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    mccabejr's Avatar
    mccabejr Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 7, 2012, 04:33 PM
    What happens if one partner wants to have space
    My boyfriend and I have been dating now for 4 years. He recently told me he wanted space to figure out if he still wants to be with me. He stated that my smoking and my weight gets to him, he has tried to get over it but he cant. He knows my last relationship and what my ex had put me through mentally and physically. ( was a very bad relationship) I have always been bigger. I was bigger when he started dating me. He lost his wife from a heart attack 5 yrs ago, she smoked and was over weight also. He says he doesn't want to go through that again. We had an awesome relationship, NEVER had an argument.I have quit smoking and I am excersising regularly to help lose the weight. I love him deeply. Last time someone told me they needed space he moved on within 2 weeks. What should I do? I know he loves me deeply as I do him. It hurts me to think he will move on to someone else. How much space and time do I need to give him. He also stated he doesn't know what the future holds. This man is a very honest hard working man and I know that there is no one else right now. Please help me figure out what to do.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #2

    Nov 7, 2012, 04:46 PM
    Does he know you have quit smoking and are on an exercise/diet plan? If so, what does he say?
    mccabejr's Avatar
    mccabejr Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Nov 7, 2012, 04:53 PM
    Yes, he does know all of this but still says he needs space, He never expressed to me how bad he was feeling about any of this. Just would say casually that it bothered him. I hate that he let it build up to this point. I ask to see him to talk and his answer is " we will see". Should I. I want to try to find ways to be stronger about this, I don't have the will power to let him have his space. I didn't know I was hurting him and turning him away from me. There was no signs. It has only been 1 week.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #4

    Nov 7, 2012, 04:57 PM
    Would he be willing to go with you for couples counseling, even for a few sessions?

    Too often, wanting a "break" or asking for space, especially with young people, means a definite breakup, but the person asking is too much of a coward (softie?) to just say goodbye and let it end. I'm not so sure that's what's happening in your case.
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