You are not stupid... most people think that just because the papers are signed, and you're divorce that BOOM, the love just disappears. NOT true, especially if this person is your "first love" or you have been with them for quite a while.
With my ex, he was what I considered my first love (I was wrong!) but it took me years to get over him and the hurt he caused. It is normal to grieve however you don't want to go on with your life grieving over something that is gone... what kind of life would that be?
He and the divorce obviously hurt you deep, have you considered counceling? It's a good idea, don't let this continue, its not healthy for you and you deserve to be happy and live a good life.
Best,
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