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Hey Folks,

I have been dealing with a muscle injury, and possibly and injury cause by a chiropractor.

This has been going on for over a year and am still struggling. While I have gotten...

A lot OF HEALING... it doesn't feel like I'm better off, and still blame myself. Im so lost on perspective!! Bleach. Feel horrible about myself.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/conclusion-381690.html

Please read this.

Oh dude, I KNOW EXACTLY what you mean.. I eve bought a house, etc... Exactly the same, and this was AFTER we broked up once. Its been about a month since she left.

No its not dumb to have loved...

I wanted to share with people my story, hopefully it would give people some parallels to their and hopefully I can get some perspective from other men.
...

Yeah, that's what I am hoping that some one, a professional can help or guide us to a solution, and if not at least well be on good terms, and not bitter and angry etc... I want this to be good...

She when to counseling for 3-4 sessions then quit... I guess she wasn't doing it for herself.

In a last ditch effort we are going together to counseling..
I had suggested that there are other...

Whaaaaaat?

4years man.

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Hey Tal,

Please don't assume so much, I appreciate your input. But I have researched, I have even talked to people that have the condition. I have offered to go to counseling, got books, problem...

NO I don't think she is struggling with that, maybe.

So yeah when she found out she had this condition, she when to the doc (I offered to go) and was give some things, creams etc. but she never...

I mean no she has not been...

Apparently cause of the vulvadynia she hates sex and has come to have a whole lot of psychological blocks too.

no... that would seem to make the most sense.

:)

That is a funny funny funny quote by the way... love it.

I do love (and care) that is something that is keeping me here. I keep thinking that it'll change, It will get better, when she realizes...

I likened the situation as a cut on your body that doesn't heal.
While the rest of you body might be OK, the fact that you have a serious cut on your arm that is not healing kind of starts to affect...

Yeah when sex or affection is not an issue.

Mm, honestly it doesn't feel like it... I asked her one day, "what is is that we share?" IM not sure anymore what the or if there are positives left. It...

I feel really bad for her too, and feel like I'm not going to be like "oh well, you dont like sex, well fine, im outta here."
I have asked her, what do you want me to do, what can I do.
I have...

That's what I feel like, something's got to give, and I do not want to feel like or become a bad person.

I know I am not perfect by any means, I try to be fair and do the right always.

That's...

Lol yea.
I'm just going to drop the whole freaggin thing. Im not even going to ask for intimacy... what's they point, if someone hates it with you.

Why make people do things they do not want to...

I did, and her response was "EWWW. NO!"

You. Its tough .
You believe in things, you love things and then you wonder why.

So it is normal then to as for oral?

Tl,

That's what I am thinking.. there is always another hoop to jump through. And its getting worse... I feel like I change, but then its always something else, shave, then enter this way, now...

Im wondering the same thing..
1) It certaily feels like it. When I asked her how come this was not an issue when we were dating she said that it was the only way she could get close to me.
2)Well...

Thank a lot folks for the responses. I am not sure what to do anymore.

I found tons of books forums etc but nope, don't want to go there.

Its not like I do not get sex, It usually works like...

I love her a lot, and that's the part the hurts... that you do and try so hard.

I am always cranky, and upset.

On the one hand you thnk to yourself, do I really want to live like this for the...

There are weeks where I'm okay, and then there are weeks that it just really bugs the heck out of me..

I feel like there is always a hurdle to cross, and ones that are not there because this is...

No not married, but we live together.. idea was to move towards that.

Yeah I am not sure that sex is a deal breaker..

But what might be is that fact that we don't kiss, can not touch, can't do anything. In 4 years, on my birthday, I ask for oral... "ewww NO!.""
...

Well apparently with all her partners, but no one has stuck around as long as I have. So now all the issues are popping up...

I am 32 she is 28.
NO first timers here.

Basically we couldn't be on more opposites scales of the relationship. When we were dating this things were not an issue. Later on everything became an...

I have to ask permission.

Lol.. thanks for the response.
She won't even get on top during sex.. (she gets upset if I ask her.)

I am not allowed to kiss, or touch let alone give oral.

I have to hurry and "get it over...

SO I am in this relationship now for about 4years.

Is is fair, rude, out of line to ask your girlfriend for oral sex?

YOu guys are totally right, when I mean not giving in, i.e. not giving up or running away like all her x's did. I made a decision that I wanted to be with her cause there are a lot of great things...

Thanks that helps.

YOu know I'm forcing my girfriend for "us" to deal with this and try to find something that is comfortable, whatever that may mean..

Is that wrong?

Thanks...

Her doc presrcibed a numbing agent but that only numbs the situaation and barely works... I am trying to find a solution that she doesn't have to "dread" having sex, its gotten to a...

My girlfriend has vuvlodynia.. (just found out) which was the cause of our sexual relationships been very very strained. SHe would dread sex because of the pain.

Does anyone have any information...

Yeah I know that for sure as we have talked about it. She doesn't feel anything, it hurts a lot etc.

I have been dealing with this for a while and I made it clear to her that I was not going to...

I know exactly what you are going through cause I am in the same boat, if not a little worse. I understand how you want it to be more than just sex and not you doing your thing and so on.

For me...

Well she went to see a doctor and apparently she is super sensitive and it make it hurt to the touch.
2) In her past sex has always been and issue with all her boyfriends so she has a problem with...

I really appreciate all your time and effort with this.

Here is my idea.
Sex is basically the only issue we have to be honest, as big as it is and as much as its effecting us in other ways. And...

That's what she said too one time, no lets have sex then cause I don't want you to go somewhere else then.

I think that's the point as far as she is concerned. There is nothing to "change." She sees it as a problem that is not solvable so why mess with it.

The problem is when I refuse to have sex...

I hear you... its tough.

I really love her so my idea is try to find a solution that she is happy and I am happy.

I mean I do empathize with her and what she is dealing with..

And that's the thing, she doesn't like foreplay, doesn't like to touch herself, it's a non issue to her. We don't have kids. I try to be romantic, you know, cook a nice dinner, clean and so on so she...

Thanks for the response... everyone.

I understand what you are saying. We have talked about it sooo many times.
Honestly even when I don't put "pressure" on her to have sex its still lingers....

Haha...

That's funny. I will ask.

Yeah its so weird. I feel like there is something wrong with me for wanting sex. Like I fieel guilty.

We've been together for a while and have planned kids marriage and all, we live together and its great. Her family is great so there really not issues there.

This has always kind of been an...

Well three years.. I love her dearly but I'm really frustrated.

We talked a lot about this and she does have issues. Like its really sensitive down there which I do understand. I know she has...

Thanks for the response...

That's the thing she doesn't even like to have it. Its one of those things where I don't even ask or try... until she is ready and that means, k here you go, hurry.
...