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How did I lie to my wife? Just to be clear, my girlfriend is the one who gave me herpes.

Yes. We talked about treatment options. Statistics per year of transmitting it with various...

I think there might be some miscommunication.

When I told the girlfriend. I told her, we both have herpes, the dating scene is hard, I enjoy your company, if you enjoy my company, then we can...

?? I haven't lied to anyone. I started dating in good faith when my wife and I agreed to divorce. Three months after that decision I met my girlfriend. My wife comes back into the picture and changes...

Another update. Another month later, another level deeper into hell I go.

The wife and I had agreed to do 'date like things'. We went out to dinner a few times, went shopping together and she came...

Sexsomnia is not a factor.

I mentioned sexsomnia to my sleep doctor, but it was nothing more than a curiosity. It doesn't really bother the wife. It only bothered her once when we didn't have sex...

Threads merged

I posted before. My wife and I had been separated for about 6 months. She lives an hour away at her parents house, and commutes to her work which is 5 minutes away from where I...

I suffer from sexsomnia which is a form of parasomnia. Usually Monster energy drinks 6-8 hours before bed are the catalyst. It occurs 1-2 hours into sleep.

I'll grope breasts/crotch, kiss and even...

Well. Decided to check on this 6 weeks later.

Still separated. She's holding off on the divorce until I get another job so that I can carry over my health insurance, but we're still going through...

I agree, there was, and still is a disconnect. You're right, the letter itself wasn't crap.

I wanted to hear more in her letter on why 'this will never work'. Since it felt to me that these were...

Here's the letter. I called her afterwards for about 10 minutes. Saying that we didn't learn to effectively communicate so that we could provide each others needs. She still thinks it's unreasonable...

Welp.

Didn't contact the wife at all today. She contacted me over IM, and then called me on the phone. Said she doesn't want to go to therapy tomorrow, and wants a divorce and is writing up some...

Need to get into that mindset. I remember the quote from a friend, in a buddha voice, "Life is a journey, not a destination (Or race?), enjoy the journey"

Me and the wife had even mentioned a...

LOL. Yes I am an engineer! That cracked me up.

Go away for the weekend with her or by myself?

I think my mindset needs to be "Small talk, happy talk" until we can figure out constructive...

Roger roger. Spoke with my best friend, and he agreed, I need to develop social skills so I can work on talking about other stuff.

Sent the wife the list on last Thursday and went over it. She...

Use SUGAR FREE gum. Like Extra Wintergreen. Sugary gum promotes the bad breath. Brush the tongue too. Mine gets coated with food/sugary stuff whatever, and you can actually scrape a film off your...

Hung out at her house for about 8 hours. Went to dinner and shopping at Walmart to pick up things for her to live. Also helped organize her bedroom and move her new bed.

Spent a majority of the...

Thank you for your replies. If I seem daft, I'm having some difficulty fully comprehending the metaphors, and some of the answers seem ambiguous.

I know that we need to find our own happiness. I...

So the list is a bad idea for tomorrow? Trying to come up with a game plan. I haven't visited her parents house since she left 6 weeks ago.

Slow down and learn to listen to her? The only thing...

I got a very vague commitment from her. To 'work on the marriage'. But there's nothing concrete, and nothing besides 'go to therapist once a week'.

I was expecting her to be at work today, so I...

Argh.

This separation thing is driving me nuts. Okay she's committed to saving the marriage.

What now? What is the end game? What's the point of the separation?

We've had time to reflect....

Well. We had a 2 1/2 hour phone call today before therapy. I was making lots of demands, and didn't want to take any crap. I grew balls.

Now she says she wants to commit to working on the...

Read that 'a shrink for men' link.

Reminds me of the pyscho girlfriend video.

Not sure if it'll help your relationship, but maybe it will lift your spirits.

YouTube - Psycho Girlfriend: Ep...

So.

Day one after putting my foot down and showing self respect, my wife visited and we had sex.

I told her, I can't respect myself being the puppy dog. I feel pathetic that I can't have my...

Uhm. No sex for 2 months. Wife lives at her parents now.

Last night and today, I had enough. I told her I'm not going to be her puppy anymore. I manned up, set boundaries and expectations and now...

I'm sorry for your pain. I'm going through something similar.

Best advice I have is to grow some balls and build some self respect. (Best thing I can do in my situation too). It's tough, and it's...

Wife came over today. She had said it was okay for me to see other women/have female friends.

I had briefly trolled the singles ads, and connected with an old female friend. At first I was...

Grass always seems greener on the other side.

I think we tend to remember the best things about a person (I think fondly of all my ex's even if they were terrible for me)

People want what they...

Las Vegas. It solves everything.

I don't need my parents permission to get married. My wife's family didn't appreciate the eloping, but they were supportive afterwards.

If I was afraid of doing...

Gah. I'm so frustrated.

I see it as, y'know, we can sit down, talk, straighten things out and figure out what we want to do.

She questions my commitment to self improvement, and how this is...

I'm an engineer, she answers phones. She's certainly not dumb, but I know that I make her feel stupid. (I'm working on it). I need to agree and validate her opinions more instead of waxing...

On another note, my wife thinks I hate kids, because I complain about crying babies on planes, or when someone lets their kid loose in a store and it punches me in the leg.

I AM afraid of being...

Threads merged

A big issue in my counseling with my wife, aside from my lack of empathy (I'm getting good at giving it) is that she very much wants kids.

When asked, I would tell her that I...

Good question. Do you try to start over just dating, like you've never met the person before, or try to go back to normalicy, or something in between?

Wish I knew, I'm going through the same...

I think guy affairs and women affairs are different.

Guys just want the sex, and can walk away out of guilt.

Women want the sex and an emotional connection, and can't walk away as easy.

I've...

Ooh! I know this one.

"Emotional Affair"

Husband is not happy with something or doesn't feel like he can communicate with you. I've been there, my wife's been there. It usually progresses to...

Thanks for the book recommendation. I read the first few pages of the sample. It seems like a good book. Unfortunately it's for couples in a different stage than we're at.

She never tells me when...

The hardest part is that I tell her that I want to change, and she asks why I didn't in the past when she brought it up.

To be honest, I think I was immature, or just wanted to ignore problems. I...

So I continued on the no contact. Last contact was briefly on Saturday morning and then she contacted me today on Tuesday to come over and talk in person.

I was convinced she was coming over to...

Thanks.

One of the issues in therapy was fatherhood. I had always told her we could have kids after I get successful job and house. Yesterday I realized that women's biological clocks start...

Thanks.

We went to therapy Wednesday, and did a conversation excersise, and got some feelings out of the way regarding parenthood and some other things. She seemed very responsive to this and...

I went to school with someone who married their teacher out of high school, he was like 45-50 and she was 18. Last I heard quite a few years later they were still together.

I don't think anyone...

Well, she ended up not going out of state with her parents. I asked her Saturday if she'd like to hang out, and she said she'd call me Sunday morning.

We went today to the zoo for 4 hours. We'd...

Thanks.

Well, Tuesday we went to the movies, and dinner afterwards, and I told her that I wish she would come back home, to which she replied 'No I can't do that'. I felt terrible. We then...

I've done similar things to my wife, and I didn't want to emotionally hurt her. Sometimes I'd do things like that, and I didn't know why I was doing it.

He can be in denial that he's emotionally...

Thanks. I've been looking forward to going to the counseling.

Through my pain, and the comfort I have received from friends, I have a better understanding of empathy.

I full know that I have...

She said it wouldn't be fair if she told me what she wanted. It was utter crap, and she wouldn't tell me what she wanted for the first 3 weeks that she was off and on leaving. She wouldn't tell me...

Thank you for your feedback.

She IM'd me an hour ago and said she was sorry for yelling at me. I called her up and we had a light conversation. She was talking about mexican food, and her career...

Well,

I wanted to call her, and talk about light stuff, she said she thinks she wants to go to school to be a nurse, so I thought that was a good conversation to talk about.

Stupidly I started...

I don't know who the guy is. I briefly snooped around on her IM, and saw horrible text messages from him, and just now logged on to see if he was online. He's a coworker of hers, in another...

Thank you for your replies.

We've been together 8, married for for almost 6 years. We're both 26.

We haven't learned to communicate effectively. I also never learned empathy until recently, so...