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    LostInHisEyez's Avatar
    LostInHisEyez Posts: 130, Reputation: 15
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Dec 21, 2009, 10:14 PM
    What happens in vegas.gets you single.
    I went to Las Vegas with three male friends (we're all military so I'm always the only female no matter what even goes on), we got trashed, and had an awesome night... but my phone had died, and I only had my car charger, which was in the car, far away from where me and my buddies were walking... anyways. Come morning time, I finally find my car again and charge it enough to text my boyfriend (who's stationed in SC, I'm stationed in CA.. talk about LDR.. ) he asked me where I slept last night... I told him that I was in a hotel room, I slept on the bed, the guys on the floor. Boyfriend went crazy. He said that he couldn't trust me- to leave him the f alone, I was thinking,etc etc. He always said my friends were always trying to get with me, and so me going to Vegas with them just set him off for good. I told him that yes, I was in the wrong, I shouldn't have been in a room with all guys. But they're fellow marines, they're my brothers.. that's all I see them as. But he doesn't. Now he doesn't know what to think, and it sucks, because I love him so much. We've been together for about 7months now, and he just bought a plane ticket to come visit for New Yrs. And now it seems like he doesn't want to even be with me. He hasn't officially broken up with me, but I can see it coming.. I'm miserable honestly, I love him more than anything, and we had bad hurtful pasts with relationships and we promised to not hurt each other, I can see where I went wrong, I promised and swore up and down that I did nothing with these guys... and he won't believe me. Idk what to do anymore, I don't know what to feel. I know it's a trust issue, but I need ways to fix it before I deploy to overseas... I need a way to talk to him, to tell him that I love only him, and that I don't want anyone else.. help?
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
    Uber Member
     
    #2

    Dec 22, 2009, 02:27 AM
    You've already talked to him and apologized and explained the situation so I don't think doing that all over again is going to change anything right now.
    Leave it for a couple of days and call him just to talk-maybe he will have cooled down by then.
    Devorameira's Avatar
    Devorameira Posts: 2,461, Reputation: 981
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Dec 22, 2009, 12:05 PM
    I can understand why he got upset. It would have sounded a lot better if you had spent the night in your own separate motel room.

    Since you used poor judgment and have admitted it and apologized to him for it, I can't see anything else for you to do. Sounds like right now the ball is in his court.
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    Dec 22, 2009, 12:21 PM

    Like Dev said, I can understand why he's mad. I'd be too. You came clean and told him and you realize your poor choice. Now just give him time to cool off and just see what happens
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #5

    Dec 22, 2009, 12:53 PM
    One big decision you have to make is: are you prepared to deal with his insecurities and jealousy when you are deployed over-seas? It sounds like he, even before the Vegas trip, had problems with your hanging out with other men. It won't get easier and it is something he will have to learn to deal with if he wants a relationship with a female who has a career in a male-dominated occupation.

    How much does he know about your past relationships (namely the one from a year ago) and how much does that history affect his perception of your interactions with your 'brothers'?
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #6

    Dec 22, 2009, 01:10 PM

    I'm going to go against everyone else a bit.

    Personally, I don't think that sharing a hotel room with friends is a big deal. Where you went wrong was by not discussing it with him first.

    You didn't do anything. If he has trust issues and can't get over them then love won't fix this.

    Trust is huge in a relationship, without trust you have nothing.

    Give him a few days, then try to make contact and let him know that you are hurt that he doesn't trust you.

    If he can't accept you for you then you may want to find someone that can.
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
    Ultra Member
     
    #7

    Dec 22, 2009, 01:15 PM

    Tell your buddies what happened and see if they can't send him an email explaining that it was entirely innocent.Cost effective as well.
    Just because guys may want to get with you is not a reason to break up.There will always be someone who wants to get with you and he needs to trust your judgment and commitment to him.
    Your LDR will never last without trust,it is the foundation of an LDR.
    slapshot_oi's Avatar
    slapshot_oi Posts: 1,537, Reputation: 589
    Ultra Member
     
    #8

    Dec 22, 2009, 01:24 PM
    The fact you guys are on opposites sides of the country and, I'm guessing, he's never even met your guy-friends, is the real problem. He could be the nicest guy on the planet when in a normal relationship, but make it long-distance and it'll turn anyone crazy. I can't imagine being in a relationship where I never actually see my girlfriend. I'd be jealous of anyone who did anything for her just because I couldn't.

    You didn't do anything wrong, you have a right to live your life, but you should expect him to be extra sensitive if he has no idea who these guys are and sees you only a handful of a times in a year.
    overayear1's Avatar
    overayear1 Posts: 14, Reputation: 5
    New Member
     
    #9

    Dec 22, 2009, 01:48 PM

    I would have to agree with all that said she didn't do anything wrong. I went to Vegas and stayed with friends who happen to be girls. We all stayed in the same hotel. Its just eaiser that way. I think what got him jumping to conclusion was that fact that he didn't hear from you the entire night. It all comes down to trust though, and it doesn't seem like he has that with you. Being far away doesn't help the situation. So I would wait it out for a little bit and then give him a call. Don't beat yourself up for staying in the room with the guys. Just because he got upset doesn't mean you did something wrong.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,314, Reputation: 10854
    Expert
     
    #10

    Dec 22, 2009, 02:04 PM
    I think the only thing wrong was not telling him what the sleeping plan was upfront. That's a heckuva way to find things out.

    And keep your phone charged next time. I think he will cool off, so give it a few days, and see. If he can't keep up then he isn't for you and how will he handle your deployment?
    we've been together for about 7months now,
    That probably has an awful lot to do with it, as you haven't really had a lot of time together to build a bond of trust.
    jimseekinadvice's Avatar
    jimseekinadvice Posts: 63, Reputation: 42
    Junior Member
     
    #11

    Dec 22, 2009, 02:22 PM

    From what I see, since you are in the military you are bound to have a lot of guy friends. Your boyfriend sounds like he'll constantly be jealous of them. This relationship is doomed to failure unless he can fix his jealously issues. Communication is also key.
    LostInHisEyez's Avatar
    LostInHisEyez Posts: 130, Reputation: 15
    Junior Member
     
    #12

    Dec 22, 2009, 08:42 PM

    Thank you all for your advice.

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