We have been together since I was 17. I am now 25 and he is 30. We have a 4 1/2 year old son. We have lived together on and off but recently I moved because I feel like he is never going to commit. I love him to death and I don't want to see myself with any one else but it kills me that he shies away from the marriage topic. I mean even when I ask him about engagement and waiting for a year or two later to have a wedding he still shies away from it. It hurts me sooo bad to think that I'm going to be 30 in four years and he hasn't even attempted to ask and pop the big question. He says later or in a couple more years.. Its just breaking me emotionally because we are planning on moving back in with each other in the next month with our son but in the back of my head I feel like I'm never going to get the ring or the wedding the every girl dreams of. He is my heart and my go to person for everything but I'm lost. Help.. I need some advice :-(

Will you get any child support or money if you move out and don't live with him? You need to think about that. Can you afford to live without him? Many people live together a very long time, without getting married. In some states, after a certain number of years living together, the state considers you to be married. I don't know where you live.

Have you asked him why he's so against marriage? Have you asked yourself why a ring and a wedding is so important to you? Can you afford a wedding, the ring, the works? If not, that may be why he hesitates.

In the end, marriage is just a piece of paper. If you're in a long term relationship, have a child together, live together, share everything with each other, than you're already married, minus the paper work, the expensive ring and the ceremony.

What's more important, one day, or the rest of your lives? One little piece of paper, or a couple that's committed to each other?

Why don't you propose to him instead? I proposed to my husband when our daughter was 2 and we have been married for 17 years now.

So you keep leaving him... and keep going back! Including soon again, you say.
Why?
And why should a marriage-shy guy marry you when you keep going back? If you leave him for not marrying you and not a bunch of other reasons, then put your money where your mouth is, and call his bluff.

Financially we can afford to live with each other. No it is not about child support because since our son entered our lives we both equally provide for him and love our son unconditionally. Nd as to why I keep leaving and moving out well let's just say its not just the proposal its because a piece of paper doesn't define a couples relationship and it shouldn't matter but call me a romantic. I love this man and he loves me we love our son but I almost feel like I'm not good enough to have the ring. Well am I or not? I want to have the dress and the few true people to cherish that moment and hear us say "I Do". I have heard in certain states after so many yrs they do consider. When people ask him or his family asks when are we going to finally tie the knot he pretends not to here them and brushes it off, it hurts and breaks my heart. I have even told him that when the time is right I was going to propose to him and he says no wait a few more years.

Why should he marry you? He has everything now, he's getting free milk, as the saying goes.

There are 1,138 benefits, rights and protections provided on the basis of marital status in Federal law. He needs to read this site since marriage is very much to his benefit legally --

Marriage Rights and Benefits | Nolo.com

Simply refuse to live with him until he fulfills your romantic notions. Make sure he fulfills his financial notion to his child.

I love this man and I have done everything financially, emotionally, physically and mentally to support him for 9 years. I have givinen him all my teen years and have given him a child. While my friends were partying and clubbing(I have neva been to a club) I was at home cooking, cleaning, taking care of a child and keeping my man happy and working. Sooo I think I have had the rite to take a break from time to time to think. Maybe I will be good enough for him to finally propose to me and maybe neva but the nerve for you to sit and try to say it's a bluff your ignorant. I've been through a lot and I refuse to get into depth with it but seriously walk in my shoes for a day and put up with what I had to in the last 9 years and then just maybe you wouldn't think the same

I will deff check this out and your totally right. Why would he get married when technically he has his cake with the cherry on top and he gets to eat it to..

Because I am scared I will be shot down.. just like a man who's been told no by the women of his dreams. Then they say when you propose to a man it may make him feel pressured or make him feel less than a man.. its not that that I'm worried about its not hearing the Yes ill marry you. I've been looking for rings and everything but then I feel like why hasn't he put the effort in to ask or go get a ring. I don't know I'm stuck between the two

Propose any way, and see what happens. Being afraid of being shot down can't be worse than being in misery because you aren't married can it?

He deff supports his son. His son adores his dad. And I have thought about it but then giving a man an ultimatium might make him feel pressured and god knows I do not want him to be forced nor do I want a divorce in the future

Yea I guess you rite. Well were going to Florida on a vaca wit our son the first week of March. Maybe a beach side proposal? This is crazy, OMG but ill neva know unless I keep waiting on him or if I don't ask

But, seriously, you are way out of line here: "... Maybe I will be good enough for him to finally propose to me and maybe neva but the nerve for you to sit and try to say its a bluff your ignorant. I've been through a lot and I refuse to get into depth with it but seriously walk in my shoes for a day and put up with what I had to in the last 9 years and then just maybe you wouldn't think the same ..."

When you post your problems on a public board you should be prepared for some answers you will like and some answers you don't like. You don't know who has and who has not "walked in your shoes." You "refuse to get into depth with it"? So you want to post half the information and then criticize the advice that's based on that partial history that you post?

Maybe you will be "good enough" for him to finally propose. Maybe you won't. Maybe he'll "neva" propose.

It's your choice to go or to stay. If you want to know why he doesn't want to marry you, ask him. He presumably knows, and he also knows the whole story and maybe he doesn't mean "neva." Maybe he means "just not now."

Ya rite I didn't put evry last detail and maybe that's y I got the response. Evry relationship has its good moments and bad, let's just say the bad have really been bad but the good have been the monents what keeps me in this relationship. I want nothing more to keep fighting for the him and I. But maybe you rite maybe now isn't good for him I just don't want another 5 or 9 yrs to go by and we still aren't married.. I just don't want to be that options I want to be more than just a comfortable option

Please, write using full words, not text abbreviations. Texting is against the rules of this site. I don't text, so when I read texting, I not only can't understand it, but for me it gives an impression of the person posting, and it's not a favorable impression. This site is free, there's no charge no matter how much you write, so use complete words and the best English and grammar you're capable of. This is not a request, it's a demand as per site rules.

Have you ever sat down with him and asked why he keeps putting things off? If so, what does he say?

Last but not least, we provide answers based on the information given. If you don't want to tell the entire story, then you can't chastise people for not understanding. We only know what you tell us. We're not psychic.

You don't have to make any demands on how I write and honestly a simple please would have been nice on how I write.. The last time I checked I was grown.

But to answer your question yes I have sat down with him and spoke to him about this on a few occasions. I neva get a direct answer as to why he doesn't want to. Its not even that he shys away from it he completely feels as if it is not an option and I feel it should be as to the many years that I have been completely faithful to him. I have devotely given my time and love to our life together. He almost feels as if nothing I want is important but everything he wants should be given. Maybe I should come to just realize that he doesn't want to ever get married. Maybe I should just give up on it. I personally think I have been there for him 100%.. and no I shouldn't assume and give half of the story so let's just say in the beginning of our relationship he did cheat on me and was verbally abusive but we as a couple over came these obscales as a couple I forgave him and still love him. Over the years and since our son things have been great besides the whole commitment thing. I feel like he almost feels if he ties the knot that hell feel trapped but I'm tired of feeling like I'm putting 100% and he's only meeting me 80% finacially we can afford a home, our son, and everything else but well let's just say I don't know anymore

Do I keep fighting for him or do I give up?
Do I walk away and wait for him to become a man that's ready to commit?
Do I stay and wait another 9 years?

Call me old fashioned or someone with an old soul but I want the ring, the wedding, someone to grow old with. I really don't think I am asking for much when I don't ask for much.

I am just seeking advice not how you define me as a person because the way that I write. Call it being used to the texting life or whateva but I am who I am and how someone writes or doesn't shouldn't define them.. Its 2013 who isn't using the slang. But it isn't that serious just looking for advice on the situation and I never said any one on here would know every detail but I only wanted input on what I did write but if people shouldn't be ALLOWED to write how they want then people on here shouldn't be ALLOWED to criticize. I mean even without all the details I got a few good responses and they didn't criticize me if they wanted me to tell more I would but that's besides the point I'm not on here to argue I am simply on here to get a little advice. I am not on here to judge cause god is the only one that should be judging. And my life ain't perfect cause no ones is but at the end of the day it is what it is

Texting isn't slang, it's a non language. Most of the people on this site are educated people that are way past their teen years, way past their 20's. We didn't grow up with this text crap, and we won't lower our intelligence to learn it. It's not a language.

But, my opinion on this doesn't matter. The fact is, it's a site rule. Text speak is against the rules. Failure to follow the rules can lead to posts being deleted, or you being banned. So really, what I think doesn't matter, neither does it matter what you think. You joined, so you agreed to obey the rules. I'm simply making you aware of those rules, since you obviously didn't read them when you agreed to them.

Now, back to your question.

Would you be happy with a civil ceremony? A day at the court house, no wedding dress, no big party, none of the hoopla? What is it that's most important, getting married, or the ceremony, all the bells and whistles?

I see that one of our moderators has already been busy editing your posts so we can read them. And yes, I'm 67 years old and I text, using complete words and full sentences when I do. I tried to give you a non-judgmental and helpful answer.

You are going to have to fish or cut bait if you want a marriage. Just hoping for it and for him to realize what a treasure he has with you and his child won't make it happen. You are going to have to shock the pants off him by proposing yourself and then leaving him if he pushes you off again.

It's a non factor of how I write.

If you want to help then keep the rest to yourself. I am merly on here for advice and it should not matter what age group I am in.. I have graduated from high school with honors and my gpa presently in college if you must know is a 3.2 since that's the kind of people on here I am not trying to dumb you down cause I don't want to feel like your trying to dumb me down

But even going to city hall would be fine with me. He just doesn't seem like he wants to settle down. He is content with how things are. He tells me why would you want to get married to ruin things. Yes it has been said that marriage could ruin things but we won't know until we give it a fighting chance. I never thought I would be put in a situation like this.. to hear him speak these words its like a stab in the heart. This could be a debate but I would rather not do that with him. A simple yes or no is fine, what if he just is not mature enough for that next step

I just want advice on the topic and if not then don't bother

How on earth could marriage ruin things? (except for his being able to easily cut and run when things go bad) You and I both know that is an excuse that is full of crap.

Oh for God's sake. Do you know what rules are? Every place has rules. This site has rules. I don't make the rules, I merely abide by them, which is why I'm allowed to stay here, ask and answer questions. These rules aren't my rules, they're the site rules. I explained that. If you have such a high GPA then really, you should get it! It's not rocket science!

The rules of this site specifically state that texting (chat speak) is not allowed You are to write using full words, full sentences, using the best (not the worst) English you're capable of, otherwise you risk your posts being deleted, or risk being banned by this site.

For the last time, this is not my rule, it's the rules of the site you're posting on.

So go ahead, ignore my very simple warning to you, that you've chosen to carry on and on and on about, and you'll be banned. Then you won't have any choices, at least not on this site.

I'm done.

Someone else can try to deal with this poster. Obviously what I'm saying, isn't getting through.

If you're interested, here are the site rules, which you agreed to when you joined.

Ask Me Help Desk - FAQ: Terms of Service, FAQ and How To Use This Site

Good bye and good luck.

Don't bother replying to me, I have ended my subscription to this thread. The mods can deal with you now.