Do I ask her out?

im my own enemy · Nov 3, 2006, 12:46 AM

One of my best friends Josh dated this girl Jess for a while. They kept getting into arguments and finally broke up. It was a nasty break up. About 6 months later she gets a class with me. I’ve known her for a long time but never really talked at all, especially after Josh and her broke up. We get to talking, and start hanging out. I start thinking about her more and more. Another week goes by and now I’m just crazy about her. I look forward to seeing her every day. Then, one of her friends tips me off that she likes me. That was about two weeks ago. I’ve been too afraid to say anything to her since. We still talk and hang out, but we haven’t talked about anything further. I’ve been too afraid to say anything to her because I’m worried that because she is my best friends ex that something bad will happen. I’m also afraid that if I don’t say anything soon that Jess will lose interest in me. I can’t just avoid it forever. Do I ask her out?

helixfire · Nov 3, 2006, 12:50 AM

Oooh. I haven't had that happen. This might sound weird -but the first thing that comes to my mind is how your best friend is going to feel about it. If that's what's stopping you in the first place, maybe you should find out how he'd feel about it?

imation · Nov 3, 2006, 12:53 AM

OK, if your really worried about what josh will think, then ask him about it first. If its all cool with him, I say go for it. Ask her... you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain
Goodluck

Krs · Nov 3, 2006, 02:00 AM

Your best bet is to speak to your best friend about it. He may respect your honesty for it.

talaniman · Nov 3, 2006, 05:51 AM

All good advice, talk to your best friend.

mike_jones · Nov 3, 2006, 08:23 AM

Honestly... u r the only person who knows what to do... I think it's the matter of principle...
I think you can't really get joy by giving someone else tears... u shouldn't make new relationships by breaking old ones... think about it

chuff · Nov 3, 2006, 10:47 AM

I guess I kind of disagree with everybody because I think that crosses friendship boundary that should not be crossed.

Depressed in MO · Nov 3, 2006, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by chuff

I guess I kind of disagree with everybody because I think that crosses friendship boundry that should not be crossed.

Yes, but that is why everyone is telling him to talk to his friend and find out how he feels about it first. I think that is very good advice.

chuff · Nov 3, 2006, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by Depressed in MO

Yes, but that is why everyone is telling him to talk to his friend and find out how he feels about it first. I think that is very good advice.

Yep I got what everybody was saying. And I'm saying that I don't think that conversation should ever take place. That crosses a line in the friendship and no matter what his friend says that friendship is going to change forever if not end right there.

Depressed in MO · Nov 3, 2006, 11:27 AM

Originally Posted by chuff

Yep I got what everybody was saying. And I'm saying that I don't think that conversation should ever take place. That crosses a line in the friendship and no matter what his friend says that friendship is going to change forever if not end right there.

I hear you, but what if his friend really doesn't mind ,but he never talks to him because he thinks the same way as you have presented above, and then he will never know what he could have with this girl?

I understand what you are saying though. And I agree with that too. But a lot of people miss out on a lot of things in life because they are afraid to take those chances.

chuff · Nov 3, 2006, 11:35 AM

Originally Posted by Depressed in MO

I hear you, but what if his friend really doesn't mind ,but he never talks to him becuase he thinks the same way as you have presented above, and then he will never know what he could have with this girl?

I understand what you are saying though. And I agree with that too. But alot of people miss out on a lot of things in life because they are afraid to take those chances.

I agree that he could be missing out but what happens if he says something to his friend, loses his friend then goes for the girl and that doesn't work out. Then he's lost the girl and the friend. I don't think a friend is worth a crush.

You know how everybody says you shouldn't get involved with people at work. It's good advice but you never think about it when you just starting and the feelings are new. When it's over your realize why everybody says that. I realize this is a totally different situation but I'm using the same theory. The feelings are new and fresh now but what happens when they wear off. If he follows through this is going to change everything.

Depressed in MO · Nov 3, 2006, 11:37 AM

Originally Posted by chuff

I agree that he could be missing out but what happens if he says something to his friend, loses his friend then goes for the girl and that doesn't work out. Then he's lost the girl and the friend. I don't think a friend is worth a crush.

You know how everybody says you shouldn't get involved with people at work. It's good advice but you never think about it when you just starting out and the feelings are new. When it's over your realize why everybody says that. I realize this is a totally different situation but I'm using the same theory. The feelings are new and fresh now but what happens when they wear off. If he follows through this is going to change everything.

You know, I think you are right. I didn't see it at first, but after hearing your theory-I see where you are coming from.

chuff · Nov 3, 2006, 12:02 PM

I'm just trying to think long term and not in the moment. In the moment this all seems great with the girl but doesn't it always when feelings are fresh, new, and exciting. I'm 29 years old and I've had some friends for 10 years. I have one friend that goes back to 8th grade. I've never had a girlfriend that lasted more than 2 1/2 years. Girls have come and gone but my friends never left.

s_cianci · Nov 3, 2006, 03:27 PM

I wouldn't worry about "asking her out" per se. Keep hanging out and enjoying each others' company. Let things develop over time. Also don't center your life completely around her. Live your own life as well. If you do all of these things then it's not likely that she'll lose interest. If she does then there never really was any to begin with.

talaniman · Nov 3, 2006, 03:58 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

I'm just trying to think long term and not in the moment. In the moment this all seems great with the girl but doesn't it always when feelings are fresh, new, and exciting. I'm 29 years old and I've had some friends for 10 years. I have one friend that goes back to 8th grade. I've never had a girlfriend that lasted more than 2 1/2 years. Girls have come and gone but my friends never left.

Great point, chuff, absolutely true. You have put the facts of life in a true perspective. Hope you don't mind if I use this.