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viditops1 · Aug 5, 2009, 12:12 AM

I have been in relation with this guy for exactly 3 years.He is very good,intelligent ,very practical and is studying in an mba college now.I am in job in the same city.Lately,I find myself doing all the things for him.I make all the dates,plans and spend money as well.It seems he is just content to spend little time with me,say 2 days in a week.Despite my job ,I have always made time for him.He says ,I should understand him and give him space as he is busy in studies.I feel so so tired all the time.I cry a lot in night and feel exhausted later in the workplace.
Can you please tell me how to pull back so that maybe he appreciates me more and start behaving actually like the guy in relationship.There is no question of him seeing other gal behind my back,I know this.I know he loves me but he is taking me a lot for granted.Studies are no excuse to treat some body so badly,I guess.

tickle · Aug 5, 2009, 03:58 AM

You have to stop being his doormat, is what you should do. You are right, he is taking you for granted and you are busy too. Its time to let him know just that and not be available. Everyone has to do their own chores, no matter busy or not. He has to learn that. You don't have to 'learn' anything, just find your backbone and stand up to him. It won't do him any harm, if he loves you it will bring him up short and take a good look.

Tick

artlady · Aug 5, 2009, 04:23 AM

You need to have a life that is separate from him.

Going out,meeting people,finding stimulating things that you like to do,for you to enhance your quality of life,your personal growth.

You can't be happy together unless you have learned how to be happy alone.

His studying sounds like a legitimate excuse for not having time.He is putting his studies first.

If he is being callous about it than that's a whole other issue.Then you put your foot down.You stop spending money,you stop making plans and tell him the ball is in his court.Your done giving to the relationship,its his turn.

Clingy is a very unattractive trait and there is nothing men detest more than a dependent clingy woman.
If you rely on someone else for your happiness ,you will be disappointed again and again.

Have a serious discussion about your relationship and discuss what your expectations are and be specific and allow him to do the same and then try to work on a compromise.

When all is said and done ,you need to be content with you first and foremost.Get out and have some fun instead of sitting home crying.You are only young once,don't waste a minute of it crying for what you can't have.Find what you can have and make the most of it.

I wish · Aug 5, 2009, 05:42 AM

Had to spread rep artlady.

It does sound like you are somewhat clingy. He already told you that he's going to be busy, so you can't expect him to put the effort that you might want. His program is very demanding. When he gets home from school, he has to do homework or study. Unlike us, who are in the working world, who doesn't have these things when we get home from work.

You chose to be in a relationship with him, so you have to accept his situation. Furthermore, you've been pulling all the weight in this relationship, he's just going to start taking you for granted.

You need to pull back and do your own thing. He's the one with the busy schedule, so let him come find you.

talaniman · Aug 5, 2009, 03:17 PM

.I make all the dates,plans and spend money as well.

Stop making all the dates, plans, and stop spending money. Be happy with what you do for yourself, and when he asks what's up, tell him, YOUR AS BUSY AS HE IS!

Both partners must pull their own weight, together.

CFZD · Aug 5, 2009, 07:14 PM

"He says ,I should understand him and give him space as he is busy in studies."

People can do MBA and work at the same time, still spend time with their friends! That's a lame excuse, he doesn't care about you as much as you about care him.

You need to be a bit tough, at least speak up to him ( not cry! ) about how you feel about it!

Never cry at night, girl! Stay up and fight!!