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M28B3 · May 15, 2012, 02:39 PM

My partner & I have been living together for three years and are both in our 30s. He told me in October he wanted to propose for my birthday in November but felt restricted because he couldn't afford the diamond. I assured him I did not need a diamond but he insisted because of my family and their old fashioned views he needed to have one & would save for it. He even told my mom he was planning on proposing soon and that was last September! So in November I used some money I had saved and bought a diamond. I gave it to him on my birthday and he said he felt sick to his stomach. I sent it back.

Fast forward six months and still nothing. We still live together and his financial investments are constantly being funded into electronics and his work. I'm going to my best friends wedding next week and I last minute feelings are really pulling me down. I want to go alone. I feel like to go with him just makes me sad. I feel hurt by how he continues to string me and my family along. It's one thing to make me wait but another to keep telling my grandparents and parents "when we get married..." I feel like he just keeps talking about it to buy time. How long do I wait? This whole process has made me lose respect for his integrity because now I don't feel like I can trust his word.

Thoughts? Please!

Wondergirl · May 15, 2012, 02:52 PM

Why would he propose and marry you? You already live together and all that implies. He has everything he needs and wants now. The quote about a cow and free milk comes to mind.

DoulaLC · May 15, 2012, 02:52 PM

Would you be comfortable proposing to him? If not, maybe keep it playful, "So, when are we setting the date? My grandparents aren't getting any younger you know"!

If need be, make it more direct. "It's been awhile since my birthday, are you still planning on proposing"?

Have you seen any rings that you are interested in? If so, take him and show him a few to choose from.

Is it possible that he just has cold feet? Since you are living together already, maybe he doesn't see a need to formalize things after all.

Don't drive yourself crazy with the wondering. You're going to need to speak to him and get things sorted once and for all.

talaniman · May 16, 2012, 03:25 AM

You live together, a proposal is not necessary, just start setting a date and making plans to get the ring if that's all that holds him up. If he is making no solid plans to overcome the lack of a ring, then he is stalling, wasting your time, and you better pay attention.

I mean damn, what kind of diamond does he need? An inexpensive one is a good start and a bigger one later. No excuses, ask him about the ring fund. Go from there.

I wouldn't let family, and friends, and events have me all sad because of their hopes and dreams either. Getting married to please family and friends is a losing proposition in the long run. Get you and your partner on the same page is MUCH more important, and right now, you are very far apart.

Just my opinion.

PS, I like Doula's idea, show him an affordable one and tell him that's the one you MUST have for yourself. You can accept no other.