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    INeedAdvice1010's Avatar
    INeedAdvice1010 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 15, 2013, 03:12 PM
    What should I do about girlfriend being insensitive?
    Hi, this message of mine might be long for you to read but please I need some advice as I don't know what to do and it kills me inside.

    I'm in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 years and 4 months now and we are both 20. I will admit it, I'm the type of guy who shows a lot of affection to her but sometimes I don't get it back from her. She knows how I love her so much and it gets to the point that in our relationship I'm the one who loves her more as much as she loves me. We never cheated on each other, she knows all my account password and I know hers too. She's the type of girl who doesn't go out a lot, she goes to work then go home straight if we're not seeing each other.

    Right now I don't know what to do. My girlfriend seems not to care about me and being so insensitive and moody. I know from the start she's the tough one and I'm the weak one. But is it wrong to ask more affection from her? Whenever we go into small fights I'm the one who always do efforts for her to start talking to me. She will NEVER do the 1st move. I have always wanted and will want to make our relationship work no matter what happens but when it comes to her she doesn't seem to care about my feelings. She will never talk to me and will never do the 1st move unless I give in and text her first.

    The only thing that I want her as a girlfriend is to let me feel that I am loved, to show some affection, to open up things to me and to show that she cares about me and about our relationship. But she always shows me the opposite way and is really hard for me as I feel lonely in our relationship. I don't really know what to do as it kills me inside, I don't want to talk to her because she will notice that I am getting weak. As she told me few times before that "I'm a weak person and dramatic thats why I need some affection". I don't know who the problem is in our relationship I just want her to open up things, to give effort and have a serious talk without me having to ask her because right now we don't talk at the moment and she shows no care. She will only text me if she's going to sleep, she'll always be like "Goodnight mate". Right now I read self help books to overcome my feelings but at some times it doesn't help me and still need some people's advice.

    Your advice would be so much appreciated. Thanks so much.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,761, Reputation: 5426
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #2

    Oct 15, 2013, 03:18 PM
    Stop. Right now. Stop making the first move all the time. Back off. Stop being so needy. Find other activities to do instead of texting her or calling her or being with her. Do not make her the center of your world. You are pushing her away.

    What else interests you? What do you have fun doing?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #3

    Oct 15, 2013, 03:18 PM
    "Is it wrong for me to ask.."
    "I just want..."
    You seem to be having a hard time realizing that people are who they are and we don't change them nor do we have any 'rights' to demand certain things from them. We hope they love us the way we love them, but if they don't, and they can't talk it out and aren't willing to work on it for the sake of the relationship, then you give up and move on.

    I know this is small consolation, but there are countless women who complain that their men aren't affectionate and expressive enough, and they would absolutely be thrilled to have you. You just aren't going to get what you want from this woman.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,884, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Oct 15, 2013, 05:43 PM
    Are you as needy as you sound? Or do you need a better social life without her? Maybe both.
    INeedAdvice1010's Avatar
    INeedAdvice1010 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Oct 15, 2013, 08:32 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Stop. Right now. Stop making the first move all the time. Back off. Stop being so needy. Find other activities to do instead of texting her or calling her or being with her. Do not make her the center of your world. You are pushing her away.

    What else interests you? What do you have fun doing?

    Hi, thanks for the reply... Yes I think it would be better if I stop. There's a times that I can stop myself but there's a times too that I cnt help it but to feel hurt over and over. I gave her everything I can I find time for her if I don't have one. And still, she doesn't do anythng to make me feel okay. Yes I try not to focus on her when I go to work and go out with my very few real friends but I cnt help it but to think of her.

    I know wer not meant to be but I'm trying to work this out but I don't see her trying as well for telling me that she don't care and cbf. It really hurts me.

    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    Are you as needy as you sound? Or do you need a better social life without her? Maybe both.
    I admit they I am a needy person, sometimes I try not to but there's times that I can't help it. I shower her affection and everything but when it comes.to the point that there's something wrong and she knows that I'm hurt she doesn't do anything. But when she's hurt I do everything to make her feel okay and yey she still says that I'm annoying and I should leave her alone. So I left her alone but she will never talk or do 1st move until I give in and text her.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,253, Reputation: 5642
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    #6

    Oct 15, 2013, 08:38 PM
    Ewwww!

    You are so needy it's a turn off! You can help it if you want to. That's all up to you.

    Stop doing things for her to feel okay when she is "hurt." It's up to her to feel okay with her as a person. There is nothing you can do to change that.
    INeedAdvice1010's Avatar
    INeedAdvice1010 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Oct 16, 2013, 02:39 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by J_9 View Post
    Ewwww!

    You are so needy it's a turn off! You can help it if you want to. That's all up to you.

    Stop doing things for her to feel okay when she is "hurt." It's up to her to feel okay with her as a person. There is nothing you can do to change that.
    I know I'm a needy but since July I kept it all myself. & now Im tired of it if I'm.going to think all what happened before its always me who did the 1st move, all me who talked to her first to fix what needs to be fixed. Since July which was our 25th months I hide my feelings for her when I'm in pain. But now I tried to open up everything to fix all our relationship problem between 2 of us and she shows no care. I stopped texting her since Monday I guess Ill wait for her to do the 1st talk but I don't think its going to happen because like I said, she's used to me that I always do the first move.
    She has this saying that if I come back then its fine but if I don't then its gone,so its always me who do efforts to save our relationship. Not her.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,884, Reputation: 10852
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    #8

    Oct 16, 2013, 07:08 AM
    Leave and don't go back and find a partner that gives you what you want. You have no control over YOURSELF, and will never have control over her.

    Find someone that wants to be smothered. She does NOT. Never will. You stay for the wrong reasons my friend since its obvious you cannot handle her ways.

    Sorry, but that's the reality you face.
    20145456's Avatar
    20145456 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #9

    Oct 16, 2013, 10:00 AM
    I had this problem with my boyfriend but I just had to ask myself is it worth it. Never love someone more than they love you because you will never be as happy as you feel you can be!

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