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    mar204455's Avatar
    mar204455 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Feb 1, 2016, 09:23 AM
    I would like to see what you think
    Ok I know this lady who is actually my cousins mother in law and she is been around a long time because my family are close to my cousin we get to associate with her. I'm single and don't have kids at the moment. Anyway one time she made a comment about what am I waiting for so I let that go. Another time I went to a party and it was mothers day. I said to her Happy mothers and she replied I cant say the same to you but she said it in such a rude way. So my question I'm getting married and I really don't want to invite her.. Do you guys think what she is said is rude and for me not to invite her.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #2

    Feb 1, 2016, 12:04 PM
    You need to do whatever makes you happy on that day while realizing the consequences of any decision you make. If you invite her she may make a comment like ďitís about timeĒ but you know that going in. If you donít invite her I suspect the comments about not being invited will be worse than that. Itís up to you because itís your day. We all have people in our lives who donít have a filter on their mouth and say whatever it is that comes to their brain. We can react negatively to it and enhance the drama, or we can just brush it off. I prefer the latter as long as it isnít too rude.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,244, Reputation: 10853
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    #3

    Feb 1, 2016, 12:18 PM
    If you think she is rude now, imagine if you snubbed her how she would react. However it is your wedding and it's your choice who you invite or not. Only you can decide if it's worth the drama or NOT.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #4

    Feb 1, 2016, 12:39 PM
    I agree with Oliver that she will undoubtedly say, "It's about time."

    I'm guessing everyone knows how she is (and loves her anyway?), so not inviting her, like Oliver and tal both said, will bring you more grief in the future than if you snub her.

    Give her upbeat responses and big smiles. Crush her with (undeserved) kindness. "It's about time" and then you say ... (think of fun and positive responses) ... "Hope you're having as good a time as I am" or even better POSITIVE comebacks. You'll be glad later that you did.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #5

    Feb 1, 2016, 03:53 PM
    "It's about time"... " I was waiting for a keeper!"... "It's been great to take the time to focus on my education, career, my family and friends, hobbies, travel, etc."... "I know, I don't know what took him so long to find me!"

    However you respond, smile, keep it brief, try not to read anything into it, and move on to speak with other people.Keep in mind that, depending on her age, it could just be a generational thing. Or perhaps a culture or family tradition/norm to marry early.

    Do you think that you might be more sensitive to what you feel she is implying because you had thought you would have been married at this stage... and her remarks are sort of a reminder of that?

    Regardless, try not to let a couple of remarks bother you. When you marry, there will likely be plenty of other people there, so your interaction with her would most likely be minimal. Enjoy your special day!
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #6

    Feb 1, 2016, 05:59 PM
    She's your cousins mother in law, not a relative, and definitely not a friend. You may see her often, but she's not actually related to you, and you don't like her, so why invite her to your wedding?

    This is your day, you get to choose who to invite. If you do choose not to invite her, and she gets upset, play the, "we only invited close friends, and blood related family members".

    Yes, it may cause issues later on, but really, she's not a friend, and she's really not related to you. She's related by marriage to your cousin, but not to you.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #7

    Feb 1, 2016, 08:03 PM
    I will agree, a mothers cousin in law is not family, and certainly not a close relation. It appears she is someone who is known and invited to many social events by other members of the family.

    Rude, depends on society, Here where I live, people will start asking if you are pregnant about 3 months after marriage, and act like you are not doing your job as a wife is not pregnant within 2 years of marriage. (they will suggest going to a doctor to be checked, and more (just causal friends)
    catonsville's Avatar
    catonsville Posts: 894, Reputation: 91
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    #8

    Feb 1, 2016, 09:45 PM
    Okay, another way to look at it, is do you want or need another gift. I had to come up with something, as the others already pretty much covered it. If, she is a PITA , it is your call.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #9

    Feb 2, 2016, 01:12 AM
    I disagree. I think by not inviting her, it will create an uncomfortable rift with your family.

    If all she has done from what you've said, is throw out the odd barb, you should be able to just brush it off. Likely she is like that to everyone.

    Unless she's likely to dance on the tables, or get drunk enough to punch a few people out (as I've seen wedding guests do), I would invite her.

    After the wedding, who you socialize with, is entirely up to you.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,244, Reputation: 10853
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    #10

    Feb 2, 2016, 05:23 AM
    Jake makes a good point because you never know how others in your family will deal with your snub of this family member. Just because she irritates YOU doesn't mean others in your family will support you snubbing her. How can you not invite her if you invite your cousin and her father?

    Or are you snubbing them too?

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