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New Member
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Jul 12, 2010, 11:05 PM
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Why does my girlfriend love me but doesn't want to be committed?
Ok, so my girlfriend and I have been going out for awhile and I am madly in love with her, no doubt in my mind, and I know she loves me as much as I love her ( she told me that if she could have said goodbye to her mom before she died, which she did, or bye to me, she would say bye to me). But for some reason, she tells me that she wants to take a break because she feels scared that she will cheat on me behind my back, like flirt or kiss some one, and she would rather it happen not behind my back. And I'm fine with this for mayb a week or two, but I'm afraid that she will keep doing this every once in a while, and it makes me feel not good enough for her. We still do the same things that we would do if we were a couple, say I love you and kiss and you know, and I told her if she needed space, I would give her it but she says no, this is her problem and not mine. Its all very confusing even to me, but do you think she will keep doing this every once in awhile? I can barly take it one time, help!
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Junior Member
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Jul 12, 2010, 11:20 PM
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She told you why. She wants the girlfriend benefits with single girl freedom. You are going to have to break it off with her if you don't like the new set up. You are going to fall deeper for her while she gets close to someone else. Run! Tell her if you want my time and affection then I want to be the only man you are giving affection to, and if she can't agree then find someone else or just hang out with your friends. I know it is hard to do when you are in love. But it is a big difference with having hurt feelings and feeling powerful versus having hurt feelings and feeling punked.
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Expert
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Jul 13, 2010, 09:34 AM
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She told you straight to your face she may want to cheat. Sure your happy without a title because she still gives you attention, but she is free to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, with whomever she wants, without guilt because there is no commitment. Neither is there one on you either. You can do the same thing, but don't think your in an exclusive, committed relationship, because your NOT. Your like friends with benefits, and when something else more interesting comes along, you both are free to explore.
Are you okay with that? Leave her alone if you are NOT!!
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Ultra Member
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Jul 13, 2010, 09:44 AM
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I once had a friend who did something similar to this. Anytime she would go out with a guy, her and her boyfriend would magically be broken up allowing her to kiss and flirt with the new guy.
This girl is confusing and obviously not wanting to be in an actual relationship where respect is involved. She is totally walking all over you, and you're allowing it.
It should be you and only you. She shouldn't even be thinking about kissing another guy let alone wanting to break up with you to do it.. Not to mention string you along by saying "I love you more then my dying mother.." Really?
If some random girl did that you, would you put up with it? Or would you say bye-bye?
I'm afraid she's got you by the balls ;) Time to lay down the law. If she doesn't want to follow your rules, then she has no business being with you. Let her tramp around.
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Jul 13, 2010, 10:00 PM
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Sorry OP but this girls wants to have her cake and eat it, and you need to tell her straight its us or its not. Don't settle for second rate treatment, stand your ground, or you'll become her doormat in no time at all, don't allow yourself to be used, she's keeping you as a spare.
Command respect or get treated like dirt. You choose.
What's her name "Quality Street" made for sharing!? Or 7 UP.
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Emotional Health Expert
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Jul 14, 2010, 06:47 AM
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This isn't about her. This is about you.
Clearly, as the others have said, she wishes a relationship with you on her terms, when she feels like it. When she doesn't feel like it, she'll let you go a while, while she explores other men to see if there is somebody else that interests her.
You wait in the wings, putting yourself on hold, while she has her 'space', and like a little puppy dog, come running when she throws you a few crumbs.
This is not love, and it has nothing to do with a commitment, on her part. I has to do with you being blind to the obvious.
She has shown you the type of person she is. It won't work out having three way relationships. Her, you, and whoever else she decides to be with at the time.
Where is your pride? Have you allowed yourself to stoop so low that you cannot see past your feelings, and see the cold hard truth?
She's in, or she's out. There is no middle ground in a relationship. It's you, or it isn't you, and clearly, you are on the back burner, simmering...
Love is built upon a foundation of trust, commitment, and putting the needs of your partner ahead of your own. It's about building from that foundation, and building a future, one block at a time. It is not about tearing down what you've accomplished together, and at her whim, start building again. It will never be a stable foundation.
My advice to you, is to let her go. Find someone with compatible goals who is willing to be in a relationship for the long haul.
She is already half way out the door. I'd be leading her out, changing the locks, and learning enough from the experience, that you won't find yourself in the same boat ever again.
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Ultra Member
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Jul 14, 2010, 07:04 AM
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Red. Flag.
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