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    What should I do to get my boyfriend back?

    Asked May 2, 2007, 07:19 AM 60 Answers
    I've been dating my boyfriend for six years. Last night he broke up with me. This is how it all started. I have this guy that's in my english class and me and him always take the train together but me and him are just friends. I don't have any feelings for this guy. I look at him as a friend only. I always tell my boyfriend everything that's going on with me. He know that this guy is just a friend. But lately me and my boyfriend have been fighting a lot because I think he's cheating on me. Every time I call his house phone the line is always busy so I know that he's talking to someone else. But when I ask him who was he talking to when he calls me he's says his guy friend. I think he's lying because you don't talk to your guy friend for an hour. When I ask him is he cheating on me he tells me no that he loves me a lot. But I believe that he is talking to someone else on the phone. This Friday was bad I called him and the line was busy. He was talking to someone for an hour and thirty minutes. When he finally called me I asked him who was he speaking to he said his friend once again. But later when we started arguing he told that was speaking to a girl that his friend hook him up with, and they've been talking for two weeks now. I was so shock by this news, because he's been lying to me all this time telling me he's talking to his friend. He's always preaching about telling the true and being honest and look what he goes and do. When I asked him why is he doing this he told me why am I taking the train with that guy when I know has feeling for me. I don't like this guy me and him are just friends. When I am with this guy all I do is talk about my boyfriend and school work. Last night me and my boyfriend had argument. I asked him if he's cheating on me and he said no that he loves. We kept fighting on the phone and he told me that he wants to get off the phone and he'll call me when he wants to talk. But I didn't listen and I kept calling him every two second and he broke up with me. He told me that he needs his space. We always fight and breakup and then get back together because we can't stand to be away from each other. But this time I don't know what he's thinking. When I got off the phone with him when he broke up with me I knew he didn't want to speak to me so I had my cousin call him to let him know that I love him and I don't want to lose him but I don't think he wanted to hear it and became annoyed by the calls. All he said to my cousin was thank you for the message and I have to go. What should I do he says that he doesn't want to be with be with me and also he doesn't want to be my friend because I keeping bothering him and he needs his space. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him. I don't want this girl to take my man away from me. Should I give him his space and see if calls me within a week. We always talk on the phone everyday so it's very hard for me not to call him. But I think calling him would just make him upset even more. Someone please tell me what I should do? I love my boyfriend I don't want to lose him over something little. Help Me!!
    I want the guys to let me know what do you think my boyfriend is thinking.

    Last edited by samnaomi83; May 2, 2007 at 09:30 AM.
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    saraispiel19's Avatar
    saraispiel19 Posts: 670, Reputation: 115
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    #2

    May 2, 2007, 07:42 AM
    I think you need to give him some spαce.

    By the way I bet he's confused αt the fαct thαt you totαlly contrαdicted yourself. First your mαd αt him for tαlking to αnother girl his friend hooked him up with then you tell him "ooh bαby i love you don't go" ?whαt the hell is thαt αll αbout? He obviously hαd the intention of cheαting on you becαuse if he didn't he wouldn't αccept his friend's mαtch-mαking.. he used this trαin guy αs αn excuse-- if he hαd α problem with thαt he should've told you αnd if he did you should've respected thαt αnd cut trαin guy off becαuse it bothered your b/f.

    αnd this whole breαk-up/mαke-up fiαsco is cleαrly α sign of not knowing whαt you wαnt (him too), αnd mαybe the reαson y'αll go bαck together is becαuse when your αpαrt you feel αlone αnd in need of eαchother.. I think you guys need this time to leαrn how to stαnd on your own two feet.. try not tαlking to him for 90 dαys.. this will chαnge your αspect on everything.. but you hαve to commit to it.. you've αlreαdy developed α pαttern αnd frαnkly I think this guy hαs recognized thαt so he's mαking α chαnge.. αnd you should too.
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    sypher373's Avatar
    sypher373 Posts: 360, Reputation: 38
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    #3

    May 2, 2007, 08:01 AM
    If he knows how desperate you are to get him back, and how willing you are to do anything, he will feel no pressure to sit down and figure out what it is he wants. Give him spcae, don't talk to him, don't answre his calls, if he calls. Let him realize that you won't be treated like that. Not only will this force him to rethink what he's doing, it will give you time away from the situation to think clearly.
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    samnaomi83's Avatar
    samnaomi83 Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #4

    May 2, 2007, 08:12 AM
    He told me that the girl is the one that gave her number to him. He told me that he doesn't like that girl like that he is just talking to her on the phone just like I was doing with the guy. My boyfriend is 21 and the girl is 17 yrs old and am 23. I love my boyfriend if we've together so long I don't want to lose him. I not taking train with this guy any more but my boyfriend don't want to hear it. Should I let him cool off and see if he calls me. I think he's doing this to get back at me he's jealous even if he says he's not. What should I do? Thank you for the advice I need it.
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    saraispiel19's Avatar
    saraispiel19 Posts: 670, Reputation: 115
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    #5

    May 2, 2007, 08:24 AM
    G I v e
    H I'm
    S o m e
    S p α c e!!
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    sypher373's Avatar
    sypher373 Posts: 360, Reputation: 38
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    #6

    May 2, 2007, 08:28 AM
    First of all,
    I don't think it matters how he got the phone number. He made the choice to call, and then to lie to you about it. That's a big deal.
    Secondly, it doesn't matter if he's doing it to get your jealous either. If he is playing games like that, he is not worth your time or your effort. There are many people much better for you, as much as you don't want to hear that.
    The ONLY solution at this point is to give him space and work on yourself. Try to become happy without him. No one can tell you if/when he will come back, or why he is doing this. All we can tell you is the best way to get healthy so that you can deal with whatever he decides to do.
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    saraispiel19's Avatar
    saraispiel19 Posts: 670, Reputation: 115
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    #7

    May 2, 2007, 08:34 AM
    Your 23!! hαve fun!! You just pαssed you drinking αge-- common' no time for mαrriαge!-- hαve funnn girl!! Omgsh pαrty hαrdy-- do it for me! I mαrried YOUNG! Like I meαn hαven't gotten my driver's license young!
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    samnaomi83's Avatar
    samnaomi83 Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #8

    May 2, 2007, 08:48 AM
    I understand what you both are saying but me and my boyfriend always have arguments over stupid things I just never picture that this things was going to break us up. I gave up so much to be with him. Sometime when we breakup he says that he don't want to be with me anymore and he want s to be friends but that never happens because we always start kissing and we get back together I know that I am young but I've been in a lot of relationships but this time I think he's the one but I think that I mess up. Hurting him by talking to this guy. He told me that on the phone Saturday night when we were together and look what happen we brake up.
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    saraispiel19's Avatar
    saraispiel19 Posts: 670, Reputation: 115
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    #9

    May 2, 2007, 08:54 AM
    sαmnαomi-- we give you αdvice hun-- telling you to give the guy some spαce... you should do it common' if he loves you he'll comebαck αnd if you especiαlly try the 90 dαy thing he'll def. try to find α wαy to get YOU bαck-- guys αre hunters, let him "hunt" you bαck-- wierdd... but true. Don't mαke yourself αvαilαble to him mαkes-you the go-to girl.. eww αnd you never wαnt to be her.
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    sypher373's Avatar
    sypher373 Posts: 360, Reputation: 38
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    #10

    May 2, 2007, 09:22 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by samnaomi83
    I understand what you both are saying but me and my boyfriend always have arguments over stupid things I just never picture that this things was going to break us up. I gave up so much to be with him. Sometime when we breakup he says that he don't want to be with me anymore and he want s to be friends but that never happens because we always start kissing and we get back together I know that I am young but I've been in alot of relationships but this time I think he's the one but I think that I mess up. Hurting him by talking to this guy. He told me that on the phone saturday night when we were together and look what happen we brake up.

    We have all been there, and had those feelings. Trust me, I never in a million years could see my ex breaking up with me. When she did I was devastated. If you want my honest advice... I didn't move on like I should have almost 3 months ago. It still hurts me everyday, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I only have myself to blame for that, but every morning I wake up and it hurts beucase I refused to believe that there was no chance for a reconciliation.

    It came to the point where I was sick of the way my life was going, and being someone who was always been successful at everything, that thought scared me. I know its time to let go, and I just hope that you can see that the sooner you begin to let go and work on yourself, the sooner you will be happy again.

    Think of it this way... If nothing changes about either of you, nothing will change between the two of you. Stop looking for a miraculous revelation that will let you two be together forever and ever without a fight. If getting back together is even in the cards, the only way it will work is if you can become happy with who you are alone.
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    LuvMyMaltipoo's Avatar
    LuvMyMaltipoo Posts: 281, Reputation: 39
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    #11

    May 2, 2007, 09:37 AM
    I agree with the others, he needs space. You are both in the wrong here, after 6 years why don't you both trust each other? I've said it a million times... if you don't have trust, you don't have anything!
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,670, Reputation: 10726
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    #12

    May 2, 2007, 09:40 AM
    As others have said, you must do as he asked, and give him space to consider what he wants without pressure from you. Easier said than done, but anything less is like putting a band aid on a gunshot wound. Also, its is so important for you to realize what you want, after the emotional upheaval has settle down, so its time to let yourself see clearly, as a number of red flags have been ignored here. Whenever you argue you break up, and get back together, and this is an unhealthy pattern that has stopped you both from solving your problems thru honest communications, and the commitment to work together. Second, after 6 years and he doesn't trust your judgement, or motivations, then he is too insecure, and has fallen into a controlling mode to satisfy his trust issues, not healthy at all, since your train friend is not a threat to him. Lastly, and more importantly, you both have become to dependent on each other for happiness, and his willingness to play games with some one else, because of his issues, will cause you both heart ache and misery, and until these things are resolved, this will never be a healthy relationship. Leave him alone for now and work on yourself, so you can be healthy and make good decisions for yourself.
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    saraispiel19's Avatar
    saraispiel19 Posts: 670, Reputation: 115
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    #13

    May 2, 2007, 09:40 AM
    αgree αgree αgree with sypher---
    Long wαys bαck I did the whole spαce thing- ugh pαinful- 2 yeαrs lαter I met my husbαnd:) I didn't dαte in between thαt time (rebound relαtionships-big no no) -- gαve me time to grow blαh blαh blαh... you'll be hαppy.. I used to think my ex wαs my everything.. hαhα now I lαugh αt my niαvity...
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    samnaomi83's Avatar
    samnaomi83 Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #14

    May 2, 2007, 09:20 PM
    Guess what? Last night he called me and told me to come over today. What should I do so he doesn't think am desperate. The reason I'm going over there is to pick up something from his house. What should I do? Someone answer me please I have to be there 8:00 in the morning.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,670, Reputation: 10726
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    #15

    May 2, 2007, 10:19 PM
    Get your stuff and go home. You need to heal and not talk. Get healthy and make healthy decisions. That's something you don't have to compromise on, you being healthy. Under no circumstances, let him make you feel guilty, or it was your fault this happened, or any other game playing with your emotions. He dumped you.
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    samnaomi83's Avatar
    samnaomi83 Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #16

    May 3, 2007, 05:48 AM
    I went to his house today to go and get the things at his house, can you believe he didn't even come to the door to give me the things he had for me. When I called his house so he could come outside and open the door for me his mother answered the phone and she said she was coming. I thought she was going to let me in the house because he was in the shower,but no he gave my stuff to his mother so she could give it to me. I am hurt right now because even when we breakup we always say that we are going to be friends but that never happens because we love each other too much to do that. Now I think he really wants to let me go. Last night I asked him if he wants to be my friend he told me we can be friend later but now I think I need A break from you. He never says things like that. I think he really doesn't want to be with me no more. I love him so much how can this be the end. He always told me that he can't imagine himself with another girl. So why is he doing this? Everybody is telling me give him some space and he will come back. We never been apart for a long time. I'm scared that he is fed up with me and he doesn't want to deal with me anymore. Am I wrong for wanting my man back and for feeling this way.
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    tiredandlonely's Avatar
    tiredandlonely Posts: 42, Reputation: 0
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    #17

    May 3, 2007, 06:51 AM
    No You are not wrong for wanting him back! I want my girlfriend back also. But everyone on here has been telling me to give space. I have been trying my hardest to giver her, her space. It is really really tough. I have struggled through it. I am hoping that things will change, but I need to start thinking of me. And maybe you should too?
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,670, Reputation: 10726
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    #18

    May 3, 2007, 07:39 AM
    Your feelings are very natural for what you are going through.
    You must realise, that people change and grow, and so will you . I know its hard now because things are still a shock, and your feelings are strong, and your high expectations have been dashed to the ground. In time you will accept the changes, and be able to handle your feelings better. This is a growing experience, that if you learn the lesson, will be with you all your life.
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    samnaomi83's Avatar
    samnaomi83 Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #19

    May 3, 2007, 06:33 PM
    Why is he acting like this?
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    momincali's Avatar
    momincali Posts: 641, Reputation: 242
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    #20

    May 3, 2007, 07:12 PM
    Sam, if you were able to observe this relationship as a third party you'd see all the red flags. You'd see a guy and girl who have apparently broken up on several occasions (I'm guessing since you said that on previous break-ups you guys have remained friends). You'd see a guy who is dishonest, for whatever reason. You'd see a girl who knew all along he was being dishonest but played along because it was easier then breaking up. You'd see a couple who probably need a good chunk of time apart to stop and really and honestly take a look at themselves. The independent self. The self who isn't waiting for calls, isn't worried about making calls or anything else the other person is or isn't doing. With some time apart, you can stop and ask yourself, what do I really want out of my life? Where do I want to be in 5 years? Sometimes, being in a relationship where there's lots of arguing keeps the relationship exciting. Even if it's bad excitement, it's still excitement. Then, when it's good (meaning no arguing for a week or so, you tend to lose focus on yourself and your life's goals. Everyone should have goals. Can you imagine... 5 years down the road and you're still wondering if he's being faithful, he's still annoyed at your clinginess, his lies, your immaturity. The lack of trust.

    Let's face it. If he had no reason to doubt you and really trusted you, he'd believe you when you said that you had no interest in that guy on the train. He'd feel secure in knowing that you could go to the moon with that guy and nothing would happen because you're completely and totally trustworthy. I'm not saying you have cheated, I'm saying that he's insecure because he's not convinced. How can you say you were shocked that he told you he had been talking to a girl when you said you knew he was lying about talking to his guy friend on the phone? You were probably shocked that he said it straight out after you pestered him about it.

    Time apart will do both of you a lot of good. I know it's painful. I know it's lonely. But if you really want a successful shot at working things out with him, then you need to respect HIS wishes and leave him alone. Don't call and don't come running when he does. If he asked for time apart, then give it to him, even if he calls and says he's not sure he did the right thing. Why? Because what usually happens is you will go over there, be with him for a short time and he'll suddenly remember why he broke up with you. Who gets hurt? You. He scratched his itch, but you're the one left broken. The one who cares the least, has the most power.
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