[Louistini]

Hey guys new to the site all the way from Australia. I have been reading all the topics, very informative stuff I must say. Don't won't to write an essay so I'll try and keep it simple. Basically she was my first serious g/f and first for everything else as well. Dated in high school which was your typical HS relationship (arguing about silly stuff). Anyway relationship went for about 2 and half years and she ended it just as we started university because it was to full on at that stage. So obviously tried to get her back which was like the 18000th time haha but had found someone within a week or so when we broke up. Very upset at that as you would be and to make things matters worse 3 supposedly close friends of mine at that time who I looked to; to keep me grounded dissed me for there g/f's. So the combination of all that was so intense I went on like a on and off 3 month vacation to see my family and friends who live on the other side of Australia just to get me out. Definitley worked. This was around 2003 or so; so I just did the NC gig and left it at that. Met people, went out, hooked up you know the usual guy stuff. In between then and now she has reached out wanting to talk and see how I was doing but NC from my end. And yes, there were times in between the 5 years of NC I did think of her. Majority only the positive times though.

But basically she had found me on Facebook and msged me saying 'been a long time, I know you don't ever want to talk to me, just want to see how you doing and maybe we can talk again'. Where I replied straight out 'What are your intentions of wanting to talk to me'. To which she replied 'thought u'd be over this already, want to be friends and talk and be civil, it's sad if your still caught up in the past if you are then continue to ignore me'. So I'm shocked reading this right because this wasn't an issue until the Monday just gone when she has msged me. So I replied saying 'i don't know what you are trying to do here. We haven't spoken to each other in 5 years let alone seen one another, why do you want to be friends now. How is your life going to be any better with me being your friend when we haven't even spoken in like 5 years!

?? I have no idea what is happening. Knowing her personality (well from back in high school) she is a bit of an attention seeker. Likes to have the last word in everything. Like she is expecting me to reply and say something? I was doing pretty well before Monday's message. My feelings for her are on and off I know deep down it wouldn't be the best option but on the other hand I think of what we had and now we are older I dream of what it could be like from now. Have I done something wrong in replying? Should I meet up with her and speak face to face rather than Facebook which is kind of like HS all over again. Why does she want to be friends now of all times. Any feedback would be much appreciated.

[Alty]

I would stick with NC.

This girl has no business tracking you down 5 years after you two broke up, especially since the break up wasn't on good terms. Just ignore her, continue going on with your life, you were doing fine without her, you will be fine again.

It's amazing, isn't it, that even after 5 years it's still hard to hear from you ex. NC sweetie, live it, love it, DO IT! ;)

Good Luck.

[thoughtiwastheman]

You did nothing wrong in no contact after all these years. I'm actually impressed that you did it for so long. You do have a problem though and that is you gave her the impression that you still care which made the five year no contact rule pointless. The whole point of NC is to show the other person that you have moved on and that you're not living in the past. No wonder she replied with, "thought u'd be over this already..." In a way you gave her the power right back when she lost it by contacting you. You have made her feel important. I say this only if you still think of her romantically on occasions... which I believe you still do. If you don't, I think you should have been really cordial with her. You should have used the opportunity to show her how much you had moved on, how good your life was, and exciting it had become with her not being in it. You should have embraced the opportunity and used it to let her feel left out of the things you were involved in. Of course you want to come across as laid back and not in a bragging way. Ask her about herself (perhaps even joke with her a little) and end the conversation by tell her that it was nice hearing from her but that you have to run. Hang up. If she really just wants to be friends then maybe you should consider her friendship but do so keeping in mind she is someone who crossed the line at one point or another. You never want to have enemies. If she really doesn't want to be friends but perhaps was trying to start things back up, you would know that too. If you play it smooth and show her that you are happy of the outcome and have moved on, I wouldn't be surprised if she calls back wanting to hangout, grab a cup of coffee, or something. At that point it would be up to you decide what you want to do, but either way, you are in control by not allowing her to cause you to feel any type of emotion. The most important question you want to ask yourself is this, "what is it that I want?" Only by being truthful with yourself will you completely move on. Hope this helped. P.s. as stupid as it may sound don't show ANY emotion when it comes to women. If you do so do it sparingly. It's a sign of weakness in their eyes.

[Stunning07]

I've seen a lot of people get back together for good after a good long split like yours if your hearts still in it... and your heart tells you that she's in it again... go do it! Just make sure you leave the PAST behind! Start as stranger... you guys are both grown adults now... I'd do it if I was in your position... it might create that spark you guys both had once... just make sure you don't let your emotinos take over... start slow don't go see her right away let her want too see you badly I suppose that's just me though

[Louistini]

Thanks guys for your input. thoughtiwastheman yeah long time I did the NC bit hard at times but I fought it as much as possible. Silly of me replying on Monday I reckon. I'll keep you guys posted when she replies.

[talaniman]

Let sleeping dogs lie. I think your both just curious now, as most people are at that point in time. (5 years after HS) Don't let your mind, or hers, play tricks on you.

[Jiser]

Five years, sounds like you have unfinished business. You either live with what if or don't.
I think you approached your reply in the wrong way. If you don't want her in your life tell her and leave it as that, if you do make an effort.

Sometimes as tali said, it is often best to leave it in the past.