[TormentedSoul]

Yes, it's yet another high school sweetheart thread. :x First, a little background. This will bore most of you, but thanks in advance to those who read it all and respond.

My high school sweetheart (B) and my current wife (S) were friends in high school until I came along. S had a huge crush on me, but after 1 date, I decided I was more interested in B. We really hit it off and developed a very close, intense relationship, which also put an end to the friendship between B and S. About a year later though, we broke up. At first we tried to remain friends, but that ended up with a semi-dating relationship while I was also dating someone else. B told me she couldn't handle it and asked that I give her space so I did. In fact, I moved out of state and we didn't talk again. About 3 years later, S shows up on my doorstep and we begin dating. After a very tumultuous start to our relationship, we ended up getting married 6 years later.

Less than a year into our marriage, I am visiting my recently-widowed grandmother back in my home state and at her behest, we head out to the grocery store at 1AM. There we are in the produce aisle and I hear B's voice. I go over to say hello, we talk for a few, and next thing you know she asks me out for coffee the next day. The next day we ended up talking over coffee for nearly 4 hours and one of the comments she makes is that right before we split for good, she wanted to ask me to take her back, but felt it would be best for both of us if we stayed split. She also told me that she was a bit uncomfortable with the fact that S and I were now married. Anyway, when we eventually said our goodbyes, she made a comment like "Well I guess I'll see you in another 8-9 years." I really wanted to stay in touch with her, but that comment said to me that the feeling was not mutual so I let her go once again.

About 2 years ago, I was reading an article in a veterinary journal (I'm a big animal lover and like to remain educated about how to best care for my pets). As I come to the bottom of the article, I see a note about recent graduates of the associated veterinary school and there is B's name and school email address. I contacted her and basically told her that if she was willing, I'd like us to re-establish a friendship. At first she was reluctant, stating that she didn't want to come between me and my wife. Well after convincing my wife that she should forgive B after 15 years, my wife sends her a message stating that she was sorry for everything she did back in high school. This was apparently enough to convince B that she wasn't coming between us and she agreed to give a friendship a chance.

For several months, we only had the occasional "hi, how are you?" message exchange. Then one day she said she would be in my area, but that day was my anniversary. She didn't even respond when I told her why I would be unable to make it. About 8 months later (August), I told her I would be passing through her area and she invites me for coffee again. This time I accepted and once again, we talked for 3-4 hours. It was incredible how non-awkward the conversation was after all those years. However, her boyfriend was calling her repeatedly - obviously checking up on her, as he knew she was out with me. We parted ways and agreed to do it again soon, though she once again commented that she didn't want to cause problems with my wife. We were supposed to meet again prior to Xmas, but due to her health problems (she has severe liver disease) she couldn't make it.

Fast forward to February, at which point I contact her about a rescue dog (she is a vet). She tells me to bring the dog in, we chat a little, but it's mostly business because she is at work. One of her co-workers makes a joke about her giving me a hug and a kiss goodbye and she jokes back "Sure, why don't we just make out right here. I'm sure his wife would love that." My first thought was "I wouldn't object." but then I quickly reminded myself that I was married.

Last week she contacts me and asks me how the dog is doing. We chat a little and she tells me she just broke up with her boyfriend of 1.5 years. Right before she logs off, I ask her if she is free next week. She says yes and knowing that I love hiking, asks if I'd like to go. So anyway, today we met up and went on a short, 3-hour hike. She brought one of her dogs, I brought one of mine and all 4 of us had a nice time. We talked a lot, mostly about her newest ex and my wife (I've been having marital problems for some time). Along the way, she stopped some people to take a pic and they all presumed we were a couple. I didn't think we were acting that way, but you start to second-guess yourself when strangers comment.

Although I realize it's ridiculous, I still have feelings for this woman after 17 years. She doesn't give the impression that she feels the same, which is actually a good thing because I don't know if I could resist the temptation. Regardless, we are so vastly different that I can't even logically fathom us being together. Nonetheless, it has left me questioning my already very shaky marriage even more. It troubles me that I would rather spend time with this woman than my wife and that I would even consider having an affair with her if it was offered. I'm just not sure where to go from here. Perhaps it's time to give up on my marriage, considering that the problems have been ongoing for 4 years. If I wasn't married, I have to be honest and say that I would spend more time with this woman to get a better feel for how she feels - whether it logically makes sense for us to be together or not. Due to the severity of her liver disease and the unlikelihood that she will receive a transplant before she dies, I also feel even more of an urgency to "seize the day."

[amicon]

Seize the day?

I would sort out my marriage if I were you-whichever way that goes,rather than playing with fire with a woman who has severe health problems.