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    teastalk's Avatar
    teastalk Posts: 299, Reputation: 21
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    #1

    Feb 25, 2009, 12:19 PM
    When an Ex comes back and the Relationship Breaks up Again
    Why does it hurt the second time around when the ex comes back and the relationship breaks up again? Shouldn't it hurt less this time around?
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
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    #2

    Feb 25, 2009, 12:32 PM

    It hurt more for me (second time)... once it breaks down for the second time, I think you TRULY realize that it is OVER... for good. The first time brings upon that, "Oh..we will get back together thing." The second time, you still think that, as you are denial, but when it doesn't happen, you really hit rock bottom.

    It is like being shot, letting the wound heal, then taking a knife and reopening that same wound.

    This is just my experience though. I am sure others have a different take on it. You can't use the word "should" or "shouldn't" in these situations either... it all depends on how YOU handle it.
    slapshot_oi's Avatar
    slapshot_oi Posts: 1,537, Reputation: 589
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    #3

    Feb 25, 2009, 01:24 PM

    I thought it was easier the second time because, like kctiger said, that's when you know it's over. I couldn't even convince myself it would work again, and I still think that way. We won't change and we just bring out the worst in one another.

    It's still a lousy feeling, but it's one you can shake easier than if you weren't sure how your ex felt about you.

    EDIT
    Come to think of it, I reconnected three or four times with girls I dated or had some sort of history with. The second time around always reminded me why we didn't jive in the first place, and now that I know I can be their friend or forget about them completely and it won't make a difference. But, there is one I'm still unsure of...
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #4

    Feb 25, 2009, 01:27 PM

    I agree, second time is when you realize it just won't work anymore
    teastalk's Avatar
    teastalk Posts: 299, Reputation: 21
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    #5

    Feb 25, 2009, 06:34 PM

    I would feel better if I knew why we didn't work out in the first place.
    UnluckyDucky's Avatar
    UnluckyDucky Posts: 210, Reputation: 110
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    #6

    Feb 25, 2009, 06:48 PM
    I would feel better if I knew why we didn't work out in the first place.
    When we get hurt trhough a break up we are so concerned about the "Why" that we forget to look at the "Why Not?". From what I remember from reading about your whole situation through your other posts, your relationship was far from healthy with you being mistreated on several different levels by your ex.

    Try shifting perspective on your situation - once you come to the realizations that can be gained it will make you feel much better than ever than finding out the real answer to "Why".
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
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    #7

    Feb 25, 2009, 06:55 PM

    Well you never should have done it, you know that the second time round.
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #8

    Feb 25, 2009, 07:16 PM

    Pain is pain... maybe it feels worse the second time around because now you are kicking yourself for allowing it to happen again.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Feb 26, 2009, 08:19 AM

    The others are right hurt misery and pain sucks, but that's what break ups are about.

    It just never gets easier no matter how many times you go through it.

    Twice with the same person, is one to many though.
    zeeniee's Avatar
    zeeniee Posts: 341, Reputation: 63
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    #10

    Feb 26, 2009, 02:28 PM

    For me it was more hurtful the second time round, as when we got back together- I really placed a lot of effort and heart in sorting things out- which we did- only for him to make a lousey same mistake and to watch the relationship fall again- a million times harder... iguess I tried hard to make the changed for the better- the ex did not make that level of effort and just took things for granted... it hurts more as you realise it is so over - all that effort for what? Could have spent that time with another person who would have valued me more.
    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
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    #11

    Feb 26, 2009, 02:36 PM

    I always thought the heart break hurt worse the time you are in it... kindof like childbirth, the further you are from the event, the less likely you remember how painful the experience, time has dulled that pain.

    So every heartbreak hurts the worse when it is fresh.
    teastalk's Avatar
    teastalk Posts: 299, Reputation: 21
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    #12

    Feb 26, 2009, 02:46 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by UnluckyDucky View Post
    Try shifting perspective on your situation - once you come to the realizations that can be gained it will make you feel much better than ever than finding out the real answer to "Why".
    I'm not sure what you mean by this. I want to shift my perspective, but can you please explain more? I am not understanding, Thank you!
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