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mred · May 6, 2010, 10:31 AM

My ex has recently been baptized in his new faith but has been acting in violation of Biblical principles being taught in his congregation. He is committing fornication by sleeping with women he is not married to and such an act is enough grounds for him to be disfellowshipped. I confided to one religious sister about this and she strongly advised me to report this to congregational elders for investigation and discipline measures. You see, I just broke up with my ex and despite my desire to move on, I feel obliged by my faith (we share the same faith) to report his behavior. He would definitely know if he gets investigated that I am responsible for notifying the congregation and Im afraid he might think Im still bitter about our relationship and worse, he might deny his acts and refuse discipline from the congregation. Worst, he might just stop pursuing his faith. I am torn now if I should just keep silent or continue with reporting his behavior. Am I doing more harm than good for reporting him?

excon · May 6, 2010, 10:41 AM

Originally Posted by mred

Im afraid he might think Im still bitter about our relationship

Hello m:

You might have pure thoughts, but I think you just want to get him in trouble.

excon

NeedKarma · May 6, 2010, 10:47 AM

Isn't reporting him the same as judging him?

NeedKarma · May 6, 2010, 10:50 AM

You might to report yourself as well for very impure thoughts: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...nd-308309.html

Also ex is correct, you're bent on revenge: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-468894.html

slapshot_oi · May 6, 2010, 10:57 AM

Originally Posted by mred

. . . and Im afraid he might think Im still bitter about our relationship and worse. . .

Lol

Come on, I read your revenge post yesterday.

Originally Posted by mred

. . .Please help me put this man down.

That was my favorite line.

Alty · May 6, 2010, 11:07 AM

My favorite was;

I want to make him feel sorry about what he's done

doesn't quite mesh with;

Im afraid he might think Im still bitter about our relationship and worse

Doesn't your religion teach forgiveness? Judge not lest you be judged? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone and all that jazz?

If you do report him at least admit to yourself that you're doing it for revenge and nothing else. I guess that would be between you and whatever God you pray to.

mred · May 6, 2010, 11:36 AM

You might have pure thoughts, but I think you just want to get him in trouble.

I thought I wanted to have my revenge initially but after much thought, I feel that he should be spiritually guided. Also, I pity him because he's alone in a foreign country and his life seems to be headed downhill.

Revolutionary · May 6, 2010, 11:40 AM

1 John 5:16
"If anyone sees his brother commit a sin that does not lead to death, he should pray and God will give him life."

None of us has perfect motives, but if you come before the Lord, yourself, you can ask Him to change your heart, and change your ex's heart, and He will hear you, and open a path for you to forgive, and for your ex to be cleansed of his sin(1John 3:9"No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God.)

Beyond that, as your ex pursues Christ, Christ is pursuing him. The Holy Spirit will convict him of his sin, personally and then the man will have to grab hold of Amazing Grace for himself, or walk away from Christ.

There is actually a biblical protocol for addressing un-repented, continual sin in a fellow believer, outlined in one of Paul's letters. If you question your own motives, commit that, too, to the Lord, and ask Him to bring the sin to the attention of the church leadership, without your help.

Peace.

NeedKarma · May 6, 2010, 11:51 AM

Originally Posted by mred

... I feel that he should be spiritually guided.

Luke 4:23 - "...Physician, heal thyself.."

Wondergirl · May 6, 2010, 12:02 PM

Originally Posted by mred

he might just stop pursuing his faith

And how is he pursuing it now? Not real honestly, it seems...

This is between him and God. Stay out of it. It's certainly not Christian love that's causing you to want to report him. (Are you a Witness?)

startover22 · May 6, 2010, 12:18 PM

Stay away from other people business. If he were hurting someone physically, yes. But it looks as though he is just hurting your heart with out a doubt. No revenge needed, nor getting into something that is NOW none of your business. Sorry, but I am sure you are not perfect and if you had someone telling on you with every little thing you have done, you may get quite infuriated! Good luck with keeping with in your own business.

Homegirl 50 · May 6, 2010, 12:23 PM

" If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone" John 8:7
" Vengeance is mine thus saith the Lord"
So already you are sinning as well. Will you turn yourself in?

I think you are hurt and mad and I can understand that, but don't use phony righteous indignation to get back at him.
That is not in accordance with biblical principles either.
When a person converts to faith, he/she does not instantly change. Perfection is a journey we are striving towards so don't judge him. Leave that to the One who knows his heart.

You make sure your heart is in the right place, leave his actions to God, and stop spreading his business to others in the church. That is gossip and it is also sin.

mred · May 6, 2010, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And how is he pursuing it now? Not real honestly, it seems....

This is between him and God. Stay out of it. It's certainly not Christian love that's causing you to want to report him. (Are you a Witness?)

Yes Im studying with JWs. He just got baptized as JW and a sister advised me to report him. I talked to the sister and told her it might not be a good idea to pursue reporting my ex's behavior but she said if I don't do something about it, she will be the one to notify elders.

startover22 · May 6, 2010, 12:29 PM

You go Homegirl, perfectly said! Not only has she spread it through her church, I am sure she hasn't kept it a secret to her friends.

Don't use phony righteous indignation to get back at him. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT SO let me copy and paste it a hundred times so it will stick in your head, homegirl is so right on with this!
Don't use phony righteous indignation to get back at him.
Don't use phony righteous indignation to get back at him.
Don't use phony righteous indignation to get back at him.
Don't use phony righteous indignation to get back at him.
Well, you get the picture!

Homegirl 50 · May 6, 2010, 12:30 PM

Then you might want to report or repent yourself because you have done this out of malice not for the state of his soul, and that is wrong.

You may have started a ball rolling you can't stop. That is the problem when you act out of vengeance.

Wondergirl · May 6, 2010, 12:36 PM

Amazingly, in Christian fundamentalist churches such as the JWs, the one who reports the sin (for whatever reason) is not faulted by the congregation, and may even be applauded. What the church wants to do is expose the sin, hope the sinner will publicly repent (and will make life uncomfortable for him until he does, or instead disfellowships him). The exposure of the sin is everything, as a lesson for all "to eschew all evil."

NeedKarma · May 6, 2010, 12:37 PM

Originally Posted by mred

Yes Im studying with JWs. He just got baptized as JW and a sister advised me to report him. I talked to the sister and told her it might not be a good idea to pursue reporting my ex's behavior but she said if I dont do something about it, she will be the one to notify elders.

Sounds like a cult.

startover22 · May 6, 2010, 12:38 PM

Originally Posted by mred

Yes Im studying with JWs. He just got baptized as JW and a sister advised me to report him. I talked to the sister and told her it might not be a good idea to pursue reporting my ex's behavior but she said if I dont do something about it, she will be the one to notify elders.

And that is when you go to him and ask his forgiveness because you were wrong to have opened your mouth to any degree about his business. Then, you let it alone and say you are staying out of it. See what you have started? If you were really pure in your thoughts, you would have just prayed for him and let it be.

startover22 · May 6, 2010, 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Sounds like a cult.

Not really, just misguided people. People need to think before they act! Sheesh!

Wondergirl · May 6, 2010, 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Sounds like a cult.

The Jehovah's Witnesses (JWs) consider themselves Christian. We tried to define "Christian" on the Christianity board; it depends on whose definition you want to accept.