Check out some similar questions!

sarrina · Sep 24, 2009, 05:37 AM

I have a 18 year old teenage step daughter who lives with my partner and I. She left college this year and has had a car insurance mot and tax paid for. She has had 2 jobs of which she has left due to falling out with people there.She falls out with everyone.holds grudges lies about everythin and anything she pays no board but refuses to do any house work saying she has been busy.. if busy is lying in bed till lunch time then OK.she refuses to follow house rules which are be in forr 11pm in week and what ever time at weekend.she constantly tells lies to people anf grandma and her dad about what ever . She has no repect for me or her father.Help

Cedarln2265 · Sep 24, 2009, 06:53 AM

There seems to be one in every family that drives us to distraction. What I came to find out was that that person had issues that evolved into rebellion against everyone and everything. That's best case when they aren't mature the worst is getting involved with drinking and drugs. Sorting out the two sometimes is difficult
Is there anyway you can get her directed into a self help program? Are there any parent groups that you can join that deal with parents of "legal" age teens living at home?
Good luck

sarrina · Sep 25, 2009, 06:08 AM

We have sat down with her and explained that her actions are hurting a lot of people and she just says there nothing wrong with what she doing sher can do what she likes she is 18 we even offered to arrange for her to see a counselor again she just says that it is us lot that make her that way and we have asked why she feels this and she just says because I'm 18 and I can do what I like. She sees that she does no wrong and we can't physically drag her to counseling but it is breaking down my an my partners relationship because he still gives her money and things and doesn't see that she has to earn this.. am I in the wrong for saying don't buy or give her money if she can't show the tinyest bit of respect in the house and can't hold down a job because she gains enemies easily

Cedarln2265 · Sep 25, 2009, 08:01 AM

What is his reason for giving her money and things. That enables her to be irresponsible and at her age, she needs encouragement to be responsible in that is she always going to depend on someone else to support her.
Is there someone else a Family support group that you can contact in your area? Having someone help you is just as important because we tend to get to close to the situation and as frustrated as the others :) mothers want their children to succeed and meet societal standards. The children tend to do this at their own pace and we may want them to speed it up:) When they speed up and then stop and then go slowly it does become frustrating trying to figure out what they are doing good luck

artlady · Sep 25, 2009, 08:18 AM

You and your partner have to be on the same page if you are going to affect any change.

He can not enable and reward her nasty behavior by overlooking it and giving in to her whims.

She has no reason to change,she is spoiled and as long as she does not have to suffer any consequence's for her behavior it will continue.

Discuss a plan with your partner that he can stick to and do not waver from that plan.

She may be an adult by law but the bottom line is ,your house,your rules.

If she doesn't like it,serve her with a proper legal eviction.

Father should be made aware that he is doing her a grave injustice by allowing her behavior to go unchecked.

That is not how it is in the real world and he is not preparing her for an independent life if he continues.

It is the lazy way out to give in to her and its all to avoid conflict.Sometimes you need a little conflict to resolve conflict.

Dad needs to step up to the plate and show some backbone.

Cedarln2265 · Sep 25, 2009, 10:38 AM

Well said ArtLady. I didn't get to the part about how her partner is underming her but you said it sooo well

stabora812 · Jan 13, 2011, 11:19 AM

I have a 15 year old stepdaughter that has been living with us since August, 2010. She is driving me insane as she constantly lies about her grades in school, absentisms, etc... constantly argues with our 13 year old daughter and teases her while no one is looking and turns around and says she has done nothing. (I have caught her a couple of times on this) This child was born out of wedlock. I have been married to her dad 25 years and someway along he messed up bringing her into the world. I wanted to be supportive of my husband because he is an overall good husband but this situation with his daughter is just getting out of control and I sometimes feel I want out of the relationship. This child was born outside the US but my husband has provided for her ever since she was born. He feels that the owes her because he has not physically been there for her the past 15 years and does not implement any type of disciple on her. He wants me to do the disciplining instead of him. Help please.

jenniepepsi · Jan 13, 2011, 10:53 PM

I agree with artlady. If the girl wants to throw the 'adult' card around, then TREAT her like an adult. If she ever makes it in the real world there are rules for apartments and homes as well. And if she won't follow them, she will be evicted. Sit down with your partner and discuss this. The girl needs to start learning how to be an adult.