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    wrestling97girl's Avatar
    wrestling97girl Posts: 10, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Aug 8, 2018, 10:54 PM
    What should I say to her/ them?
    So I’m working at summer camp for the summer and my roommate here has a huge crush on a guy who she’s known for years and who I work with here some of the time ( I met them both 3 months ago when we started this job. The two of them hangout a lot and lately he’s been bugging her about who her camp crush is and she refuses to tell him because it’s him. In a few weeks this job ends and she is going home ( to the city where his parents also live which is around a three hour drive away from where I live ) but he is going back to university ( which is like a 4 hour plane ride away) so they will not see each other often ( only if he comes home on school breaks).

    So I want to hangout with them as her and I have become friends and when I work with him he reminds me a bit of my brothers and is becoming a friend not just coworker. Also when I’m off work often they seem to be the only people around to hangout with but I seem to be the third wheel sometimes and she keeps coming to me and telling me about what he said and how hard it is not telling him , we have had some nice chats and now she only wants to talk about him and I don’t know how to offer advice so it’s getting annoying , although it’s nice she is comfortable sharing with me. ( just listening and having no idea what to say) and I want to not just always have the conversation being her talking about him ( like it used to be before she shared to me that she loved him) She thinks he only thinks of her as a friend, it’s obvious to me that she loves him , that they know a lot about each other and he cares about her a lot.

    I think they should stay friends and that he should stop trying to get her to tell him who her camp crush is because it will eventually make her revel her feelings to him but then he will be leaving and they will not see each other for a while ( he is only starting year 2 of 4 for school and even then he might not move back to the city they both went to high school in that her/ her family and his family still live in afterwards). So it’s not fair to make her revel that right before leaving ( he’s not the type of person to let something go without a reason)

    I want to tell him that but then I would be breaking the trust of my roommate, and I want to tell her that I want to stay friends and talk/ hangout together without mentioning him ( so I get a chance to talk and we get to know more about each other) but I don’t know how to talk to her without sounding rude and I don’t know if I should even talk to him at all about her/ them. So I don’t know how to be supportive to my roommate when I have no experience/ advice with her problem and would rather talk about something else.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #2

    Aug 9, 2018, 03:15 AM
    It's none of your business in the sense that you don't get a vote in their future. So if you want to talk about something else, then talk about something else.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,136, Reputation: 10852
    Expert
     
    #3

    Aug 9, 2018, 07:44 AM
    She put you in her business, and your reaction to keep her friendship is to put up with her annoying yakkin about this person. It's not about HIM, nor your lack of experience it's all about YOU and her. First of all she is no friend but a selfish female colleague sucking up all the air with HER BS insecurities, and turning this into a one-sided unhealthy relationship that is both annoying and you allow it from FEAR of not having someone to hangout with. I know this may seem harsh but you have become her emotional tampon she is using, so there is nothing honest about it unless you tell her your tired of this soap opera she creates over a DUDE!

    Personally I leave such selfish users alone and would rather not hangout with them. At least be honest enough to tell her about YOUR feelings on her behavior, and see if she accepts it or not. That at least would be a chance for an honesty healthy relationship and you can let go of YOUR growing annoyance, and no doubt a growing resentment that will poison things anyway.

    You sure put up with a lot of unnecessary drama just to have hangout buddies. WHY?

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