I've been in a "relationship" with this man for the past seven months. We both work at the same office. He, however, is out on sales while I handle all the office work. When I first joined this office, he pursued me relentlessly. I ignored him because he was married. He told gave me the usual BS about not getting along with his wife of three years (it was an arranged marriage) and staying in the marriage because of his two year old daughter and also because he was about to get his green card through his wife. He told me what all women want to hear - "you are the one; I will marry you; we are soulmates from past life," etc etc etc and I like a fool swallowed it up because I was lonely and had just ended a four-year bitter relationship. Besides, we had this instant chemistry.

For the first two months, we met secretly and went to a couple of sleazy motels (which I hated and one time to his friend's house while he was on vacation). But each time, I felt dirty because sex was not what I always wanted. Besides, he just rolled over when he came and that was it. I overlooked it because I was and am still in love with him. The last time we were together was in November 2008 and after that we've just been out for coffee twice. He now says he cannot leave his marriage because of his traditional family, his child and is willing to suffer because he feels that he may have wronged his wife in the last birth and that in this life he has to pay for the sins he may have committed against her. In these months, he also knocked is wife up and then forced her to have an abortion because she was carrying a girl child again and also that she would have to take time off from work which meant losing money. You see she hands over all her pay to him and gets a weekly allowance.

Many times, I've told him that he should stick by his family and have broken up with him. But he does not let go. I do NOT want him. I did not go into this relationship to be the other woman. I thought that he wanted to spend his life with me because his marriage had ended and he found his wife intolerable. Incidentally, he now claims his wife is OK and that she is that way because as a child she had fallen on her head and as a result had mental condition. I really don't know what to do. I don't take his calls, ignore him when he is in office but he always has some convincing argument and has the nerve to accuse me of not being understanding or being jealous. I think he wants me on the side so that he can have someone when they have a fight and also because he wants me to transfer all my money from my country so that I can invest in his business schemes. Sorry, about this long post but I had to get it off my chest. Please tell me what should I do to tell him to stop pestering me. I do love him but find this situation disgusting and do not want to be the OTHER WOMAN.

:mad:

I really wish I could drop kick this dude in his chest. I seen better scribed stories on WWE. From the very beginning you know he had no intention on leaving his wife. Real men don't do this the get a divorce, they separate, they move out then show signs that they are unhappy with they marriage. He has done none of these things.

It's good that you realize that you have been played. It's also great that you decide that you don't want to be the other woman. Now, how to you get this man to stop pestering you. Invite him for coffee and tell him you want him to stop speaking to you and that you don't want him to pursue you anymore. Tell him if he does not you will write letter to his wife and confess everything.

Tell him this letter will include date, times and location. Make sure that you mention in this letter that he told you that he wasn't married and he wasn't wearing a ring. When you found out that he was married you…ended it. At which time he told that his marriage was failing, the marriage was arranged, and he wasn't in love. Add there he said that his wife was not attractive and he was with because he needed his green card.

If he cares about saving his marriage he will stop.

Boy does he have the excuses.
Just tell him just as he has his customs you have yours and while he is picking his 'convenient' sins to pay for you have your 'mistakes' to amend for so just as he can not leave his wife you can not go on justifying your mistakes.
I wouldn't trust giving him or another country a wooden nickel.
Stick to realizing:
There is N0 future with him
You can do better
He is making excuses to HIS advantage
Keep seeing straight through his games
Envision what you really want for your future and how
It could not possibly include him.

Get rid of this loser, make a fool out of him and his excuses!!

I can't believe you can have feelings for someone, who has, and is, playing you like a fiddle. You should get some professional help, to learn to do, what you should do, and get some dignity, and self respect. You are a victim, and that's not attractive, its sad, and its you doing it to yourself. Get some help ASAP!

I believe your first mistake was getting involved in an office romance... it typically ends up bad - one ending it, the other continually pursuing it - making it very uncomfortable for the one ending it and possibly others in the office.

If you want no further contact with him, tell him one LAST time that he needs to leave you alone or you will be forced to go to outside help to get him to leave you alone... you can file harassment charges against him at work so the employer is involved - or you can file for a no contact order through the courts and if it continues after the no contact order, he can be arrested if he continues to pester you.

You said he was relentless until you gave in - perhaps he thinks you will give in again. I'm pretty disgusted that he made his wife kill the child because of her gender... and she must have been pretty far along for them to know the sex of the child... not to mention the fact that it proves he's still having sex with his wife that he has complete control over - do you honestly believe he will be less controlling if he left his wife and married you? PAHLEEZE!

If he doesn't leave you along, he's forcing you to get others involved - if he wants to keep his job or stay out of jail, he'll leave you alone (and probably find someone else till the dump his sorry !)

Thank you all for your response. I told him this morning to stay away from me and that it would not be good for him if he continued to hound me. I also warned him that I would go to his wife and tell her everything. I think he still does not believe me but he will sooner or later.

Thanks again