these things hidden from you. So then I stated that when she's there for the whole month I expect to go NC with her until she comes back and we'll talk about our relationship from there. She was somewhat against NC because she said what if I need to talk to you, and I kept assisting that I am not here to hold your hand, you wanted the break because you were confused about us, I know what I want you just need to find out what you want, it's either going to be me or him simple like that. We then followed up and talked about what our future may hold and we said we would talk more when she came back from Florida. I told her well the month you will be gone will either make or break this relationship.

Ok, well here's the thing, in our whole entire relationship she has done nothing wrong to "mistrust" her. She has been truthfully honest with everything she has ever done and I at least respect her for telling me this. I am her 5th relationship and I have been her only serious relationship those other guys have been with her when she was younger. I was also her first and she was mine also. So when she said she wouldn't fool around with this guy I felt like I could honestly trust her. But, when asking her why can't you promise me that nothing will happen? She tells me you I don't know what the future holds.

So, relationship wise what else should I expect from her? Even if she's been honest with me the whole time about everything?

talaniman · Jun 20, 2009, 04:47 AM

So then I stated that when she's there for the whole month I expect to go NC with her until she comes back and we'll talk about our relationship from there. She was somewhat against NC because she said what if I need to talk to you, and I kept assisting that I am not here to hold your hand,

Why are you on NC with someone your going to move in with?? That makes no sense whatsoever.

Catsmine · Jun 20, 2009, 04:48 AM

You are so history. You may not know it. SHE may not know it, but it IS over.
If you and your cousin can handle the rent, don't even put her on the lease.

She is very likely concerned about staying with her parents to continue translating, which is good of her. They might be wanting or even asking her to transfer to a school in Florida, which is family business and none of mine (very little of yours).

When you start asking/accusing her about other guys, you are giving her an excuse to do what she's heading towards on her own - getting over you.

Sorry to be cold, but I want to spare you the pain of a long breakup.

jmjoseph · Jun 20, 2009, 05:05 AM

HUGE MISTAKE of moving in with someone you just split with. Nothing can be good about it. I can see it now: " Why are you so dressed up? Are you going out? With who? Just girls?No guys? Can I go? Are you hungry? Can I fix you some dinner first? If there's no guys then why are you so dressed up?" Dude, this is not where you want to be. Move on. I'd live at the local homeless shelter before I'd live like that. Concentrate on your studies, and move on with your life. You're already snooping through her stuff, what's next? I know you don't want to believe me, but there will be other girls in your future. You don't want to look back at this pathetic episode of your life with regret. Love will take you to your highest highs, and lowest lows. Pull yourself up and move on. Good luck.

ordinaryguy · Jun 20, 2009, 05:48 AM

DO NOT move in with her.

paxe · Jun 20, 2009, 06:53 AM

Why does it seem when girls break up with their boyfriend there is always another guy around just before the breakup or right after? What happened to break up because we are not happy and we heal first before starting dating again ( a couple of month )?

Your feelings may tell you that you want to go back with her, and even your brain may tell you that. DON'T. Just don't move in together by any means necessary. What she is doing is typical, she is stringing you along and doesn't want to "lose" you as a friend. She is either using that other guy as a rebound to get over you, or she really wants to be with this other guy.

You may think because she has been truthful to you that you can trust her. Big mistake. I was there ( we're the same age ), my ex told me that there wasn't any other guy and nothing had happened, only to learn she cheated on me and she was stringing me along for 3 month. Don't do the same mistakes it is just painful, just live your life, concentrate on yourself and you'll find a much better girl who will appreciate who you are.