Ok, so a few nights ago, I finally had the courage to tell this girl I liked her. I liked her for so long and the response was neutral. We hanged out for a couple hours, we went to her house and hanged with her family etc. When we drove back to my house that night, I confessed my feelings to her. She was extremely flattered when I told her. She told me she was previously in a abusive relationship with her ex boyfriend that's she's be going out with close to 3 years. And he's a high school football player who thinks he's strong hot stuff(what else is new) and a few weeks ago, her ex and his best friend drove to her house and trashed her bedroom(her parents weren't home when that happened). She only told this to me a few of her closest friends. That must mean something right if she only told this people close to her? She now has a restraining order against her ex boyfriend because of that incident. Anyway I confessed me feelings towards her and I can't really remember exactly what she said but she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now because of all that **** her ex boyfriend made her go through. Plus she went out with him for 3 years so I can understand that. If I remember correctly, I remember she said "when were older" so I don't know if that means like 10 years from now or later this year we can be together or what. So basically what it comes down to is I seriously have a chance with her right? She told me herself she still wants to hang out. But I don't know what else to do/say you know? I want to text her but I don't what to text her and I don't want to bother her. I don't know how long I should wait. Do you think when Christmas comes, should I buy her a gift? If she wants to wait till she has another serious relationship, do you think I should buy her a christmas gift, send a card etc. so she knows how much I really care for her? Tips would be most helpful! Thanks!

Dude it's August relax on the Christmas gift. Look if you like this girl and maybe she likes you I don't know but take it slow. She is telling you this stuff (don't want to be in a relationship, abusive ex, restraining order etc... ) because she wants you to be aware of what is happening in her life. Just be her friend take it slow and see if a relationship evolves from that. The last thing she wants to think about is her crazy ex finding out she has a new boy friend and him losing his Sh*t and hurting her or you.

Breath, by Christmas she could well be back with the football dude, since that is cool in high school.

The fact she was hanging with you should be it for now, just cool it and see if she hangs with you again.

The fact she did not call the police when her ex and friend, broke into her home and trashed her room shows she may still have feeling there, since that is what people do when their home is broke into and things destroyed.

She did call the police and that's how the whole restraining order happened. So that ship has sailed for her with ex. Im going to be a colllege freshman this year and she's going to be a senior in high school. We have no plans on leaving our hometown for college so that's good I guess. And I understand when you go to college you meet new people blah, blah, blah but if it's serious at all, it will mean something.

Yes the ship has sailed on romance, and for you, its not a good idea hanging out as friends, waiting for her to decide to give you a chance for romance. Disappointing, but at least you know to look elsewhere for a girl friend, and not waste time trying to make one that isn't ready to be one.

That's why she told you her story, so you can make a choice to just be friends, or not. Forget the Christmas gift, friend, and I highly suggest you to make female friends for fun, NOT romance. At least have some fun, focus on social skills, and make friends.

I would suggest just being HER friend, she needs a good friend right now, but I doubt seriously if you can control your feelings enough not to get carried away, or see being nice to you as a signal of her feeling as you do. So I highly suggest you change your focus, and not make this as having a chance with her, as that will easily become an obsession, that will make you miserable. She is in the healing process, so let her heal. Leave her alone if you cannot be a good friend, without expectations for more. That's selfish, and a waste of time.

Sorry guy, reality bites, but keep your head up, and be happy.

She already knows how you feel, so if she wanted something to happen, she will come to you.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with wanting to stay friends if you can handle "just" friends. If you're only staying friends with her in hopes that she's going to change her mind about you, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment, because you might be waiting for something that may never happen.

It's going to be a risk that you're going to have to take if you really like her. It's easy for us to tell you to move on and find someone else, but if you're not ready to give up on her, then don't. But just be prepared that you may never be with her as boyfriend and girlfriend.

I agree with the above posts. Let her decide, you live your live and let her live her while she sorts out her problems, don't let them become your problems as well. Try to be with someone else until this girl is ready to move on from being with someone who was abusive to her, at this point, if you become a friend, you will unfortunately lock yourself in the friend's zone, as everything will be harder after this.

Good Luck,
Javi

It's about 4 days now since I told her and I haven't been in contact with her yet. I still want to hang out with her but again I'm nervous to text her and I want to give her space. Im friends with some of her close friends. Do you think it would be weird if I asked one of her friends if all three of us want to hang out? I mean it would be less awkward you know? How long should I wait until we hang out or should I wait till she wants to hang out? Usually the guys have to do the talking and the planning right? I don't know, what do you guys think?

I think you have some fun without her for a while, to be honest, so you can get yourself under control.

You don't agree but don't say why, so let me just give you food for thought, and ask this question, why would you continue to pursue a female that has rejected you so hard? Think she will change her mind? How would you feel if she found someone else to hang out with, or date??

There was nothing about rejection and where the heck did you get that she rejected me so hard? Girls are mysterious. If you love someone and she's your inspiration, she's worth fighting for. That's what I believe in. How would I feel if she found someone else to hang out with, or date? Well considering the circumstances, I wouldn't mind if she hanged out with other guy friends and I know she won't be in a relationship for awhile from what she told me. Plus I told her everything how I feel and I can tell she might be considering it.

I think that if you want to be with her, you need to back off and leave her alone until she gets over her issues. Rushing this in the manner that you are planning on doing will only push her away further.

Good Luck,
Javi

Exactly! Thanks :)

"...she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now because of all that **** her ex boyfriend made her go through." This is a rejection. You should not make a female your inspiration, because then where do you go in case she rejects you as she has now, now you are just obsessed and she has her own problems to worry about. Like I said, live your live and find motivation within yourself, fighting for someone is OK, but not when that someone never wanted or never has been with you.

Good Luck,
Javi

Are you American? Is she American? She is no mystery, no more than any other human on the planet. What concerns me is your single minded idea to fight for her affection, during her time of healing, will distract you enough, not to see some very real red flags from her, and for YOU.

Fighting for her attention during her healing, because of your feelings may not be a balanced approach to learning about her. Your actions going forward will be based on your feelings, and no FACTS.

Its not that you want to fight for your love, its how, and you better make darn sure she feels as you do, and she does NOT. How can she, when she is in her healing period? And you have no clue how long that lasts do you? Of course you don't, because she doesn't, and you are already planning for Christmas.

I get that you want to be there when she does decide that her heart is ready to entertain her options, and opportunities, but being there as a friend, or emotional tampon will NOT guarantee romance. It never does. But all YOU see is your love, and fighting for it. That's what will keep facts from surfacing, and lead to assumptions, and presumptions.

Look back at how you have handled things before, and see if you have learned from your own past.

And romance is not a war, that a prize is won, but an agreement between two people who feel the same. So if you are fighting for her to have the same feelings as you do, or see her as a prize to be won, the chances of that happening are VERY SLIM, TO NONE.

That's why I ask about your ethnic background, as I suspect this is more than youthful inexperience. And at some point you will not only have to acknowledge her feelings, or be forced to concede to them.

Back up, and gather the facts. Fact number one, she is not your love, but you want her to be. Big difference between that and the way she feels, or WILL feel in the future.

Fact TWO, you are complete strangers to each other, and there is much to be revealed, and considered. That alone should make you cautious about fighting for a love that for now, ONLY YOU FEEL!

Make sense??

Thanks!