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ohsoinlove · May 26, 2010, 10:10 AM

My boyfriend says he needs space. This is scary for me. I was constantly calling and texting while he is working. He works long days and is a senior in accounting has one hard class and a son to care for on weekends. I was devastated when he said he needs space. I don't know whether to think he is going to end it, seeing someone else, or if he has issues in his life other than me that need attention. The fact that I am pressuring him probably doesn't help. I have been avoiding calling, texting, and don't stop by (we live in the same floor and same building and both have roomates). I know he loves me but I'm really afraid this is the kiss of death for our relationship. I need some advice ! Please help..

CarrotTalker · May 26, 2010, 10:21 AM

"I was constantly calling and texting while he is working. He works long days and is a senior in accounting has one hard class and a son to care for on weekends."

It sounds like he has a busy schedule and can't keep talking to you while he's at work. He's at work to work!

What do you do during the day to keep yourself occupied? Do you have a job?

Torrid13 · May 26, 2010, 11:06 AM

You need to (and I say this with a lot of love) get a life.

One that doesn't include him every. Single. Second. Of. The. Day. Go eat lunch with your friends, join a book club, work out, do something! Keep a little mystery about yourself! It's attractive, trust me.

Just because he's at work doesn't mean he forgets about you. Smothering something does not make it love you more. It kills it. Give it room to breathe!

Just leave him alone for right now, & if he wants to try again, great. If not, learn from this experience & try to avoid the same actions in the future!

Good luck!

talaniman · May 26, 2010, 02:45 PM

Why do you keep annoying him? You have to see that is NOT normal, or healthy.

floaton · May 26, 2010, 08:19 PM

Give him space. Simple as that. Stop calling/texting... it will help.

Kitkat22 · May 26, 2010, 08:20 PM

Originally Posted by Torrid13

You need to (and I say this with a lot of love) get a life.

One that doesn't include him every. Single. Second. Of. The. Day. Go eat lunch with your friends, join a book club, work out, do something! Keep a little mystery about yourself! It's attractive, trust me.

Just because he's at work doesn't mean he forgets about you. Smothering something does not make it love you more. It kills it. Give it room to breathe!

Just leave him alone for right now, & if he wants to try again, great. If not, learn from this experience & try to avoid the same actions in the future!

Good luck!

Good advice... Torrid

Kitkat22 · May 26, 2010, 08:25 PM

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Good advice...Torrid

Just to add ohsoinlove.. Employers frown on personal calls to their employees unless it's an emergency. He may have been afraid his job would be in jeopardy if you call every ten minutes. Chill... :rolleyes:

Mommy102808 · May 26, 2010, 08:28 PM

He needs time for himself. When he is at work, don't call and text him the whole time. When you get to talk to him after his long hours at work he will be happy to talk to you. A man at work has enough stress on him, at the end of the day after not talking to you all day it will be like a breath of fresh air to him.

ZoeMarie · May 26, 2010, 09:10 PM

A lot of good advice here, I'd be curious though, how long have you two been together?

ohsoinlove · May 28, 2010, 03:51 PM

Thanks for all your thoughts.
OK a few things.. so I don't I call him every second, I text more than call and I've gotten better at putting that to a stop.. I have not contacted him in almost a week unless he makes the first move. We've been together almost 2 years. Oh and he doesn't have the kind of job where he has a supervisor( independent comp.) I really love the guy. We hung out the past few nights because he wanted to. But I have majorly backed off and it seems to be better that way. So I think things are back to normal but I want to continue holding myself somewhat distant. Let him come to me so he doesn't feel stifled.

Another things I wanted to hear thoughts on is how do you feel about significant others who already have a kid?

Homegirl 50 · May 28, 2010, 04:01 PM

It is what it is. If the children are minors you have to realise that they are going to come first and they should.
If you don't want to deal with a man with a child, don't do it. But if you do, expect that if he is a good dad, that child is going to take precedence over you.
I'm quite a bit older than you so most people I would date don't have minor kids, if they did that would be a "no" for me. I would not even go there.

ohsoinlove · May 28, 2010, 04:04 PM

Oops forgot to add I have 2 jobs, go to the gym, and have friends and family I see. Even before he said he "needs space", we didn't get to see each other a lot because he works a lot , I work a lot, he has class 5hrs a week and his kid on weekends. So this was sort of shocking to me. And also probably one of the reasons I felt the need to contact him via phone so much.. I was like how much more space can you get? But as far as I feel now, I realized that what I was doing was not healthy and it also makes me feel better when I know he is the one who wants to see me :)

talaniman · May 28, 2010, 04:18 PM

another things I wanted to hear thoughts on is how do you feel about significant others who already have a kid?

They are a package deal, that comes with the territory. No big deal.

Kitkat22 · May 28, 2010, 06:57 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

They are a package deal, that comes with the territory. No big deal.

Very True... :)

poochiebooyj · Apr 28, 2012, 09:05 PM

I personaly think that he wasn't tryna be mean but he didn't want you breathing over his sholder ervey 5 minutes.