Hello
I have been dating a girl that I absolutely love for 2 years.Everything was great until about 9 months ago.She started to be busy and I knew it was because of school and work.So things got better and we spent more time and then issues arose with intimacy.We would be intimate and she just didn't feel the same.She then tells me about a month ago.That she has been unhappy and sad for awhile because she has been trying to see a future with me but cant.She has said that with her ex's she never say a future with them.It was her first serious relationship.She then tells me she is afraid that she cannot give me what I want and it hurts her too because she loves me. She then says she wants to take it slow and then friends to build up.Because "every good relationship needs a good friendship".So she seems to get annoyed when I talk about us and where we are going.But when I don't and I don't call her , she is all friendly and peachy.Using endearing terms.I think bring it up again and she feels like we are just running around in circles.She then says "she really needs to try and figure out things for herself".And that she feels like I am pushing her to break up with me.When she said that is not what she wants.And if it does not work out she will break up and tell me.She also said she is not trying to around with me or toy with me.Also that the last thing she wants to do is hurt me.We still do arrange time to hang out and see each other 1-2 times a month.She says she doesn't know what she wants and says"I thought we agreed we were going to give this time".I am so confused as to what to do.She still keeps our relationship status up on Facebook.So I am not sure what to do.Apart of me wants to leave but I have never loved anyone this much.And some of my friends say she is wasting your time and waiting to buy time.Yet others are saying just give it time.I don't know why she is doing this and I wish I knew so I can be optimistic that it will work out,or I prepare to move on.What should I do

Also she is 2 years older then me ,I am 26 and she is 28.I am in school and she ha finally found a job .I have about 2 years left of school.

U know what! I just broke up with my girlfriend last Friday, because I didn't give her enough space. My girlfriend told me she always stick with me and I think her life is just go as a cycle. I was spending too much time with her, she asked for space but I didn't, which is my really FAULT. It's already one week now sice we broke up, and I realized lots of things. When girls says she needs to figure out who she is, it's mean... she been in the relation ship for too long => bored of the relation ship, want to change her life, meet new people, look for something new. I know it's really hard to accept the truth that she doesn't really love you like before anymore, because 2 years are really long. I thin you guys are still in a good shape because at least u respect her, gave her time and space right! Keep doing it and dun force her to make decision or something. Dun contact her until she contact you. Let her have time by herself to figure out who she really is and how her life with without you. But if you really dun accept this fact then... I think you need to break up and move on. Sorry, it's easy to say but very HARD to do.

My girlfriend and I were in the relationship for 2 years and 4 months.

I do give her space and always have ,and said she needs to hang out with friends more ,because she is a homebody, I've said this for awhile because I have a ton of friends.I think she is just buying time.I am honestly thinking of leaving and just not trying anymore.Because why spend time loving someone when they don't love you back or know what they want.So I guess I just need to leave her be,I am giving her the upper hand I think by having her decide so Ive decided to just not try ,and say figure out what you want and talk to me in a couple months and if I'm not seeing anyone Ill think about it.Women always want you when you don't give a and I think I have to learn to not give a .Because she knows I do not keep ex's as friends and that is maybe why she is letting it linger.

I totally Respect you with this !

You need to listen to what she's saying to you, not what your heart wants to hear.

She's actually being really sensitive and honest with you, and it genuinely sounds as if she doesn't want to hurt you.

She doesn't want to commit at this moment in time is what she's telling you, because she doesn't know what she wants. That is absolutely fair enough.

The worst thing you can do is apply pressure. In fact, she's asking you NOT to. You can't know her reasons, because she probably doesn't either.

There is no magic wand here.

The decision is yours. You can continue to be her friend (on her terms) or you can move on.

I'd suggest you get busy doing things and see her when you can. Try to be more independent and less available. See how things go, but don't put all your future hopes on a relationship with her.

I agree with Gemini.
She has communicated to you her feelings and has been honest with you. You seemed to have given her space and have tried to check in on her feelings from time to time... but if it has been 9 months!. I think that is plenty of time for her to have figured out at least if she wants to be in a relationship or just a friendship with you. I think at this point it has become a comfort zone and if you are no longer willing to keep it going as it is then you need to talk to her and let her know she needs to make a choice... be in a relationship or you go your own separate ways.

Maybe she has let this drag on because you have been willing to keep trying- which is a good thing on your part- you obviously love her and care about her to have stuck with this for so long- but we all reach a point where we need to move forward, and it sounds like this is that time for you..

I know I am repeating myself now- but talk to her and let her know you need to know soon on where things are for her. If she can't fit you into her life as a full time boyfriend after 9 months of you giving her space... then it is time to move on for sure!

It sucks to say that and I know it hurts to have to think about losing such a love that you have felt, but it happens to most of us and the only thing to do is appreciate the experience, pick up our hearts and move on in hopes of something greater.

Best wishes to you!

Okay I have been giving her space, and she only mentioned she was unhappy and trying to figure stuff out about a month ago and told me upfront about it.She still does call me and called within a hour when she found out that a family member of mine became ill.She has started calling me during her lunch breaks , which she has not done in 2 months.Let me know what you think.I think she still wants me but is afraid to admit it.

I wouldn't read too much into her actions right now. She is confused so don't take her calls to serious. If you want to be her friend then be that but don't concerate all of your time on her. Have you own life and keep yourself busy with things you want to do.

overayear

well she is confusing because she still keeps our relationship status up and uses endearing terms, so what am I to think?A part of me wants a answer because I need to know If I need to move on and get some closure.


overayear

she is very confusing, she uses endearing term like "my dear" "my darling" and hun.And she still keeps our relationship status on Facebook.So what I am to think?? I want a answer because I need to know if I need closure and move on, or if anything can come out of it now


and she does not use those terms loosely with random people or friends at all.

Trust me when I say that all those things don't mean much right now. She is confused which is why she hasn't changed her status and still uses endearing terms. My Ex and I went through the same thing. I wish I would have found this site earlier in my break up. The best thing to do is not wait on her to give you an answer. Just treat this break up as it being over. If you think you can be friends then be friends but don't analyze her words or her actions right now. Start getting your life together and start on your healing process. Trust me you don't want to fall into the false hope world. Its not a fun place to be. So what I am saying is to not take her to seriously anymore and start getting out there and having fun with out her.

Well I have given her space and we went out for fun, she was all touchy feeling and being endearing, she then decided to give me a kiss recently so I do not know what that means.I have not been the one calling her.Yet every time I mention something affectionate she does ignores it.Yet she is using affectionate terms and jokes around.So I am sort of at crosshairs because I have grown tired of these games.I have already begun to move on, and now she is showing interest and calling me everyday?

You are in school, she has a job. I suspect strongly that you are her main social distraction, if not her only one, as she adjusts to the real world.

Maybe she is doing this unintentionally, leading you on, but the results are the same, as she keeps you at a distance, and can't give you what you want, a committed official relationship.

Sorry guy but as she gets more fun in her life, you will spend even less time together, and have even less romance than you are now.

Yes she is trying to find herself, but are you helping, no I really don't think so, and I don't care what her face book says, hanging out a few times a month is not a committed relationship, where the partners make time for each other.

Just me though, I think I would be friends, but be busy, and unavailable for romance. I would have my own thing to do. Hey, your half this relationship so what you want and need should count for something, just as her confusion does. Lets not forget that. No official bf/gf thing though, just friends.

Can you do that?

Um. I haven't thought of what is going on as we are in a relationship or anything.I told her that this isn't even a relationship and she got mad.I think she needs to grow up and say what's on her mind.Instead of wasting my time when I could be with someone else who wants to put in the same effort I do.

I have never pressure her for anything.Not even sex or this or that.I just think she wants out and wants me to do the dirty work.In spite of the whole "I dont want to break up with you, but figure things out"

That could well be.

I think she cares for you but is no longer "in love" with you as a romantic partner.

I think you are reading too much into her feelings and I believe she is having a hard time severing all ties with you because she cares and you are a comfort to her.

You can not realistically go from lovers to friends in the blink of an eye.

People cling to what they feel comfort in and you are a comfort.

She does not want the commitment but she is enjoying the friendship.
I think she is O.K. with this arrangement because she has emotionally distanced herself from you long ago.

Stop trying to read something into this that is not there,it will only cause you pain.
Your emotions are too raw to jump into the friend zone.My suggestion is to cut the ties that bind you to her and stop living for a false hope of getting back together.Sorry ,that the way it looks from this vantage point.

Not sure if your still trying to figure things out. I'm in the same boat as you now. We were together for 2 years. She then wanted space. But said she hoped things would workout at some point. I haven't been sure what to do until I read this incredible post tonight on this site. Check it out, print it out, and read it when your feeling lost and not sure what to do.

It is my opinion that she loves you but is not in love with you because she isn't letting herself be. Not that she cannot fall back in love with you but her mind is telling her that she feels like she has wasted a lot of her youthful years in a relationship when she could have been going out every Friday having fun. It sucks for a while but I think if you ride it out it would be OK. But then again I might have to agree with you and say walk because I know what its like to wait and if it takes too long its so not worth it. You do not need her and you need to make sure she knows that you can move on, ask her if she can move on as well or test it. If she loses you it just may be the motivation she needs to get you back in full swing or let you go. Eitherway you still kind of win because waiting is torture when your heart is on the line

Yes , only way for this to work, if its what you really want, is you can never bring up your relationship with her again! You can never ask, are things getting better? How do you feel about me? (this all just pushes her further away!)You just have to let it all go and not care! Got to be real secure and not needy. Continue to move on, like you have broken up, and make your life great! Something people will notice! If she feels like she is missing out on life, once she sees how fun you are, and how much your life is together, she will no longer feel that way. You and I both know, if you two broke up, and some fun attractive guy with his life together came along that showed interest to her, she probably wouldn't turn him down. So you got to be that guy all over again!
So when she sees this new fun guy, stick with it, so this never happens again , and your golden!
This happens with so many relationships, they become to boring, the same old, same old, we hang out, watch TV, watch a movie, go for a walk, same conversations, same make outs, same sex. Got to spice it up!
But before you can do this, got to be that great fun guy with his life all in order, a secure guy that doesn't need to know all the time how she feels.
Or you could just end it all!
Good luck