I was thinking about putting a photo of the time I know when my girlfriend was happiest under the door on xmas day, on the back saying 'thinking of you'. Is this a bad idea?

For those who don't know my story, my (ex?) girlfriend of 4 years says she loves me and will always loves me but is confused how she feels at the moment and needs time and is not sure if she wants to give us another chance. (I did nothing wrong as such but just stopped listening to her and always put myself first for a while - but didn't realise it made her unhappy till she brought it up and said about the space thing) I have not spoke to her in 2 weeks, but technically we broke up nrly 3 weeks ago, I been very good with n/c. But I thought this gesture does not break NC, shows her I'm still thinking of her and will give her time still. I'm worried she will think I have forgot about her and I may seem not bothered because I have been going out lots and lots of pictures up on Facebook showing me being very happy - which I am not without her.. just trying to be happy for me at moment. What do you think of this idea?

I disagree with you, she wants time and that's what you should give her. IF she loves you like she says she does, then respect her wishes and give her that space. Christmas, it's a rough time of the year for a lot of us, but don't pressure her anymore. She knows where your at... Good luck

As others have said, that know a lot more about this, No Contact = No Contact; it's not NC if you are dropping photos, etc. "But i thought this gesture does not break NC". Yes it does, in my opinion. I believe your mind is playing tricks on you.

The problem with doing what you are thinking, is you have an expectation behind it. You are hoping there will be some response from her. If you can perform your gesture and have no expectations, then do it. It won't make any difference.

I doubt that your gesture will play any role with her wanting to be with you or not. That is completely upon her desire to come back, and your gesture will not do anything to alter that desire. I don't really think it will push her away or bring her back.

But you are doing it with expectations. If you really don't have any expectations from this gesture, you wouldn't want to try it in the first place.

It's your call on how you will feel when she ignores your gesture.

--Cali

I think it's a bad idea. It sounds like you are exactly where you need to be so don't blow it. No means NO CONTACT at all ; nothing, nada, zilch ; just as though you've disappeared from the face of the earth, at least as far as she's concerned.

Additionally, to the extent that she has mis-used, mis-handled, or lied to you, breaking NC is giving her a pat on the back.

A very lousy idea, we all know all you want is her to call and say thank you. If she doesn't you will be heart broken and confused. Stay on the path.

I would skip it. I think it's a nice gesture and all, but I doubt if she will appreciate. It sounds like maybe you are more into her than she is into you. Stick to the no-contact rule for now. I know it's hard to! Good luck!

I usually hope for the worst, as I'm a narcissistic pessimist, but when girls say " i need space...i need time," it usually means "i found another guy, and i'm not so sure about you anymore". Usually. Not in ALL cases.. but in MOST cases that I've come across.

So... yeah. Don't do it. Bad idea.

I agree, she asked for time on her own... don't invade that!

Should I confront her about Isneezefunny idea that "when girls say " I need space... I need time," it usually means "I found another guy, and I'm not so sure about you anymore". Usually. I mean she told me there was no other guy involved... but is she lying? I have no reason to believe she is lying I thought she was not that type of person, but I also thought she wasn't the type of person to leave me without giving things a proper go - 4 years dammit, thrown away liked its nothing. If I knew there was another guy involved I would drop her more quick than hot coal and never look back.
Dam her! Why does she have to say 'i love u, I will always love u' and also say she doesn't want me to hang around for her decision as its not fair on me... BAH what am I supposed to do with that?

I really appreciate all your advice, and I won't send this photo, but how much time do I give her? I was thinking of suggesting couples counselling after the new years? That would be roughly 1 month of N/C then I would contact her and suggest couples counselling? Is that ridiculous? My theory is if she loves me as much as she says she will want to try and at least attempt to sort some solution? Are these more false hopes?

Hey friend. Reality check is needed here. Sorry but its over. It happens to the best of us :( and we all go through the same motions female or male.

Should I break NC? Should I do this? Well the best thing to do is to leave it, let your ex get on with whatever she needs to do. Leave her alone, no photos, no emails, that will just freak her out. A person who shows they have their own life and has an ability to get on with things despite all the cr@p in their lives is probably a bit more attractive than a needy person with all their thoughts on an ex?

Right now focus on other things. Get out the house, stay busy at work, try some new things, get down the gym, book a night out with friends, go party (its xmas! ), plan some trips away to look forward to. Do not mope about, life doesn't stop on a breakup.

No contact is the greatest gift in the world for any bad relationship when all words have been possibly expressed. If you had a good bit of communication during the breakup speech and nothing good came out of it - well your dumped? Well that's it, its over. She's not going to forget you, your not going to forget her, but leave her alone.

The busier you stay the better, in time you will feel much better, trust me on that.

Remember, it is MY opinion. It isn't ALWAYS the case. Just a bit bitter from my last breakup... roughly 2 weeks ago. I NEVER expected her to have another guy (I'm her first boyfriend... ever), much less leave me after 3 years... but I found out that she found another guy within 3 days. Kind of f-ed up, no?

Anyway, do not confront her about this. At all. Don't do it. It'll get you into a world of suspicions and hurt. Don't do it. N... to the C.

Sorry to here that Isneeze, maybe she's not the person you thought she was, maybe a bit of a sl@g? It's really sad that some people need someone else to be happy. Independent and single is often a great best to been in, as of course on the other hand a good relationship - Bit of a paradox maybe?

Stay away from the grape vine and keep busy, it doesn't matter what there doing. You were there first anyway.

Busy is not always best; I've been splitting and stacking wood and 'she' is all I think about. You need someone or someone's else, and get your mind on something else. Working with wood doesn't cut it with me, just as driving in my car alone is the pitts. Need some other folks and do something with them, a party, volunteer work, singing in a choir is great.

I think you should surround yourself with friends, not necessarily another girl (or guy). Starting another "relationship" or even another "attachment" is unhealthy. Surround yourself with friends/family and just hang out and heal.

With no contact its natural as the reminders of your ex are not there that the thoughts will go George. Splitting and stacking wood I imagine isn't the most exciting or brain consuming task? Your quite right about the other activities.

Time is a great healer and useful for thinking!

You are just trying to validate what you think. Even if shecalls and says thank you, where does that leave you.. Ill tell you... Looking weak because you came to her when she was the one who asked for space. Do as others have said, walk away. Who are you waiting for. Someone who is confused. Let her be confused then and move on. Just cause you move on doesn't mean you have to stop loving her, but it does mean your moving on. In the future if she wants to try again that is a choice you will have to make. But I promise you the same thing will happen again if you are not careful.