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    Why am I so jealous and possessive?

    Asked Jan 1, 2006, 09:16 PM 10 Answers
    I am extremely jealous whenever my boyfriend talks to other girls that I don't know, or even some that I do know, and like. I am also constantly worrying that I am not attractive enough for him, or at least not anymore. I have gained a lot of weight since we first knew each other, but every time I bring up that I have gained weight, he denies this and says I'm being ridiculous. He tells me that I am beautiful all over, and quite often. (But I get so jealous because I know it is impossible even when you're dating to not find other people attractive, like strangers. But that is not the case for me, I hardly find other people attractive at all, all my attention is focused on him, he is the only person I find attractive.) But I am still worried that if he goes away to another college in another city, he will find someone else, or be unfaithful to me. I do know that he loves me very much, and that he has been in love with me for a very long time, maybe even all over again when we got back together five months ago.

    Also, I seem to have not gotten over the fact that he dated someone I was barely friends with, who I stopped being friends with because she pursued him while we were just beginning to be friends. (Me and my boyfriend had been broken up, but got back together after they had been dating for almost five months.) I read her old on-line journal sometimes, and it makes me very upset, since she was very doting on him and vice versa (not saying he isn't with me), she has not deleted it, which I'm sure she did to torture me. (She created a new one soon after they broke up.) I am not sure who to be mad at. They do hate each other quite a bit, particularly because he lied to her about how he felt about me (he still had strong feelings for me while they were dating, which is what lead him back to me a little while before they broke up). She still mentions him sometmies in her new journal, but also mentions her ex-boyfriend from a year ago; I'm thinking she does this because she was too heavily obsessed with the both of them. I know he does not have feelings for her at all now, but I see what he wrote about her back then, and sometimes my confidence in him sways, and I think that he only came back to me because I was his only option. (We have known each other for almost two years now, the first time we dated it was for almost nine months.)

    How do I help myself get over these things? Am I being foolish?
    I'm not sure how to feel.

    I just found out from a girl that used to talk to him during the two weeks before we started dating again than while they were talking on-line, the subject of nude pictures came up. She was with a friend, and so they found a fake picture of someone nude, blurred out the face, and sent it to him. He told her she had nice boobs. He had told me not that long ago that she had sent him naked pictures, and she looked fat in them. I don't know who to believe, but I don't care which of them is telling the truth, it still makes me upset, even if he wasn't attracted to her, just the fact that he told her that. I want to bring it up, but at the same time I know that would be stupid to bring something up from almost half a year ago.

    I NEED MORE ADVICE, this is killing me.

    Last edited by c7c7; Jan 2, 2006 at 03:59 AM.
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    10 Answers
    SoulMate05's Avatar
    SoulMate05 Posts: 19, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 1, 2006, 10:28 PM
    Just Try
    Hello, I hope that maybe this will help you a bit but it might not. This is my opinion so you don't have to take it. Jealousy in a relationship is the worst thing that you can do in a relationship. So he had a good time with his ex-girlfriend.. So what! That was the past and your in the NOW! Don't think about old flames, think about what you have with him now. Who cares if she has stuff in her journal written about him that's what happens with exes you can't change what happened in the past with them. She probably isn't even doing it on purpose... maybe she really loved the guy and felt something with him as you do. Give girls some credit not everyone is trying to steal your guy away... and another thing stop being so jealous or your relationship might take a turning on a different road that you might not like... hope this helps... good luck!
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,930, Reputation: 674
    Ultra Member

    Jan 2, 2006, 06:49 AM
    Hi, c7c7,
    So sorry to read this. Jealously is something that can break up marriages, break up boyfriends/girlfriends, and on and on.
    The first step in overcoming it is to admit there is a problem. You have taken that first step in posting a question here!
    Here is a link:

    There are many, many links on the web, about how to overcome jealously.
    You might also have to buy a book, available at Walmarts, book stores, concering overcoming jealousy.
    One of the big things to overcome is the feeling that you are not attractive... it's called gaining self-confidence. You can have anyone you want! The one you want is a man/boy who respects you, is honest and truthful with you, and cares for you.
    All of us have things in our past we would rather forget. Don't hold anything from the past against anyone. Respect is something that should be showed to anyone; until such time they show they don't deserve it, if they ever do.
    Try to do better, and be trusting. Buy a book on Jealously, and learn what to do, to make life better.
    I do wish you the best of luck.
    nymphetamine's Avatar
    nymphetamine Posts: 900, Reputation: 109
    Senior Member

    Jan 2, 2006, 09:16 AM
    Unless you have firm evidence or the man tells you he cheated do not be so jealous. Being overly jealous will cause someone to want to cheat on you. Don't pay any attention to what those girls are telling you. They probably know how you feel and are trying to play on that. Unless you find any reason to believe your man is doing anything wrong just be more trusting of him. Don't get jealous over nit picky stuff.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,473, Reputation: 760
    Uber Member

    Jan 2, 2006, 09:07 PM
    How does he behave when talking to other women? Does he ignore you, become flirtatious with them or get more affectionate than is appropriate? If so, then you've got a serious red flag to be concerned about. Furthermore, it sounds as if your entire relationship has been somewhat on-again, off-again with no real substance or commitment. I'm not sure that there's any real future here, just from the sound of your post. You may want to rethink this one very carefully before getting any more involved. You may be investing much more time and emotional energy than is justified in this case. At the very least, backing off may be a way of getting him to start paying more attention to you and that's never a bad thing.
    sovaira's Avatar
    sovaira Posts: 271, Reputation: 10
    Full Member

    Oct 14, 2007, 09:15 AM
    Hay c7c7

    Here you must listen to what Aristotle said, I don't remember the exact saying but it was something regarding rumours... thta if someone comes up to you and says bad about someone ,don't ever believe it... SO PPLEASE STOP LISTENING AND BURNING UP YOU ENERGIES TO THINK ON STUPID RUMOURS YOU HEARD ABOUT YOUR GUY...

    LETS now come to your guy and his talking to other girl about her boobs and stuff... oh come on lady,be mature enough, even if your guy admired someone's body then what's bad in it. You go and admire people too. See think very very maturely we can't just stick to one person and stop talking to others... same goes for guy .let him make friends and talk to others as well.

    ABOUT GUYS: (Listen all girl here)

    1- never restrict your guy... as ask him not to do that ,don't go there or don't talk to him or her.

    2- trust him until you know that he loves you and will marry you and shut your ears to what others say about him... if something serious or witnessed then becareful too... but simply what relation or love requires the most is TRUST.

    3-do talk to him if there is some misunderstanding otherwise if you don't this can raise a hatchet and can harm your own relation.

    Best of luck. Keep giving feedback.
    Helpful (2)
    mbskng54's Avatar
    mbskng54 Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Mar 16, 2008, 10:14 AM
    A good book I read was "Captivating-Unlocking the beauty of a woman's soul". In it she talks about feeling as though we're too much and at the same time, not enough. I saw myself in your posting. I got tired of the embarrassment I would feel when my insecurities consumed me. I've got a lot of issues and they always rear their ugly heads when I get into a relationship. This is a major reason that I have not been in a relationship for 7 years. Maybe I shouldn't even respond to your posting, but I do wish you success whichever way you go.
    sovaira's Avatar
    sovaira Posts: 271, Reputation: 10
    Full Member

    Mar 16, 2008, 01:23 PM
    Will you tell more about yourself ?
    mbskng54's Avatar
    mbskng54 Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Mar 18, 2008, 06:59 PM
    What exactly would you like to know? I'm 54 and actually contentedly single. I suffer from a poor self image due to a lot of reasons. I really don't care to put a lot of personal items out there for just anyone, so maybe we can exchange email addresses. I currently live in Central Illinois. I've suffered from a lot of negative self talk, mostly due to the choices I've made in relationships over the years. In my 40's I suffered through several relationships as I just knew I had to find someone because I didn't want to be alone. I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired and decided that I was tired of going to bed at night frustrated and angry. If I lay my head down on a pillow at night and can't sleep, I know that it's not over a man. I was looking for Mr. Perfect and had expectations that were not just unfair to him, but also myself.
    I would definitely recommend you locate the book "Captivating-Revealing the Beauty of a Woman's Soul". I was amazed at how perceptive the Author was. I have a Christian background and she brings out how many attributes God instilled in a woman that represent the true characteristics of His own heart and love for me. It is a truly beautiful book. I look forward to talking with you again. Take care.
    christinapride's Avatar
    christinapride Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 30, 2009, 05:01 PM
    I am exactly the same as you, and am really worried all of the time because I feel as though my boyfriend is cheating on me. I need to stop feeling this way and move on. We dated along time ago, and he cheated on me. He was and is my only love. So now I am so crazy and freak out every time he looks or some other hootchi momma looks at him. I hate being so jealous, but I can't seem to turn it off. Help me! I don't want our relationship to end over me and my stupid thoughts. I need help!!
    kitty23100's Avatar
    kitty23100 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Nov 6, 2009, 12:33 PM
    I just found this page... I see the question above is a little old, but I too suffer from a horrible ex experience,, and am extremely jelous... when me and my boyfrined go out in I don't enjoy my time with him, istead I'm constantly watching that he's not texting or trying to check another woman out, I hate it, I hate that I am this way, and its destroyed what little relationship we had, I don't know that it will repair from here, but I'm still seeking advice on how to overcome my jelousy.I read what SoulMate05 had to say... and its so true,, the past is the past and take it from me, some girls are spiteful mean people who will go to great lenghs to destroy a relationship. I try to keep my stories to myself, but some even try witchcraft and other nasty things to hurt people. So if you truly in your heart believe you man loves you and deep inside you feel you can trust him, then all should be forgotten. I wish I could take my own advice, I'm daily haounted with my own past and what me and my man went through, the ride he took me on. But what I don't see is that today he is still here, he chooser me and stands by me. He's apologized and done what he can to keep me happy. But I'm so stuck on what he did that what he does now is meaningless, and that still I can't forget. I'm trying so hard,, if anyone has advice for me, id love to hear it. And id like to know what happened in this relationship of yours.

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