Who did it
IF you stepped out... forgive yourself, identify why... what did you seek... what did you find
If your spouse stepped out... forgive; Search within yourself to know if you had a hand in this, I am not stating that you were the cause, but know with certainty, that you did not lend a hand. If you are innocent, seek understanding, hear your spouse; however, do not keep the affair alive in your mind and heart by simply mulling over it. If there is something you can do, do it; otherwise, know that until your spouse awakes to the value you place in heart, nothing will change, it will continue until the person has a change of mind/heart. So if you are willing to truly forgive, forget, hang in there///
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