This is just a hypothetical question. Many times I see that when you are dating someone it just turns serious before both parties are ready for that. Whether it is due to a period together or because one person brings up marriage or kids or some type of future together.

I do notice a recurring theme on this thread and I guess my situation was similar but I don't want to really incorporate me too much because I wanted this thread more general.

But for me I was always against something serious and kept moving slow and the woman took it serious and when she finally got me closer to her level was where it became hard and the smothering entered where both of us felt like we knew we had each other and became not as fun.

So my point is when that happens when your partner brings it up how do you combat that without coming across as a piece of crap and keep it moving at a slower pace. Because once you take it too serious is when it is hard to keep the relationship going unless there is true love and even then nothing is forever. It takes work.

My answer to this poster I think would be when the man or woman brings it up to maybe take it with a grain of salt and not shoot it down but give that no care attitude to a point. Because it will keep your partner at bay and show them that they don't have you as much as they thought they did. But still it is difficult

<<My answer to this poster I think would be when the man or woman brings it up to maybe take it with a grain of salt and not shoot it down but give that no care attitude to a point. Because it will keep your partner at bay and show them that they don't have you as much as they thought they did. But still it is difficult>>


?! Aren't you the poster?
Take it with a grain of salt? Usually that's what relationships are for i.e. to lead to a future. Why be in a relationship if you are not wanting a future?
What age are you? This crap might be fine for <25s

If it is one thing I wish people going into relationships would state instead of leading someone into false hopes is...

I am wanting to just have fun and enjoy your company, however I am nowhere near ready to settle down with anyone.

If only people would make that clear as soon as they see feelings developing from the other person.

Rol, first off I was just posting and trying to answer my own question as to how I would respond.

Secondly, I am 23 and in no desire to settle down anytime soon. Some people are in the stages of their life where the future is closer. But if you count up all the posters on this site, the majority of them would fall in a category of 25 or under which is the number I am using since you threw it out there. The ones responding to all these posters have a wealth of knowledge and experience and that is why they can help more than someone who hasn't been down those roads.

Anyway back to the question, high school relationship and college relationships do sometimes lead to marriage but that is too few and far between. Both partners rarely want the same thing when it comes to how serious the relationship becomes and they both may be in agreement at some point and take it there but that is when it seems the problems start to arise because now you know there might be a future with this person so you take them for granted or you may not work as hard as you did during the courtship. You may smother them and spend all your time with them because you feel you are going to marry this guy or girl so why should you hang out with anyone else.

As wildcats always says make her a part of your life not your whole life. This post was to generate responses as to how to keep it at bay until you are ready. And sometimes you may never be ready then you are basically using the girl.

<<Secondly, I am 23 and in no desire to settle down anytime soon>>

So tell that to the girl when you first meet her and make it clear! Otherwise yes you are just using the girl!!

Its hard for two people to work together when they don't know who they are or what they want from life. Kids have kids relations and adults have adult relations.

Tal very good point... makes a lot of sense and why many relationships fail

But rol it just isn't that simple the way you put. It would be great but you just never know and sometimes younger people get fooled into thinking this person is the one before they truly know what they want. Then when the breakup happens they are caught off guard and always that same person back before they even figured out what core values their person they will spend the rest of their lives with needs to have beyond just looking good, physical part is good and you have fun. There are so many other factors at that age normally people don't want that because they don't even know where to begin.

But yes if it is brought up and you aren't ready for anything serious you need to tell the person. But I know most men would rather not because they feel the physical part would go away. That is where the comes in. Sometimes the more honest you are you may find out the other person feels the same way.