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bellajessica · Oct 19, 2009, 02:40 PM

This is the first time ever to use this site. My friend told me about this site and said that the people in here really helped answer her questions.

I am a 32 year old woman and has been with my husband for eight years now. He was my first and only and we are very much in love. The only problem is that I can reach orgasm through intercourse. In the 8 years that we have been together I have had 4 maybe 5 orgasms through intercourse. I don't have a problem having orgasms from oral. We have tried everything from roleplaying to lots of 4-play to other things that I am not sure if I can say them on here. We make love about 4 times a week, and when we do it's great! I love sex! I just can't reach orgasm. I thought that it was stressed related, but I really have nothing to be stressed out about. We are in pretty good shape, we don't drink or smoke so it's not that. I am very attracted to my husband, so it's not that. I have sat up at nights and thought about what it could be and ruled out things that it's not.

My husband feels very discouraged, and there are sometimes that after making love he will turn to his side where his back is facing me and start to cry. He has even mentioned to me before that he feels as if I will grow tired of him and leave him for someone else who will please me. NOW that would never happen! I love him very much.

I just want to know are there any people out there who have had this issue? Any advice would help on this situation. Thank you again for helping out. Jessica

Synnen · Oct 19, 2009, 03:12 PM

MOST women cannot orgasm from intercourse. Period.

Ask your husband if he'd be able to orgasm with NO other stimulation than you fondling his balls. Betcha he couldn't.

The nerve endings just are not there. No matter how much he WANTS to orgasm from you fondling his balls, no matter how good it actually feels, it's just not going to cause a mind blowing orgasm.

Same with women and intercourse. Your clitoris is the equivalent to his penis.

Have you tried stimulating yourself during orgasm? What about having him stimulate your clitoris during orgasm? It has NOTHING to do with how attracted you are to him, or whether you're relaxed or stressed. It has EVERYTHING to do with the fact that for most women, our bodies are just not built that way.

That being said--you and your husband BOTH need to read up on this, and get educated. Go TOGETHER and talk to your gynecologist. Get books. Heck, see a sex therapist.

bellajessica · Oct 19, 2009, 05:35 PM

Synnen,

Thank you for your response. To answer your two questions, yes he and myself have tried to stimmulate myself during intercourse. I guess I'm confused in a sense, because I have had orgasms before through intercourse. I could see if I have never ever had an orgasm that way before. The fact that I have, I know I am capable of doing so. After I posted, I read up on some other women's posts who have had a similar situation like myself and began to think that maybe it is what it is... Well thanks again for your advice.. Jessica

Gemini54 · Oct 19, 2009, 09:13 PM

I agree with Synnen, you need to educate yourself on this. MANY women don't reach orgasm just through intercourse. More often it's a combination of things.

You may have orgasmed through intercourse before, but it's often variable and related to the 'fit', the rythmn, whatever. May I suggest stimulating yourself with a vibrator while you're having intercourse. (Works every time for me!)

What does concern me though, is that your husband is taking this whole thing so personally. You both enjoy sex, you do it frequently and it seems to satisfy you both. Why has having an orgasm during intercourse become the benchmark of his sexual success?

I'm worried that you're creating problems where there are none by having potentially unrealistic expectations. Sex is many things and it's different each time depending on mood, environment, desire, tiredness, etc, etc. As you well kmow, it's also different with different people.

You are both blessed to enjoy your sexual relationship and to be orgasmic. Don't judge the whole by the one thing you think doesn't work for you.

Enigma1999 · Oct 19, 2009, 09:18 PM

Hello Bella,

Lots of women are going through the same thing that you are. You are not alone. Its sounds like you have a healthy sex life! That's a good thing. With all do respect, four times a week? Lucky guy! Haha Anyway, I would talk to your Doctor about it to figure out what's going on. Don't believe when people say that women can't orgasm through intercourse, Period. Untrue. All women can! You just need to figure out what else you need to do, certain positions, leangth of time, more stimulation, and so on and so forth. I wish you luck.

sandalwood7 · Oct 19, 2009, 10:51 PM

You are not alone... You are doing better than some of us! At least you can orgasm from oral... The goal is pleasure, whatever way you find it. It should not matter that you can't orgasma certain way... who knows, maybe with time you will. You actually have something to look forward to in a way. The worst thing to do is to worry about it.That will definitely stop you orgasming. The more you worry, the furthur away orgasm seems. Relax and try new positionsetc and see what happens.Dont have expectations and you might be pleasantly surprised one day

h_leann_b · Oct 20, 2009, 06:52 AM

I can only orgasm during sex if I am on top. And even then, it's not all the time. But sex is not just about orgasm; especially for a woman. It's about being close to your partner. If you have tried all sexual positions, you could consider toys. But I think the poster above is correct when he said you have a healthy sex life. You do! No reason to doubt it if you are happy in the relationship. I know women who have never orgasmed during sex. Its not unusual.

Enigma1999 · Oct 20, 2009, 09:04 AM

Hello Bella,

I found this website on facts for what you are looking for. Here are just a few quotes from the website, not me. Tiscali.com -

(Quote)

Our research shows that most younger women do not manage to climax until some considerable time after they have started sexual activity. Moreover, when they do 'come' for the very first time, they do so in a variety of ways.

47 per cent climaxed for the first time through masturbation
32 per cent through sexual intercourse
20 per cent through petting
1 per cent while sleeping.
A lot of women write to us complaining that they can't reach simultaneous orgasm with their partners.

(Quote)
But in fact, simultaneous orgasm is quite uncommon. Surveys done by the Medical Information Service and others have found that most women rarely climax at exactly the same time as their partners.

However, it is certainly nice when this happens. And it can be achieved, if the man has good control of his own orgasm, and if he is skilled at using his fingers during intercourse to bring the woman to a climax just at the same moment as he comes.

I do believe that you and your husband need to educate yourselves and go to a doctor. (If this is really a concern) because it sounds as if you have a great sex life. I do believe that it hard for women to reach orgasm through intercourse, BUT, it is not impossibale! I respect everyone in here and not trying to offend. I hope that the info I gave you Bella will help you out. But when you get a chance, look up that site I gave you.

bellajessica · Oct 20, 2009, 09:12 AM

Thank you so much Enigma for the information! Thanks to everyone else's input.:) I don't really agree with Syneens response to men being able to orgasm with touching their balls, and I don't think that's what Enigma was emplying. All in all, I thank everyone for the helpful info. I have orgasmed duriing intercourse, so I know I can again. I will just have to work on it.

Much Love:)

Synnen · Oct 20, 2009, 09:33 AM

My point (which everyone seems to have missed) is that the nerve endings in the scrotum are completely different than the nerve endings in the penis.

COMPLETELY.

While some men may be able to orgasm from only having their balls stroked, I'm betting most can't.

Same for women. While SOME women may be able to orgasm from ONLY intercourse, MOST cannot. The nerve endings simply are not there. You can't stimulate someone to orgasm by stroking their knees, either. At least not MOST people.

Cat1864 · Oct 20, 2009, 12:49 PM

Enigma, your first post sounds like someone who has read too much literature based on trying to convince women that not having an orgasm is unnatural as though every woman is built the same way and has the same needs. Your advice to go to a doctor implies that it is a physical problem that a doctor can prescribe something to fix it.

Don't believe when people say that women can't orgasm through intercourse, Period.

That isn't what Synnen said. As she repeated, MOST women cannot climax from Vaginal Stimulation alone. That is what "orgasming from intercourse" means. Actually, for some women, too much stimulation of the walls can have a reverse affect of pressing the wrong nerves such as stimulating a need to urinate or feel like there is bruising.

Untrue. All women can! You just need to figure out what else you need to do, certain positions, leangth of time, more stimulation, and so on and so forth

It might surprise you to know that there are women who can't orgasm period, whether there is mental block or physical one. In some cases both. If by more stimulation you are referring to Clitoral stimulation, then you are no longer discussing Vaginally induced orgasms. You are into Clitoral induced orgasms which is back to what Synnen said in her first post.

Jessica, something that I think you and your husband need to think about is that how you 'fit' together is unique to you as a couple. What you achieved with past lovers and the way you got there might not work with your husband. You both need to lower your expectations for you to climax from vaginal stimulation alone. It seems to be damaging both of your self-esteem and taking away from the pleasure that you should be feeling after intercourse. That doesn't mean to give up. Just give yourselves a chance without all the pressure of having a goal in mind.

Remember that as we age, our bodies change (just a few ways: weight loss/gain, hormonal, exercise or lack of it) and so does the way that they need to be stimulated. You haven't said, do you have children? Pregnancy can move things around and change how easily they can be stimulated.

Enigma1999 · Oct 20, 2009, 01:12 PM

Hello Jessica,

I agree with Cat in that aspect! So let me clarify to you, Jessica, I meant go to your Gynecologist. I was not implying that there is something wrong with you physically. So my apologies for that. I do also agree that there has to be more stimulation. That's why it's good to do more research and to get educated. ALSO, every woman is different, so if I have implied that every woman is the same, then my apologies, that was not my intention. I will make sure to use better verbage next time. Good luck.

bellajessica · Oct 21, 2009, 01:18 AM

OMG, Guys, so I wanted to give you an update! Tonight my husband and I made love and I was able to reach orgasm through intercourse. Yay! Hell it took us like over an hour to get there, but it was well worth it! Yay! I know I sound like a child at Christmas, but this is so exciting for me. Thank you all for you help and support.:) If I have other questions, I will know to come here and ask them. Yay! Hahaehhe:) Jessica

NataliaVM · Oct 23, 2009, 02:11 PM

I totally agree with the above comments on the following points:
1- that most women do not reach orgasm through intercourse alone
2-this is because most women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm
3- it does sound like you and your husband have a very healthy sex life (4xs per week and you can both climax)
4-using a vibrator during sex can be a convenient way to stimulate the clitoris during (yes during) penetration. Trying to stimulate yourself or have your partner stimulate your clitoris during intercourse can be a little bit awkward in terms of reaching the right area. They make some great <a href="http://www.adultsextoys.com/">sex toys</a> -like strap on clitoral vibrators that can be worn during sex.
Dr. Berman (a PhD with a lot to say on the matter) who has been featured on Oprah has her own line of <a href="http://www.adultsextoys.com/">sex toys</a> that may be worth checking out. You could also try a vibrating cock ring that your partner can wear during sex and which will stimulate both the clitoris and your partners shaft- though not everyone cares for these. A good old fashioned mini vibrator that you can use on your like the pocket rocket or -if using while not in the sex act itself a powerful vibe like the hitachi magic wand is pretty much a sure thing for a lot of women.
I say have fun- experiment and rest assured that it is verrry common for most women to not achieve orgasm through sex alone. Just like climaxing at the same time as your partner does- it CAN happen but doesn't tend to very often.