My guess is that you are in your early 20s. It would be useful to know.
From a guy's perspective, being in a relationship with a woman takes a kind of giving that we're not used to as boys and young men. We're not called on during those times to give of ourselves in the ways that a mate
would want: our full presence, sincerely listening and understanding and responding to what another person thinks, caring or having empathy with people and situations we don't usually care about, being emotionally accessible, and so on.
As boys and young men, our mission is to go the opposite way, to gain freedom from the constraints that our families, institutions, and society put on us. We learn how to do what we want
to do. We see that as an opportunity for which we have high value, and as a right that we will defend, and as a skill that we are determined to master.
But we love women. Or, we love somebody and that person, in order to be in a romantic relationship with us, has requirements. We want to fulfill those requirements, but that calls for a kind of giving in which we have little experience. And the most profound relationship experience of our lives, until we hook up with you, has been cataloged in our minds under the heading "Mom."
So, we have Mom in the back of our brain, and approach you with the wrong ideas about what you need. Until we figure that out, we give and give and give and feel "You are never satisfied."
Many guys deny this. It's very unappealing to think this for a lot of us, but no matter. Kids model adults. They use what they see adults do when facing new experiences. The brain throws a screen up in front of itself and says "Try this. I saw Mom and Dad argue like this two months ago." (or solve a problem, or make each other laugh, or... ) We think: "This is how people do things."
The point is that guys who haven't matured out of the "Get Free!" stage find themselves unable to both fulfill a relationship and get what we need. We have to take a maturity bump beyond getting free and become ready for getting a relationship with you right. This happens best when we don't fight.
From your description, I wouldn't interpret him a being checked out. He might just be overwhelmed. Your wonderful words, as you describe, don't help. Stay in therapy
, with him or without him joining you. Make it impossible for him to avoid doing the work by doing your own and living it. As you get tools and better ways to understand, make them part of your daily life. Stop fighting and grow.
Read A General Theory of Love
, especially if you want to have kids. Amazon.com: A General Theory of Love: Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, Richard Lannon: Books