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natlee22 · May 13, 2012, 06:55 AM

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and practically lived together since the first month of meeting. He is 34 and I'm 23. Problem is since I can remember he has never been affectionate toward me. No kissing me first, not even a peck! We don't snog (kiss with tongues) ever he says he don't really like it, when I've tried it with him its like he don't even know how to so its useless! I've never had this problem before I've always been spoiled with affection from previous relationships.

We don't really have a lot of sex problem, once or twice a week. When we do have sex there is no foreplay so no kissing touching or anything so I find it a little uncomfortable to begin with. I've spoke to him about it and he says all his exes have said the same thing about him but no real answer as to why he don't like kissing or doing foreplay on me.

I'm just helpless and I don't feel like I'm fully appreciated as a woman being in a relationship without those things. He watches porn and jerks off too but I guess men do that? Anyone with any advice as the thought of him maybe being gay has crossed my mind a few times also.

DoulaLC · May 13, 2012, 07:17 AM

Some people are just more physical, and outwardly affectionate, than others. It sounds as though your needs for physical contact are simply different from his. Now you need to find a way to compromise so that both of you are comfortable and getting what you need.

The next time things start to heat up, slow it down. Spend time kissing and touching him. Take your time, and let the intimacy build. You take control of the foreplay and show him how it can be done. Maybe he is just not comfortable or confident in his skills.

If he is not comfortable with showing affection in public, give him a quick kiss before you get out of the car, and just take his hand once in awhile. Briefly rub his back or arm a bit when standing in a line. Put your arm through his when sitting in the movies. These kinds of small things may help to satisfy your need for touch and affection, and they may help him to become a little more comfortable with it as well.

natlee22 · May 13, 2012, 07:46 AM

Thanks for your advice Doula I will try it out, I did wonder if it was purely because he didn't know how to do these things but with his age and stream of ex gfs I just thought couldn't be.

In pub lic though he grabs my all the time in front of people and his mum and everybody it gets really annoying acts a little silly in public I usually end up embarressed?!

talaniman · May 13, 2012, 06:30 PM

He is who he is, but once you let fears or insecurity creep into your thinking (Is he gay?), then it eats away at you.

I believe you get better results from talking, listening, exploring, and experimenting, than speculating, and assuming. Keep talking, as he has been this way with all the others, and now you.