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hard_times · Jan 9, 2009, 07:07 AM

If an ex you cared about met someone before you, would this bother you? Would you take it personally? It seems easier said then done, that it shouldn't bother you, its just them moving on. But wouldn't anyoen look at the new guy/girl and ask what do they have I don't anymore?

kctiger · Jan 9, 2009, 07:08 AM

It wouldn't bother me if I didn't know about it. The beauty of no contact is that you never need to know, or care, again!

hungtoronto · Jan 9, 2009, 07:32 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

It wouldn't bother me if I didn't know about it. The beauty of no contact is that you never need to know, or care, again!

Agree with Tiger. You are not suppose to find out or know what they do after you breakup. What you don't know won't hurt you.

kctiger · Jan 9, 2009, 07:35 AM

Curiosity killed the cat...

Believe me, I am on my 5th life right now (perhaps even 6th)

hard_times · Jan 9, 2009, 07:56 AM

True true. I just have that feeling of dread ill find out from someone. I just hope I've worked on myself enough for it not to bother me. I'm getting there. I just feel a bit out the ordinary wanting to take a hiatus from dating. When I'm sure a lot of people go the other way when dealing with this stuff.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 9, 2009, 08:03 AM

I unfortunately knew. My ex dumped me for another guy.

... here's the kicker. The new guy... has NOTHING on me. So, I just immediately concluded that she's an idiot and moved on.

... guess what? I WAS RIGHT! She was an idiot. Still calling me after a year. Pshhffbbbttt

Justwantfair · Jan 9, 2009, 08:07 AM

I don't know how anyone can say that the knowledge isn't painful, but it is a part of the healing process that you will have to participate in if you still have any form of receiving this kind of information.

Feelings are normal, you can only change how you react to the feelings, not that you feel them.

kctiger · Jan 9, 2009, 08:11 AM

It is the natural progression of life. I mean, they aren't going to stay single forever. But, who the hell cares? I mean, really, think about it. It isn't personal, just means the two of you weren't right for each other. Better to find someone you are happier with, than to try and force a woefully unhappy relationship together, just because you don't want her to get another guy.

talaniman · Jan 9, 2009, 08:45 AM

Why care what they do if your busy doing what you enjoy, and makes you happy. Granted you have some feelings, but who sits and worries about it, except those who have not moved beyond it, and have coped with those feelings in a healthy positive way..

Romefalls19 · Jan 9, 2009, 08:57 AM

Once again, with Sneezy on this one! Him and I go WAY back, back to when we both first appeared on the forums with the same type of thing happening to both of us. Both of our exes started calling after we went NC, both also left us for another. As long as you stay NC, you have NOTHING to worry about.

jmw0713 · Jan 9, 2009, 08:57 AM

It bothers me sometimes, when I think about it. Not that she found love first, but that she was unhappy with me when we both used to be happy together. Sometimes I think that what I had wasn't good enough, even though I gave it my all. Then I just go do something fun to take my mind off it and those thoughts go away for a while.

Like last weekend my buddy and I just up and went to Miami for the Ravens Playoff game. Total spur of the moment type trip. I didn't think about her the whole time. It was nice. I had a great time. I'm actually sad I had to comeback so soon... but whatever.

MiSSsy111222 · Jan 11, 2009, 07:25 AM

Yesterday I accidentally stumbled across some information about my ex. Turns he has interests in someone else.. we only broke up nearly 3months ago. It hurt REAL bad, made me question everything that has happened, especially as he said he just couldn't handle being in a relationship anymore.and here he is with a new princess! I cut contact with him and still found out information about him,, it sucks

expat2009 · Jan 11, 2009, 08:07 AM

It's really hard when you still have ties to them. It will bother you at first I mean they have their own lives now and are not really worried about what you do, so why should you? It's not a race either to see who finds a partner first. Wouldn't you rather wait a whole year to find an amazing person than to jump into a relationship with someone just for the sake of it? Getting together with someone just to prove yourself you've moved on is not a reason to start a new relationship. It should flow naturally when you meet the right person.

I'm pretty lucky in that I don't really have ties to my ex. The last tie I had to her was through Facebook but I've removed her and her friends--one of them I dread losing too but hopefully he understands and one day I'll look him up. Now there is no chance I can find out something I don't want to know. The only way would be if I actually bump into her one day---hope that NEVER happens!

Hell I even know her hotmail password and I would never go in it. I have no desire to get back to square one.

kctiger · Jan 11, 2009, 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by expat2009

It's really hard when you still have ties to them. It will bother you at first I mean they have their own lives now and are not really worried about what you do, so why should you? It's not a race either to see who finds a partner first. Wouldn't you rather wait a whole year to find an amazing person than to jump into a relationship with someone just for the sake of it? Getting together with someone just to prove yourself you've moved on is not a reason to start a new relationship. It should flow naturally when you meet the right person.

I'm pretty lucky in that I don't really have ties to my ex. The last tie I had to her was through facebook but I've removed her and her friends--one of em I dread losing too but hopefully he understands and one day I'll look him up. Now there is no chance I can find out something I don't want to know. The only way would be if I actually bump into her one day---hope that NEVER happens!

Hell I even know her hotmail password and I would never go in it. I have no desire to get back to square one.

What it basically boils down to is will power. I am sure all of us could, if we wanted to, dig for information about our ex and for whatever reason cause more pain for ourselves. It is good that, even though you have her password to an email account, that you don't bother utilizing it.

You really have to want to cut all ties to your ex, otherwise, all of the effort you put into will just crumble when you go digging for information. In the end, it doesn't effect your life anyway. Most likely they don't dig for information regarding our lives (I am almost positive my ex has no sort of interest in my life), so why should we waste thought on what they do with theirs?

jmw0713 · Jan 12, 2009, 11:30 AM

I agree with KC. I don't dig for information. I am almost 100% sure she doesn't dig for info on me either. My only problem is, I still remain in contact with almost all of her friends, and really I don't consider that a problem. Only reason for that is the fact that we are good friends. They know what our situation is, and none of them bring her up at all when we hang out, which is cool.

Plus, I already know all I need to know about her anyway... I just hope she is happy, because that is what I'm working on, becoming happy with what I have. Right now, I can do anything I want with out her getting mad, and she can do anything she want with out upsetting me so... that makes me happy and probably makes her happy. We both made choices and are now living with the results. I hope for the both of us these results work out for the best.

That's what its all about. Being happy with yourself. It is not a competition. There is no race to win here. It just you and life...that's it. Everyone lives a different life and makes different choices that affect their lives. But only you can control your OWN life and only you can be happy with your own life. No one else will ever be able to make you feel happy about yourself and your life until you are happy on your own.

spitvenom · Jan 12, 2009, 11:38 AM

Nope never cared when an ex would let it be known she had a new BF. It affects my life 0.0%

plonak · Jan 12, 2009, 12:44 PM

After my ex and I were done, I jumped right into a rebound relationship.. boy was that a mistake..

When we are emotional about our breakup and more than likely still heartbroken, our minds are foggy, leading us into things that we wouldn't normally do.. hence me getting into that rebound relationship..

I seriously think back and ask myself why oh why did I date that rebound!! He was SO not for me and all I ended up doing was wasting my time..

Now, I'm going to be OK with being single, even though I'm 24... I'm going to wait out for a good one now..

So don't worry, it sucks to see that, but you will get over it, and just find solice in the fact that you're not wasting your time with rebounds!

Romefalls19 · Jan 12, 2009, 01:31 PM

I agree with Plonak, as usual ha ha, but our minds are often foggy in what we are doing. We want so much to find that connection we used to feel that we will try to force anything. Luckily for me I found this site and allowed myself the time to heal, even though the next relationship I got into I did propose to her. I haven't second guessed my decision one second. It's true what they say, only you know when you are ready to date again, I took the time to heal and when I first meet my fiancé, we were nothing more than friends. We both were coming out of relationships and had a lot in common. We would talk A LOT between texting and at work and things just took off after only a short while.

Sure we've had our bumps and bruises but nothing that through communication and techniques learned on this forum that we haven't been able to work through. If one piece of advice I could offer people on this forum, just because you get into a relationship do not forget about this site and wait until it's too late to use it.