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    Why is she ignoring me?

    Asked Apr 6, 2007, 06:22 AM 16 Answers
    I met a girl about 2 months ago and we have been seeing each other for about 6 weeks. Things where going really well and we where intimate together etc. She was very affectionate with me and also talked about going to live overseas together etc.

    I was trying to take it slowly by not talking about the relationship between us. I did not want to pressure her into anything. We saw each other about 2 to 3 times a week.

    One night about 4 weeks ago we went out and it was great. When we got home she said she had to leave because of an ealry morning the next day. Did not really want to kiss me good bye. When I spoke to her the next day she sounded distant and not interested in talking. I thought maybe I was pushing her into something she did not want. I then went overseas for 2 weeks and during that time I phoned her twice but she was not really excited like in the beginning.

    We had dates for 2 weddings when I got back and 2 days before I got back she said she could not go to the first one anymore since she had to do something else. I was angry with her when she told me as I was really looking forward to seeing her when getting back. Since getting back she is ignorng my calls and I also had to get someone else to go to both weddings.

    I am not sure why this is. Is it because she thinks I was using her and not really serious about the relationship or is it because she does not want to get into a relationship? If she does not want to see me anymore why does she not just say so. We are both adults aren't we?

    I would really like to see her again and find out what happened but I don't want to keep on phoning like a stalker. Sometimes I think I should just drive over there and confront her but sometimes I think I should just leave her and see what happens. Should I phone one of her friends and ask what is going on?

    Any advice from the ladies?

    Last edited by ljcremer; Apr 6, 2007 at 06:48 AM. Reason: duplicate
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    16 Answers
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,764, Reputation: 10741
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    #2

    Apr 6, 2007, 07:04 AM
    I would have been gone as what kind of relationship can survive without talking to each other. Whatever her issues she doesn't seem to want to work with you. Wonder if it had anything to do with your trip? Unless she tells you, you will never know. Ask her face to face what the deal is, and go from there.
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    ljcremer's Avatar
    ljcremer Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Apr 6, 2007, 07:10 AM
    That is exactly what I am trying to do.

    Left her 3 messages in the last 2 weeks asking her if we can meet but no response!
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,764, Reputation: 10741
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    #4

    Apr 6, 2007, 07:30 AM
    Drop it, move on and don't look back.
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    Emland's Avatar
    Emland Posts: 2,468, Reputation: 496
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    #5

    Apr 6, 2007, 07:51 AM
    It is posts like yours that show me how how out of step and old-fashioned I truly am. I shudder when I read posts (and this forum is full of them) of how people meet up and within a few weeks are having sex then tell the group how miserable and confused they are.

    I believe casual sex often gives one of the parties involved the wrong impression of the relationship. That there is more to the relationship than there really is. Usually this happens with the woman. I guess it is somewhat heartening to realize men don't like to feel used, either.

    The only advice I could pass along would be for future relationships. Make sure you know the person before jumping in so quickly. I believe sex should be a celebration of shared emotion, not just something that feels good. (There's my old-timey self popping up, again.) I will give the disclaimer that I only have my marriage and a lifetime of observing friends, family and co-workers to go by.

    She may be avoiding you simply because she cannot communicate well. I would guess if she has avoided you this long then it is time to move on.
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    ljcremer's Avatar
    ljcremer Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Apr 6, 2007, 08:33 AM
    Hi Emland

    With Intimate I did not mean having sex, I meant a lot of kissing etc.

    What I do not understand is why she would just leave it without telling me what is going on? Why would woman do that?
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    pricej's Avatar
    pricej Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Apr 6, 2007, 08:55 AM
    You want to know WHY a woman would just start ignoring you out of nowhere, could very possibly be that she has found someone else and either does not know how to tell you because she does not want to hurt you or maybe she does not want you to know in case it does not work with her and the new guy. If she suddenly starts dropping you because she has other plans, and is not telling you what they are, then it is probably another man. You have tried to contact her, and she is not answering your phone calls, or calling you back, and the times you did talk, she seemed very disinterested (from what you said). In other words, she is done with you, and it is time for you to move on. If she contacts you later and gives you a plausible explanation for her actions, them go from there, but for now you should just let it go.
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    Emland's Avatar
    Emland Posts: 2,468, Reputation: 496
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    #8

    Apr 6, 2007, 09:34 AM
    Sorry I jumped to conclusions! I interpreted "intimate" as sex.

    Well then, if the case is that after 6 weeks of hanging out and kissing and all she no longer returns you call it is fairly certain she has determined you are not what she is looking for. So many people just don't have the decency to say it out loud to your face. I am guessing she thinks she is sparing your feelings when the result is she is causing you confusion and hurt feelings.

    You sound like a young fellow, move on and find another girl that shares your interests and appreciates you for the fellow you are.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,764, Reputation: 10741
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    #9

    Apr 6, 2007, 12:39 PM
    I think you were more into her than she was into you.
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    Stunning07's Avatar
    Stunning07 Posts: 193, Reputation: 25
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    #10

    Apr 6, 2007, 01:01 PM
    Affacuation
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    ljcremer's Avatar
    ljcremer Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Apr 7, 2007, 02:59 AM
    Thanks everyone for the advice! Not really what I was hoping for but anyways;)

    I would still like to know what actually happened because how are you supposed to learn anything from this if you don't know what went wrong or why she changed her mind.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,764, Reputation: 10741
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    #12

    Apr 7, 2007, 04:35 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ljcremer
    Thanks everyone for the advice! Not really what I was hoping for but anyways;)

    I would still like to know what actually hapened because how are you supposed to learn anything from this if you don't know what went wrong or why she changed her mind.
    What you do is up to you, but we are trying to save you some pain because whatever went wrong will rip your heart out, and you still won't understand. We never do till later when reality has hit us, and we start to get over the shock, and the emotions have calmed down and we can think rationally. Tell the truth right now all you want is to let her know your feelings and please baby take me back.
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    Emland's Avatar
    Emland Posts: 2,468, Reputation: 496
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    #13

    Apr 9, 2007, 08:24 AM
    I guess I am at a loss for what you are looking for in an answer. Dating is all about meeting people and seeing if they are a fit with your values, sense of fun, chemistry, etc.

    Since this experience only lasted a few weeks you are spared a great deal of heartache. Sometimes you have to realize that you did nothing wrong - the other person just didn't see you as a fit for them.

    Going by your posts, you are a sensitive and thinking person. Go out there and find someone to compliment your qualities and don't waste time worrying over the shallow twits that can't even bother to return a phone call.
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    ljcremer's Avatar
    ljcremer Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Apr 9, 2007, 01:21 PM
    Thanks for the advice everyone. It definitely helps talking to others regarding this.

    I have decided today that I will leave her one more message telling her how I feel and that I would like to see her one more time. I know it is probably not the best for me but I think it is worth the risk. At least I know I have tried and if this does not go any further it is not because I haven't tried.

    One thing I need some advice on. While I was overseas I bought her a gift. It was not that expensive but it was not cheap either. I am not going to use it and I don't want to give gifts to someone it wasn't bought for. I would like to send it to her with a mutual friend with a short note saying good bye if she has not called in a few days. She can do whatever she want with it. I don't really care. Is that a very bad idea? I do not want to sound desperate but what am I going to do with it anyway?
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    Emland's Avatar
    Emland Posts: 2,468, Reputation: 496
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    #15

    Apr 9, 2007, 01:28 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ljcremer
    One thing I need some advice on. While I was overseas I bought her a gift. It was not that expensive but it was not cheap either. I am not going to use it and i don't want to give gifts to someone it wasn't bought for. I would like to send it to her with a mutual friend with a short note saying good bye if she has not called in a few days. She can do whatever she want with it. I don't really care. Is that a very bad idea? I do not want to sound desperate but what am i going to do with it anyways?

    I guess it depends on how personal it is. You could always donate it to charity or leave it at a nursing home and ask the desk to give it to the next person having a birthday.

    Ebay is always an option, too. I don't really see giving it to her if she doesn't return the affection.
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    maka's Avatar
    maka Posts: 39, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Apr 24, 2007, 02:00 PM
    She has another guy... but does not want to hurt your feelings by saying so... why? My guess would be that if it doesn't work out with this guy, she'll have you to fall back on, and because you've been trying desparately to contact her, it affirms that you're still in the background. Some women love this kind of attention, it makes them feel "in charge". And if she does start to come around, calling you back, rest assured that when you do ask why she was being like that she'll say either "let's not talk about that, or, that's the past-leave it there"... and she'll do it again. *Move on sweetness... you're better than that.*
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    sam00's Avatar
    sam00 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Dec 23, 2009, 03:48 AM
    Well... Did you fiend out what had happened with this girl?
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