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xfluffyx · Jan 4, 2008, 07:25 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together nearly 3 years, recently he keeps pushing me away when I want sex. He won't let me touch him in a sexual way. I love him but its driving me insane, I've started to doubt myself - feel ugly, unsexy. He always says he loves me and does a lot for me, he admits there is a problem and suggested I cover up more (when getting ready for bed, or getting changed), and that maybe he'll want sex more if he doesn't see, this breaks my heart.
Before I started to ask him what the problem was I dressed up, I cooked romantic meals, but he says its psychological - could he be gay? Does he not find me attractive?
I love him I really do but no sex in a relationship seems like there is no love there. Should I feel this way or should I separate sex and love.
Please help

Xxx fluff

George_1950 · Jan 4, 2008, 07:32 AM

If sex was a part of your relationship and he is now saying, no sex, you have a need for information from him. Do your best to communicate fully and fairly with him without personal judgements, so that he isn't threatened somehow. A counselor may be beneficial if you cannot get him to be open and honest with you.

lavenderly · Jan 4, 2008, 11:49 AM

Since u were already in a relationship where both love and sex existed, there is no way u can say that sex is separated from love and vice versa. Unless he is having some severe disease or physical injuries, I do not find any reason to believe he cannot have sex with u.

There are a few reasons that he is no longer interested. Maybe he is indeed gay, maybe he is having an affair, maybe he is comparing u with other hotter women (that is shallow), maybe he is bored and needs some suspense (that's why he is asking you to show less).

There can be lots of "maybes". Only one way of finding out. Talk to him and tell him how u feel. When talking with a man on these issues, try to focus on yourself and not on him. Do not keep asking for answers when u see that he is not ready to share. Use more "I" than "You" when conversing. He will be less defensive.

Hey xfluffyx, u must never feel unattractive. Because when u allow that low self-esteem to settle in, u will lose confidence. And that, will make u less attractive!

EuRa · Jan 4, 2008, 12:01 PM

I was in a relationship JUST LIKE THE ONE YOU DESCRIBED! I wanted her to cover up more when we weren't having sex, etc etc. Exactly as he asked.

The answer is simple: You just need to spice it up more! Buy a sex game online and play it with him. Cover yourself up, but in a revealing way (a tight sweater, for example). Buy some sexy underwear, and leave it out "accidentally" for him to see, but when he asks about it, don't smile or smirk, just keep it casual. "Its just something on sale" and put it away like it's no big deal.

The less it looks like you care, and the less you try, will be a turn on to him. Also if you get hit on without him around, tell him. A little jealousy, you know? :) Just don't make it obvious you are trying too hard. And when you do finally get back into the swing of things, if there's something he wants to do sexually and it's something you never wanted to do simply because you didn't want to do it... just do it. If it's degrading or demeaning, then you don't have to.

I was in this guys shoes. I know exactly what he means. SPICE IT UP GIRL! But don't be too obvious about it. Don't go announcing what you bought or what great things you'll do in bed. Just do it, but be reserved about it.

talaniman · Jan 4, 2008, 02:12 PM

Don't take this personally but do get to the root of the problem. What are the other areas of this relationship like? Have you had any problems or life changing events lately (pregnancy, babies, illness, injuries)? Changed jobs, or financial problems, big argument? How long has he been like this? I need a much better picture.

lisalost · Aug 9, 2008, 06:38 AM

Hi! I am like this I don't want sex but it's the other way round its me the female that doenst want it! I just don't feel attracted to him in that way. Don't get me wrong I love him to pieces and he loves me and the sex thing doesn't bother him! I wouldn't say seprerate love from sex because some people "make love" I show ym boyfriend I love him in different ways.
And it definitely is not because your ugle or not sexy don't ever let yourself think like that you will loose all confidence and become paranoid!!

Hope this helps