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Jwr5885 · Jan 9, 2013, 10:23 PM

So I can't ask a question without giving some back story and I need advice.

So my girlfriend and I were together for 3 years and then some and we were living together for 2 1/2. Things didn't pan out the way we wanted and she broke up with me. So about a year goes by and we kept in touch, saw other people and hung out a few times because I loved her I was never serious about any of the girls I was seeing because I wanted her. So she leaves the guy she was seeing saying that she never cared about him and whatever to get back with me. So I give it another try and we get back together and I'm so happy. Also we talked about when her lease is up a year from now and talked about her moving in and she wanted to.

About 8 months goes by and I notice that she isn't as affectionate as she used to be when we were first together and I've talked about this with her as we have a very good communication in our relationship and she just said she's sorry and she'll work on it. So we were hanging out last night and we were talking about getting married and our other friends relationships and their problems. And the next day we wake up and she says to me that she isn't happy and that she needs time away from our relationship to figure out why. She says ever since we broke up the first time she felt numb and that it has nothing to do with me and she still loves me. But when I ask her if we're going to get back together she says hopefully.

I don't know how to take that and I tried to say that maybe we could go to counseling and she says that it's not us it's her. That she wants time away to figure out why she can't be happy. So my question is what do I do or how do I take that? I love her very much an she claims that there is no one else and that she loves me and that she doesn't want to see other people. So what should I do being as though I care about her more then anything?

Sorry for the long post.

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Marmar09 · Jan 9, 2013, 11:03 PM

Hmmm. It sounds to me like she is just falling out of love. Like the spark just isn't there for her anymore. My advice would be to take a few steps back and give her space. Maybe the both of you should go your separate ways for a while. Not concentrating on finding someone else. But concentrating on yourselves.

Oliver2011 · Jan 11, 2013, 04:58 AM

Going backwards to a relationship is always more difficult than starting a new one. Well maybe not always but it is what I have experienced.

From what you have wrote, it seems you have done almost everything you needed to do. Unfortunately you cannot force her to counseling. You also don't control her emotions, thoughts, or actions. If she wants a break, you are going to have to accept that. Be honest with yourself in that it will be painful. But also realize you have survived it before.

Some people are truly afraid to commit. I was one of those people for a long time. But just continue to be there for her until the time she makes a decision or you choose to move your life forward.

Jiser · Jan 11, 2013, 11:11 AM

See the cold, hard reality as it is. She is no longer attracted to you. She no longer wants to work together to sort the relationship out with you as it should be done in a healthy relationship.

Block her from your life, give her what she wants and start to move on. I would busy your diary with friends, old friends, hobbies and new things. Maybe even plan a trip away to look forward to. Get down the gym and workout!

It will take a while but your feelings will fade. DO NOT!! Waste another year of your life pining and keeping in contact with someone who doesn't know what they want.

joypulv · Jan 11, 2013, 11:22 AM

I'll take one specific part of this: living together can really put a damper on any relationship. It's amazing how many little petty things can add up to 'I love him (or her) but can't stand how he is around the house.' Some of it is obvious, like neatness and cleanliness, or video games alone vs TV together, while other things are subtle, like hours you prefer to sleep. Sit down with 2 pads of paper and each write down what bothers you in your daily sharing, right down to the littlest thing. Then talk about that. You could even draw a line across the middle of the paper and have the second half be little things that have to do with emotions, touching, and time to talk about life and your future,

talaniman · Jan 11, 2013, 02:09 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ml#post2806325

Seems I have given you this advice before, so consider that this is twice now you have gone through this. Time to move on... AGAIN.

Jwr5885 · Jan 12, 2013, 12:35 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ml#post2806325

Seems I have given you this advice before, so consider that this is twice now you have gone thru this. Time to move on..........................AGAIN.

Yes you have and I appreciate the advice but as you can probably only imagine the way I feel for her. You've given me advice on several occasions now. I do appreciate it and I think I may have a problem that I have a wall around my heart and when someone gets in its so hard for me to say no or not try again with them. Maybe that's what I should work on. But I don't know deep down I still hope it all works out and we can be together.

talaniman · Jan 12, 2013, 08:21 AM

but as you can probably only imagine the way I feel for her.

Been in your position more than once "back in the day" and know how those feelings make you think and act. In time you, as we all do, will learn better control of those feelings, and allow facts as well as feelings to lead you to making good decisions for yourself.

It will get better.