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go2004 · Mar 29, 2008, 06:38 AM

Id just like to start by thanking everyone who replies ahead of time

I met this girl sometime in 02' and things started getting really serious latley, downside is we live about 35 hours apart right now, we do have it planned for me to move to san diego to get an apartment together, I don't know since we start having the whole me moving in with her discusion I worry nonstop about everything little thing, like ill pick at every detail, for example if once I didn't think she was saying "i love you" enough and I started a fight because of it, if she takes a while to reply, ill assume she doesn't want to talk to me, the list goes on and on and I think I may also be starting to get a little too controlling, I've had a terrible relationship past and maybe that's why I worry about everything because I don't want to loose her like I did others but was just wondering if anyone could give any advice at all of either why I'm acting like this or how I can change and loose the constant worrying and paranoia

Username Here · Mar 29, 2008, 07:10 AM

I've had a similar problem with the wonderful woman I have been with for the last 15 months.

I always used to bring up silly things, I knew had no real meaning but I wanted to dig deeper. I found that, I wouldn't being these things up in person, mainly in texts or emails. So I eliminated that problem by discussing with her, that if I was bringing up something that was going to cause an argument, she would immediately tell me and it would be the first thing we would discuss IN PERSON next time we're together.

What I want to get across is that you need to find an underlying cause or situation where this behavior happens and take it out of the relationship by a simple agreement between you and your partner. There are not many situations in a healthy relationship that can't be resolved by a simple analysis of the underlying problem.

Good luck, I hope you and your partner have a wonderful life together in san diego

Hope this helps,
Louis.

lmnotok · Mar 29, 2008, 07:15 AM

Oh look! You are not only "a little too controlling" but even worse--- a desperate guy! You are soooo insecured. This is always the worst part of any relationship. I guess your past one ended up partly because of this. You seem to have a very low self-esteem. Guy, if you don't love yourself enough, you can never love someone else in the true meaning of the word. So yeah, You should take a book about how to improve your self-esteem, then I guess things will gradually change, too.

Username Here · Mar 29, 2008, 07:42 AM

Wow, that's a really nasty answer. You call him a 'desperate guy' and then say he needs to improve his self-esteem. I don't agree with your answer. He's not desperate, just protective and finds it hard to trust, distance between a couple often causes a minor trust issue.

talaniman · Mar 29, 2008, 08:59 AM

how I can change and loose the constant worrying and paranoia

You may need some help, and if you do, I encourage you to get it, and use it. If you don't make the necessary changes you run the risk of ruining any chance at any future happiness. Some things you just have to let go guy.