Have a little bit of issue with my boyfriend ex, they have a 3 yr old togther, she left him when the child was 6 months, on his own for 2 and half yrs having access to the child 2 days a week(which on those days I don't see him nor have I met the child, been with him 6 months) we have to plan our hols when she says we can, if she goes away, we can go the next week, so it does not mess her week up, she calls every time he's with me,they argue all the time it beging to drive me nuts, what ever she says he does, its like I have to arrange my life round her, I object being told that I can go away with my partner when she says its OK, is this how it should be, when my child was little my ex partner would just come and get her as and when it was arranged the weekend before, there was none of his arguing, I am I wasting my time, in the last 6 months nothing has changed, she has got even more demanding if anything...

his ex and his child is his business.

don't get involved,you won't win any prizes.

his first concern is his child,and that's how it should be,many times men don't want to see their child and its very difficult.

not all,many men fight tooth and nail for access and their rights to see their child.

you have a man who values his time with his child,that's a good man,and if you both continue to see each other and down the road have a child of your own you know what kind of father he will be.

keep your head,don't get involved,you have only been dating for 6 months,not a lot of time really.

keep your relationship fun and easy,let him talk if he wants too,his ex and child are going to be around for a long long time.

try and find a way to separate your relationship from their relationship.

if access has not been set up by the courts,perhaps he may consider this as a course of action for some clarity on access without a constant row.

Yes, I do try and keep it all seprate, which a the mo is OK, cause I have my own place and so does he, but he wants us to live together, which would mean the child being at the house with us both, this worrys me a lot as he has said that I would have to meet the ex and I really don't want too, he won't go to court cause he gets more access now and does not want less.
If we stay living sepratly then I think this is the beter option as I would not be involved with the ex or the child, and then it will not affect me more then what it is at present.

You have a good approach to the living situation,and I totally agree that its too soon to even consider such a huge step.

Its also too soon in my opinion to meet his child,children can become very confused when another person is introduced into their life as moms new boyfreind or dads new girlfriend.

When your relationship is very serious and you both have a strong foundation with long term plans,that's the time to introduce the child and ex.

Stick to your guns with the living arrangements.

I can't give you any advice on the access side of things,but if you post a question directly related to his access arrangements in the family law section,someone there will be able to advice you.

Let him know your feelings and point out you don't want to rush things but have a good strong foundation for your future,let him know your not ready to meet his ex or his child.

It's a lot of responsibility to take on and one not to enter lightly,and although this may sound selfish its not,you can say its not fair on the child when you two are still getting to know each other,put the child's welfare first and you can't go wrong.

Its difficult when your kind of stuck in the middle and your plans are sometimes dictated by someone else,but that's the downside of dating a man or women with children and an ex.

It's a package deal.

If it gets too much for you,don't feel bad about ending the relationship,if your not ready your not ready and no one can blame you for walking away.

The child is his responsibility.

Another thing to remember is,you(ie, girlfriends/boyfriends) tend to fall in love with children,and they with you,if the relationship does not work out,its so unfair on the child because they don't understand.

Thank you, I would agree with all the above, I have said the issue would be getting attached to the child her to me etc, I made that clear from the strt, my girls are all grown up, so to me its going to hard to go back to young children, the other issue is I have had my womb removed, I have kept away from little children since then, he understands his, but is sooo keen on us building a future, I have put the moving in question off for now, said we are just not ready for this.. I want a strong clear focus on it all before I can move forward.
Your advise has been welcomed and taken on board, thank you.

You sound like you have things in hand.

Keep an eye on your thread as other posters will offer advice also which you may find helpful and beneficial.

I think your already handling things quite well.